Just me

I'm at a particularly low point today. I'm not sure why. I got enough sleep, I ate enough... I just feel blue. I want to run away from everything and head up into the mountains and just sit. I want to sit and listen to nature, the trees, the insects, the river. I want to commune with nature. I want to feel of God's majesty and not be in my living room. I want to listen to soul-searching music... the kind that lets you look inward and feel with your soul. I want to close my eyes and drift. I want to smell the ocean and the pine trees. I want all of my vision to be encompassed by simple beauty. I want to see with eyes that are not grounded on this world. I want to look beyond what is in front of my face. I want to lose myself in the moment. I want to feel the wind in my hair and on my bare skin. I want the sun to dance on my hair. I want to stop the day to day madness and remember myself. I want to be me... not someone else. Not someone else's perception of who they think I should be. Just me.

The Great Outdoors and the 24th

So, I was finally able to get out of the house and up to the canyon this week! Woo-hoo! Unfortunately it was only for a couple of hours this Sunday afternoon, but every little bit helps. David and I packed a picnic and went to Wood campground up Logan Canyon and had ourselves a sit. We laid out a blanket, ate our lunch, and pretended to take a nap. I say pretended because it became more and more apparent that we aren't as young as we used to be. There was not spot of ground that could accommodate even the idea of sleep for longer than 2 minutes. I'm sure that I slept on worse back in the day, but not so much now. It's sad when you seriously consider bringing an air-mattress to make your Sunday afternoon get-away more comfortable. I tell you I am such a pansy!

David and I, obviously.

Wood Campground...sigh. I love the sound of the river. So relaxing.

Jarom and Melissa decided to stay the night on the 24th of July. We watched the fireworks and had an all around good time. The kids got to run through the sprinklers. It looked so fun that I had to wonder when did I become the responsible adult that stopped running through the sprinklers. What little I did felt so good! Oh to be a kid again....

Laurelyn and Griffen the mighty conquerors of the lawn sprinkler.
This is Laurelyn before the swimsuit got put on. She is soaked.
Laurelyn and Nessa (the short one with the vampire teeth). Funny story about her, as she was getting ready for bed that night she started singing "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister. The things a 3-year old picks up on.

What's the hurry?

I've been thinking a lot about time lately. Of course I have had help. If you'll see the "quotes of interest" section to the right of this blog you will find an excerpt from "Three Cups of Tea". I am currently reading this book and like many others I have found it fascinating. I am roughly half way through and enjoying every minute of it. It's a true story about a man who climbed mountains in Pakistan and through a series of 'wrong' turns finds himself deeply involved in the lives of the inhabitants of Pakistan's most remote villages. He decides to build schools for the children, male and female, to gain an education. It is his story. He is in the middle of the project when the leader, Haji Ali takes Greg aside and tells him to relax because he is driving everyone crazy.

Why do we find ourselves in such a rush. We truly are the society on the run. There is so much to involve ourselves in that we often forget who we are in the daily hustle and bustle of life. What is wrong with taking time to stop and enjoy what we have accomplished. To sit and enjoy what God has accomplished.

When I first moved to Logan 800 years ago, I spent at least 2-3 days in Logan Canyon a week. I would hike the trails in search of new sights or just take my journal and find a spot by the river and reflect on life. I loved that time. The solitary reflection with nature was like balm to my soul. My body and my spirit had time to rest from the world. How long ago that was. Now I am lucky to even get a drive through the Canyon once or twice a Summer! Have I really become that busy? Perhaps it is time to run away from home, even just for an evening. And perhaps by myself. Hmmm...

A Long Way Gone

I recently finished "A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a boy soldier" by Ishmael Beah. It is about a twelve year old boy who lived in Sierra Leone during their civil war (early 90's). He was away from his village when the rebels attacked so he went on the run with his friends. He spent his time running from the rebels and searching for his family. Eventually he has to stop running. He is in a village occupied by the army when the rebels attack. His choice is to try to escape and meet certain death, or join the army and receive training to fight. He chooses the latter part at the tender age of 13. He is in the army for 3 more years before he is removed by UNICEF and put into a rehabilitation center for boy soldiers.

The book is quite hard to read in places, but I found I couldn't put it down. There is something about a personal account, no matter how horrifying, that demands to be read. The voice needs to be heard and listened to. There is so much of war around the world. So much of war that is not black and white. I wish it were. It is so easy for a government to assign that fate to a people when they are not the ones in the line of fire. It's so easy for me as I sit in my comfortable home to form opinions about what the world should be doing. When is a cause so great that a people will take up arms against their own? When does a mind become so twisted that the only way they think they can be heard is by burning a village and killing all the inhabitants?

Beah tells an interesting story at the end of the book. One of the old men in his village told him the story of a hunter and a monkey. The hunter went into the bush to kill a monkey. He finds one sitting comfortably in the branches. "The monkey didn't pay him much attention, not even when his footsteps on the dried leaves rose and fell as he neared. When he was close enough... he raised his rifle and aimed. Just when he was about to pull the triger, the monkey spoke: 'If you shoot me, your mother will die, and if you don't, your father will die.'" The question asked at the end was "What would you do if you were the hunter?"

Naturally there was no really good way to answer the question, especially when the parents were around. But Beah gives his answer:

"When I was seven I had an answer... I never discussed it with anyone for fear of how my mother would feel. I concluded to myself that if I were the hunter, I would shoot the monkey so that it would no longer have the chance to put other hunters in the same predicament."

(By the way, Ishmael Beal is coming to USU to give a lecture. If any of you are interested I will get the details. I believe it's on the 23 of August.)

Productivity

So I took today off. My intentions were to catch up on all the little errands that needed to be taken care of as well as have some down time for myself. So, I got up this morning and exercised, got a hair cut, got the rock chips fixed on the windshield of our car and had it safety inspected, then headed home to start on the house. And what have I done in the house? Not a dang thing. Well, I take that back, I did clean out the fridge because there was a salad that kept on reaching for me whenever I opened the door. It was time. But after that... nothing.

I truly had so much ambition when I was planning the day. I was going to find some of my long lost flower beds, shampoo the carpets, reorganize my stuff in the den, wash the bedding, catch up on letters, set-up visiting teaching appointments and drop my and see people that I have lost touch with for a bit. Yeah, I know, can we say too much stuff. Perhaps that's why I have become lethargic for the time being. When I look at the list, rather than getting up and starting on it I feel completely overwhelmed. The irony of this is that I was the one making the list.

I find I do this in all aspects of my life. I expect so much more from myself than I am capable of giving. I feel like I can do it all, when in reality I just can't. Perhaps there are those out there who can, and if so... well, I was going to say share your secrets with me, but frankly that's scary. Perhaps ignorance is bliss. At least this way I can look at the list and tell it to take a hike while I casually write my thoughts and frustrations out in this blog.

May your day be just as productive.

Aaaah, Family

Yesterday was the annual Robbins Family Reunion at my Uncle Randy's house in Grace. It's my mother's side of the family and they are always such fun. We've always been close and up until recently every holiday has pretty much been a family reunion. However, with the addition of several Great Grand-children, it gets more and more difficult to get the herd together. If my grandparents were still alive, they would have 45 great grandchildren and 41 of those are all under 10 years of age. Needless to say there were lots of little ones running around yesterday.


In my family we have had two new additions this year and are anxiously awaiting a third. Velvet and Eli are expecting their first child in two weeks. So far Shani and Ken added a girl to their family, Kiersten Tennant, she is a chunk. Unfortunately I do not have a picture of her yet. Samantha and Doug had a little boy, Wesley Charles Belnap and I do have picture of him for you all to enjoy. (Hey, I can't brag up my own kids so someone else's will have to do. At least they are closely related to me and not some stranger off the street. If I start doing that just take pity on me and put me in an institution of some sort. Just make sure there are pretty pictures on the wall and no sharp objects around.)

Why is it so fun to make babies eat their feet? and they love it!

Vanity and Prejudice...

I finished "Pride and Prejudice" and I must say that I liked it much much much better than "Mansfield Park". Of course I'm not sure if I liked it more because I am familiar with the story or because the people were prettier. You see, I watched a version of "Persuasion" after having read the book. In the story there is a sister who is supposed to be a reputed beauty. Perhaps it's my shallow nature coming through, but my ability to willfully suspend reality in order to enjoy the movie was hindered by the fact that the actors were so very unattractive. It took me half way through the movie to reconcile the fact that they weren't going to look any better regardless of how hard I tried and I should stop trying to make them so. I did enjoy the story though.

With that in mind, the most recent version of "Pride and Prejudice" has Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen in it. Two very beautiful people. So, I either liked the book better because it was a better book, which is true, but my opinion may be swayed by the fact that characters in my mind were directly from the movie... enchanting.

Ready or not, I've been tagged

1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People that are tagged write a blog post about their own 8 random things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post tag 8 people and include their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment on their blog to tell them they've been tagged, and to comment back and read your blog for the whole story.

So, here are my random facts/habits in no certain order:

1. I am currently morally opposed to facebook. I fear I shall soon be forced to capitulate and create an account and I'm sure that by doing so I will selling half of my soul. (no, I have no good reason for feeling this way, I just do.)

2. Unlike Sophie I have the hardest time in the world remembering to floss my teeth. So much so that one roll of dental floss will last up to a full year. Fortunately I am still cavity free.

3. I have a secret obsession with the re-runs of "Angel" the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" spin off. Sometimes it's the only thing that gets me to the gymn in the morning. Every morning an episode airs on TNT at 5:00.

4. I like old houses. If I had my way and all the money in the world, I would buy an older home and fix it up. There's just something about the quirks and architecture of older homes that I just love, as well as the full-grown trees... shade is my friend.

5. I am a semi-closet trekkie. I even own a tribble. Don't know what it is? You must not be a true Star Trek fan.

6. I've always wanted to go sky-diving but never think of going at the appropriate times. I usually think about it in the winter and that just wouldn't be fun. But Summer or early Fall should work. Anyone care to join me?

7. My favorite cereal is Life followed closely by Cocoa Pebbles... yumm!

8. I am the worlds best/worse side-seat driver. I really don't know why David takes me anywhere. It's just one of the reasons why I should take the bus more often, less driving/passenger anxiety.

K, I'm supposed to tag people as well, so... drum roll please, I tag Krista, Kristin, Tawyna, Ginny, David, and Starlyn. (6 will have to do.)

The past week

This past week has been a busy one, as well as one spent away from the modern conveniences such as computers and internet use. This isn't entirely true, the latter half did provide access to a computer, but for some odd reason the computer gods chose to exclude me and my laptop from the abilities to get onto the internet while down south. So, here's a belated and semi-detailed log of the past week.

First, as part of my love and devotion to my mother, as well as my insane need to get away from work if for no other reason than the fact that I can, I spent two days at home stripping wallpaper off the walls. This served two purposes, one it helped my mother in her efforts to redecorate her house, and second, it made me seriously reconsider ever putting wallpaper up in my own home. Paint is my friend. It was gruelling work, but we got it done.

Here we have my sister Samantha, her child Kyle (in the middle) and Laurelyn and Griffen all helping to wet down the walls to get the paper off easier.

Here we have Griffen, King of the wallpaper refuse... he sure did have fun.

On Thursday David and I headed down to Hurricane to spend the holiday with his parents. It was quite fun. I have considered myself quite lucky to have inlaws that are so dang fun! We don't get down there often, but when we do it is always enjoyable.

I was also able to participate in my second golf game ever! The first was at Birch Creek in Smithfield. We went as management from work for a team building experience. I had fun driving the cart... I couldn't hit the ball more than two feet. It was not all that fun. However, this time proved to be a much better experience. We went to Mount Carmel and I actually hit the ball and it went some place! It's a much shorter course, just my size. We had fun.

Aren't we cute.

The Boys

My hubby, he makes me laugh.