The Most Eloquent Prayer

I have a friend who has a friend who has a perfect child.  A child that is kind and considerate and says thoughtful and meaningful prayers at the age of 3.  Prayers that make you say to yourself, "Man I'm glad I have this child, how lucky am I!"

As I listened to my friend who has the friend (confusing no?) the competitive mamma inside of reared up and thought "Eloquent prayers out of your child... I'll give you eloquent prayers out of a child.  Move over sister, a new kid is taking over."  And to prove it, I've decided to share a transcript of my child's eloquent and meaningful prayer at the young and tender age of 2 1/2 years.

Ahem.

Mom: Ben, would you like to say your prayers before bed?

Ben: No.

Ben falls facedown on the ground and doesn't move.  Mom takes this as a sign that he's ready to pray.  She leans over and whispers in his ear.

M: Heavenly Father
B: silence

M: Thankful for this day
B: Nice

M: Thankful for our home.
B: Nice

M: Please helps us be nice
B: silence

M: Help us to sleep well.
B: Sleep

M: In the name of Jesus Christ
B: looks at mom in frustration and says Daddy!

M: repentant of her neglect of family says Please bless Daddy
B: Daddy

M: Please bless Mommy
B: silence

M: Please bless Mommy
B: silence

M: In the name of Jesus Christ
B: looks at mom in frustration and says Toys!

M: Thankful for our toys
B: trucks

M: Thankful for our trucks
B: Nice

M: In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen
B: sigh

There you have it my friends.  He's a natural!  Perhaps someday I'll even make it into his prayers!  A mother can only hope.

M: smile Ben!
B: No.

Some Things About My Child

I have learned some things about my child.  Some necessary and sanity saving things.  Some things that from the outside looking in, might seem like I have no control over my child and there was a time when I would have agreed completely.  Thankfully for myself and for Ben, my understanding has changed.

Take today for example.  Today we were at Charlie's Ice Cream with friends.  It was a large group and there were only a few others who came in after we had settled down with our ice cream so we pretty much had the joint to ourselves.  There was music on the jukebox and the children were playing.  Ben was dancing to the tunes and running around playfully.  (Now I say playfully because I understand that to him, that's what it is.)  He was laughing and occasionally squealing with delight as other children played with him.  He squeals with delight if anyone, adult or child, plays with him.

After several rounds and the recapturing of shoes, David and I tried to contain the bundle of energy that is our son and head home.  He went down for a nap almost immediately.  There was one more round of chasing to be done before the diaper could be changed and he was ready for a nap.

As I sat in Charlies wondering at the energy of my son, I also marveled at how much I have come to accept him.  Not to be confused with "giving up" on him.  But really accepting who he is.  Before he was part of our lives I would never have even imagined myself letting a child run around a restaurant.  That's just not what you let your kids do.  They need to sit quietly and respectfully, not interrupting anyone else.  In fact I would have passed judgement on those who did.

But now?  Now I have Ben.  He is not anything special, he just has more energy in his little toe than I have in my whole body some times.  So here are the things that I have learned and come to love about my child.

1.  He needs to be social. He thrives off of it.  He is friendly and open and makes friends easily wherever he goes, no matter the age.  1-100 he's there to say hello and make a friend. When I keep him in the house too long (not in hours but in days) he starts to wither.  If we go more than 2 days without contact with other people, he starts to get ornery and whiny.  I've even thought he must be sick or something physical was bothering him, but the second he is in contact with someone else he's a changed person, especially if there is someone new to play with.  And I really mean the second.  He will practically drag friends away from their parents to go play with him.

2.  He needs to keep things light and playful.  He picks up quickly on whether I'm upset or even just too serious.  He tries to do things to put a smile on my face and lighten the mood around him.  This is especially apparent when he is in trouble for doing something wrong.  He quickly tries to divert attention to something that usually makes me laugh or smile. I used to think that he was trying to get out of being disciplined but have since learned that it's not the discipline but the "heaviness" of it all.  He wants me to be happy.  If I come down too harsh on him during these times I will not be able to reach him to help him understand what he has done wrong because he will be too busy trying to get me to smile again.  When I back off a little and take him to task gently, he's more likely to listen and make changes to his behavior.

3.  He needs to move.  Not likes or prefers, but actually needs to move.  It is who he is.  I simply cannot expect him to sit completely still during church.  I can expect him to be quiet during church. He can do reverent activities, but to just sit still?  Impossible.  It's like he has a quota of energy that needs to be expended every day.  He needs to take so many running steps, jump so many times, bounce and cavort around the room and crash into things with great vocal gusto.  He needs to move and shake and play and be happy and creative.

All of these things that I love about my child have been a challenge for me.  I do not need to move as much as he does.  Not even 10th of what he does.  I do not like to be out of my house all that much and I like to think about things seriously.  I'm not always happy, not that I'm necessarily sad but I'm just more serious than he is.  I'm not always up to being social and oftentimes would prefer to sit down and watch a movie or read a book.  Which means that sometimes Ben exhausts me.

What are my choices though?  Do I squash Ben's energy, his happy personality, the excitement and joy that he gets out of life?  Some of the very things that are essentially him?  I could have forced Ben to sit still at Charlie's.  He would have cried.  He would have fought me.  He wouldn't have been able to play with the other kids.  We as parents wouldn't have been able to talk to anyone about anything because we would have had to hold him in the vice-grip of death in order for him to sit still.  We would have ended up leaving almost immediately upon arrival and we would have all had a miserable time.

I didn't want that.  I wanted to enjoy my time.  So instead I let him run.  I let him brings a smile to people's face even as they thought perhaps someone should "sit that kid down".  But I honestly don't think anyone was thinking that.  I watched as he greeted people and most everyone answered with a genuine smile and even laughter.  I kept one eye on the people I was with and one eye on him.  When he sat down at someone else's table and started making the little girls laugh, I went and got him so they could enjoy their ice cream together.  When he started for the door to go outside and visit with another family, I wouldn't let him.  He needed to stay safe where I could see him.  He didn't like it, but he did obey.  He could play with the kids that were a part of our group.  When he starting playing in the drinking fountain I stopped him.  He has boundaries, they just don't look like what even I thought they would.

More important than me enjoying my time though, is the responsibility that I have as a parent to my child.  I do not want him growing up thinking that the very things that make him who he is, are wrong or bad or unacceptable.  I want him to always be that happy, social, fun-loving child.  The one who brightens a room.  There will be plenty of people and opportunities as he grows older that will make him question his worth.  He will second guess the things that are so natural to him.  I do not want that questioning to start with me.  I want to be his biggest cheerleader, honoring his unique perspective and abilities and who he really is.  I want him to be able to learn to work with his energy and meet his potential.  No reservations.

Wish us both luck!

My Inner Child

Yesterday was awful. I mean awful.  I felt overwhelmed in every aspect of my life.  I had several irons in the fire and not enough time to attend to all of them.  I hadn't been sleeping all that well and neither had Ben.  In fact he was up several times during the night and then decided to take a 45 minute nap rather than the hour and a half we're used to.

Ben was ornery and clingy.  I was ornery and distant.  We both had to be around each other longer and the to do list had thing that just needed to be done.  The setting was just right for the perfect storm.

It hit at about 7 that evening.  The kitchen was a mess, there was flour on the floor that needed to be vacuumed up, and every room in the house was in a state of disarray.  Every.  Room.  Laundry, cushions, toys, papers, crayons... everything everywhere.  There was no sanctuary.  No place of order to hide and calm down.  Just chaos and a child whining and clinging to my leg constantly.  Constantly.  I had to pry him off to use the bathroom.  Noise noise noise noise noise!

My patience had been used to the very last drop. There was no reserve, no bottom of the barrel to scrape.  It was just gone.

I handed Ben off to David who was equally tired and spent and began trying to find some order in the chaos.  2.5 seconds later Ben was at my skirt whining to be carried and I just could. not. do it.  I exploded.  I let out a primal yell all my own, stomped on the floor, and had the grown up equivalent of a two year old fit.  The reaction it caused would have made James P Sullivan of Monsters Inc. fame proud.

Ben ran scared to David for comfort and I felt like a monster.  A monster of a mother who lost her cool in a big way.  A monster who scared her child rather than comforted.  A monster who stomped and yelled and caused disarray.

David quickly took Ben out for a walk and I rampaged around the house throwing things to get them in order, cleaning like a mad woman and working very hard to calm down.  Bewildered by my own reaction and scared of myself. By the time they got back I was able to hold it together and apologize for my behavior.  I felt ashamed and a little lost.

Now for today.

Today was better.  Today I decided that the to do list could go and to do itself.  The important things got done and the never ending list of other things did not even get thought of.  I went for a walk with my son this morning and let him take the lead.  We ended up at a nearby park and he decided when to go home.  We had lunch on the deck with David and we all laughed with each other.  Ben went down for a nap and I went to the temple.

At the temple I regained some perspective and asked for my burden to be lightened.  There was nothing to take away, but God could bless me not to feel it so heavily upon my back.  I listened.  I asked questions in my heart and received direction and answers.  I came to understand more about the blessings and the power of God in my life.  About the Priesthood.  About men and women and why we work well together and why we have to work together.  I asked to be a better mother to my son.  I left with peace in my heart.

It was hot when I got home.  Hot enough to put Ben in his swimsuit and put a pair of shorts on myself.  I threw propriety, caution, and my own inhibitions to the wind and Ben and I got soaked in the sprinklers together.  We played outside all the rest of the afternoon and walked around the neighborhood in wet clothes, sunscreen, and the best big floppy hat in the entire world.  I felt like a kid again.  My body remembered the feel of the never-ending Summer days spent outside, playing in the water, listening to the wind in the trees, and feeling the sun warm my wet skin.  Ben's belly laughs as he took control of the water and sprayed me down made it even more magical.  I showed Ben how to leave wet swimsuit marks on the porch which was amazing to him.

I do have an inner child and for the first time in a long time it has been let out to see the sun.  It was free.  I was my child's best friend today and we both enjoyed our extended time together immensely.  There was no whining, no patience drained.  In fact it was hardly even tapped into.  Ben chatted away happily at dinner time and the whining of yesterday was replaced by laughter today.

Today was a gift.  I hope tomorrow will be one too.

I Said "Hold Please"

Remember when I said I was putting life on hold for awhile so that I could sort out the better from the good and the best from the better?  Maybe not so much in those words, but that was the intent.  Take time to breathe.  Take time to make the choices to have those things in my life again.

Remember that?

Did you hear the universe laugh right after you read that?

I didn't myself, but clearly it was.  Last week was one of the busiest in a long time.  All good stuff. Several unanticipated events.  Play dates, planned and not planned.  The chance to help out a friend in need.  The opportunity to help a sister in need, the kind that just shouldn't be let go.  David and I actually had a date night, you know that time that gets set aside for you and the hubby to actually spend uninterrupted time together outside of your own living room?  That weekly event that happened before you had kids.  It's been so long since we've actually had a shot at one that there was no way either one of us was going to give it up.  All of these good opportunities that apparently waited until I decided to "take a break" to show themselves.  Needless to say, the breath was taken away and filled with some goods, betters, and even bests.

But...

I'm tired.  My house is just icky in places.  My son is missing his alone time with mama because he simple hasn't had the luxury of my breath either.  At least not without me trying to do two or three things at once.

So today has been his time.  I have done the bare minimum (feed the family and shower) and the rest of the time has been spent with Ben.  I have let him lead today.  So far we've played at the park, watched Finding Nemo, eaten goldfish till we could no more (I haven't decided if that's cool or disturbing that we eat goldfish while watching a cartoon fish go to great lengths to save his son), and finally gone down for a nap.  Which is why I am here.

When he wakes I'll see where the day will take us next.

The dishes can wait till this evening.  Responsibilities will still be here tomorrow.  But today is ours and it feels good to breathe.

Find the Love

Do you ever have those times where the love for something or someone just hits you over the head and leaves you trying to catch your breath?

The kind that causes something inside to ache with the love that his overflowing your entire body at that moment?

The kind that makes you want to snatch up whatever or whomever is the object of that love?

I had that today for my son.  My son who drives me absolutely insane sometimes but at others I just can't seem to get enough of him.  His giggles, his smiles, his plethora of facial expressions.

Today I read a book to him.  "You Are Special" by Max Lucado.  It's a story about wooden people who go around rating each other on their accomplishments and attributes with stickers.  Stars for those who did well, gray dots for those who did not.  Stars for those who looked good, dots for those who did not.  There is one little wooden man who always has gray dots no matter how hard he tries to get a star.  He feels bad and finds himself not even wanting to go outside for fear he will do something wrong and get more gray dots.

One day the little wooden man comes across a girl who has no stickers at all.  No stars, no dots.  They just don't stick to her.  People try to give her stars or dots and they just fall off.  He decides he wants to be like that as well so he is told to visit Eli, his maker.  In his visit he finds someone who knows his name.  Someone who loves him no matter what because he is special.  When he realizes that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it only matters what Eli, his maker, thinks, then the dots stop sticking to him as well.

I couldn't help but think of this precious little boy that I have in my home.  This child who is learning and growing and wants so much to be able to do everything.  This child that is special because he is a child of God.  If we could all see ourselves through the eyes of our maker... wouldn't we be filled with love as well?

My challenge to you is to find the love today.  It's there, even in the crappiest of craptastic days, it's still there waiting to be noticed, seen, and felt.

Oy with the poodles!

A story.

Today I gave Ben some goldfish crackers to snack on while he watched Toy Story.  When I went down to check on him I was met with crackers crushed into the carpet.  Perfect time for a teaching moment.

Mom: "You can't have anymore juice or watch anymore Toy Story till you clean up the crackers."

Child responds calmly with "Jesus?" and points at the picture of Christ.

M: "Yes, that is Jesus, but changing the subject won't work.  Pick up the crackers."

C: "Watch Buzz?"

M: "Pick up crackers."

C: "Buzz? Woody (pronounced "Wooey")?"

M: "Crackers".

C: bursts into tears and stretches out arms towards mom for comfort.

M: "No.  I'm sorry, but you have to pick up the crackers first."

Weeping and wailing and running of nose ensues while mom leaves the room and hopes child will find the error of his ways while congratulating herself for not getting angry and having a level head about the whole thing.  "What a wonderful teaching moment this is, and how splendid it will be to help my child learn here and now in these very moments, the lesson that is to pick up after himself.  By George, I'll have him working by my side in my housework efforts by the end of the day," she thought naively.

Half hour later weeping and wailing is replaced by a shaky little voice by the railing.

C: "Hi"

M: "Hi Ben. Have you picked up the crackers?"

C: nods in the affirmative.

Mom goes to check and sees crackers still there.  Child reaches out for comfort and mom again rejects child.

M: "Pick up the crackers."

Weeping and wailing again for another half hour.

M: having slight change of heart mom thinks to herself "perhaps if I hand him a cracker so he can put in in the container and then give him lots of positive encouragement for his efforts he will get it."

Mom takes child to basement, hands him a cracker and instructs him to put it in the container.

Child won't take cracker.  Child reaches for mom, mom rejects, child cries.

Mom lets child sit in her lap and tries again with the cracker.

Child eats cracker.

Mom says "Seriously!!"  Throws hands in the air and gets out the vacuum.  Tries to make child do the task but realizes that he's not strong enough to push it.

"Oy with the poodles!"


Ben 1, Mom 0
Rematch is just around the corner I'm sure.

My son is a goober.

A List

1.  Each year I think that the summer is going too quickly, and each year August comes and I wonder if it will ever be cool again.  Will the nights ever cool off quickly enough?  Will I ever want to go outside again?  Because frankly, right now I don't want anything hot... at all.  I want that crisp chill in the air that Fall brings.  I want the season to change and Fall to last longer by starting it earlier.

2.  Checking out ebooks from the Library for my Nook just might drive me to drink.  I have two brave souls who powered through the process and passed the information on to me.  I followed the instructions.  I made it past the error messages and thought that I was in the clear.  But no.  Oh no.  The fates have conspired and I still can't get it to work.  Fortunately I have in home tech support who will hopefully figure it out for me because frankly my head hurts.

3.  My son is a jumper.  He's jumping.  On things, off things, from the floor, from the couch.  It's a good thing 911 is easy to remember.  I haven't had to use it yet and hopefully never will. Oh my brave and scary boy!

4.  I have been going through Ben's old clothes again.  I figure it was time since I had boxes stuffed to over flowing.  What surprised me was that some I just could not give up.  Even though they are all going to a good home and they don't fit him anymore at all.  Even though having them around for the "maybe we'll get another one" kind of breaks my heart a little.  I just couldn't give them all.  It's not so much the hope that there will be another as the inability to let go of the little that my little one used to be.  In short, I may be in denial.

5.  My baby is 18th months. 18 months!! When? How?  He used to be this:

Now he's this:

That is all.  The end of the list.  Mostly because my baby who is not much of a baby anymore is up, and needing me, and I'm gonna try to enjoy every minute of it.

Happy Friday.

Which one of these things is not like the other?

One of the things that Ben really enjoys is sitting in his chair and being stuffed in it with all his stuffed animals. This was a lucky picture from my phone since the minute they are all on top of him, he usually just starts to push the animals off.  I really love the expression.

Dear Friday...

Dear Friday,
I'm so glad that you are here, but why did you have to bring snow too?

Dear David,
You are the love of my life.  Sometimes I forget that and sometimes it comes rushing back with full force.  Thank you for being the man that you are.  The one who helps me, listens to me, and loves me despite me.

Dear Ben,
I love your stinkin' guts! Your twin drool lines down your face crack me up. I can't get over how big you are getting and I would like you to slow it down just a bit.  At least until I can relish these moments a little more.

Dear Flowers,
I know you are getting another layer of snow but please do not let this deter you from showing yourselves.  I have been looking forward to your arrival for months now and I am ridiculously excited for your color and life.

Dear Quilt,
I'm almost done with you.  Did you ever think it would happen?  Me neither.  Thanks for hanging in there through it all.

A lovely weekend to you all,

Lora

CY365: Use Your Senses

I have a ridiculous love for my child.  And I make no apologies.  He delights me so much.  He makes me laugh all the stinkin' time and I just can not get enough of his smiles and giggles and facial expressions.  Today the picture topic is Use Your Senses.  There are many things that I could have taken.  But most of those involved way too much effort and at the time I was taking these I just was not feeling all that hot. 

But Ben? Oh Ben.  Whenever I do laundry his favorite thing is to walk around with a pair of silky underwear on his head because he can see through them and loves the texture.  It totally cracks me up.  This is an old curtain that I cut up for him to walk around with instead.  He LOVES it.  Gets a giggle out of him every time and lots and lots of hugs.  He thinks it's the bees knees and so do I.

Scenes from the rest of December: The Ben

The Ben turned 10 months old this December.  His hobbies include:

playing the piano

eating food by himself

splashing all the water out of the bathtub

sitting with his little feet and bum in the cutest position ever

getting into things that he shouldn't

making new faces for me to laugh at

putting things around his neck, including a scarf that his father got at a gift exchange

skating/crawling around the house with blocks making as much noise as possible.

Can not get over how big he is getting.  He has taken his first independent steps and is laughing up a storm whenever he can.  He's also taken up cage fighting, but that's a post for another day. He's a little bit on the mischievous side and for some reason that delights me to no end.

A day in the life

Tuesday 8/28/2012

This was our day.

It's not important.

It's not life altering.

But it was kind of fun in places.

Stressful in others.

Always more to do that time to do it in.

Including capturing it in picture form.

So here are some highlights.

Just the good stuff.

 

 

Ben got his first tooth.  His first real tooth.  It appeared on Sunday. In celebration I gave him an apple slice on Tuesday.  He wasn't sure what do.

He figured out it.

 

This is the current state of my produce corner. I keep on meaning to bottle or freeze the tomatoes, cook the zucchini and yellow squash and baby potatoes for dinner, boil the yams for Ben, leaving the pears, bananas, and avocados a sanctuary all their own to ripen and be eaten as pleased.

 

Breakfast of champions!  A Kefir, banana, peach, strawberry smoothie and a banana bar with cream cheese frosting.  The smoothie should balance everything out right??

 

We went for a walk.  Ben in his hat and me in mine.  That should work off some of those cream cheese calories right?  Ok, I don't really care about the calories, but we both enjoyed the fresh air.

 

The zucchini was used!  Oven baked zucchini chips to the rescue!  Surprisingly tasty too!

 

I finally got the chance to use my multi-pack of sharpie markers.  I'm a sucker for office/school supplies and have been wanting these for a long long time.  I found them on sale for $4 at Staples and they were mine!  So much better than $12!  I would post a picture of what I did with them, but it would ruin a birthday surprise for someone else.

 

Ben LOVES bath time.  Loves. The bathroom gets a shower every time he gets a bath!

 

Nothing like a little chocolate to end the day and something on Netflix to end a day.

 

More happened.

David was here for some of it.

He worked at CAPSA all day, came home and quickly grilled burgers for dinner and headed off to a Young Men's activity, thus his absence in the photo portion.

 

All in all, not a bad day.

 

 



Six Months!

Can you believe my baby is 6 months old!

Me neither.

But it's true.

I tried to think of what I would be doing as this time of year if Ben wasn't a part of it.  And thinking about life without him seemed so very boring!  He has brought more laughter, more smiles, more joy than I ever thought possible.

LOVE this little guy.

What a great 6 months!

Can't Get Enough

We're starting him on solids.  What do you think?  Is the entire apple too much?

I just can't seem to get enough of this little guy.  I told myself that I would take pictures of things other than my child.  I told myself that there is more to life.  I told myself that I would document all of life, not just the child.  I've been trapped in the room before with the proud parent and 4,000 pictures of the first three weeks of life.  I've given them the "ooohs" and "ahhhs" that were expected even though to my untrained eye I could NOT tell the difference in facial expressions compared to the first 100 that were shown to me.

But.

It seems I have a problem.  I am completely taken with this little guy!  He makes me laugh.  He can always bring a smile to my face and a lift to my spirits.  He has stolen my heart.

So forgive me my indulgence.  I do have many many blog post topics running around in my brain, and perhaps if you are lucky, and I remove the camera from my immediate reach... you'll get to read something more.  Then again, maybe not.

A few photos

For those of you not in facebook land... I give you Ben.

You're welcome.

Some Thoughts on This Motherhood Thing

I LOVE being a mom.  Love.

Even if I'm doing everything wrong.  Even if my house looks like it belongs on the set of a natural disaster movie.  Even if I am sleep deprived and have absolutely no idea what dinner will be.  I love it.

Why, you may ask, do I love it?  With the diaper changes and the spit up and the crying and fussing and feeding and constant laundry and no time to myself... how could I possible love this? 

Because whether it's 3 in the morning or 3 in the afternoon, when I cuddle my little boy and sing him a song or tell him a story to help him go back to sleep, and he nestles his little face close to me and smiles at me around his pacifier... I could be content for the rest of my life.

Never has sleep deprivation come with so much love, so much joy.  No finished assignment, or house cleaning project, or spell of alone time has ever made me laugh quite as much as my little man or brought as much peace.  Nothing has ever been able to readjust my attitude like his myriad of facial expressions.

Sometimes I wake up and can't believe that we have a child.  That he's really with us, he's really ours.  I keep trying to memorize the way that he feels in my arms right now.  I don't want to forget it.  I know this time will go so quickly and I really do want to enjoy every moment.  So I have a gazillion pictures that will bore most people to tears, a box of clothes that he's grown out of already, and as many memories as I can make to help me remember the yesterdays and todays before tomorrow sneaks up on us and takes those memories away.  Before he's walking and talking and getting ready for school.

You'll know it's time to turn the page when...

...you hear the chimes.

Did you ever have those books that went along with the records when you were little?  You know, the Disney books that told the story and you could play the record and follow along in the book?  And the way you knew to turn the page was by hearing Tinkerbell's bell, or the chimes, or the dog barking. 

I've been thinking a lot about our story lately.  The story of David and I and now Ben.  They way it took so long to hear those chimes.  So long to get to turn to the next page.  To move on.  To progress.

Last Sunday (April 15th) we had Benjamin blessed.  It made me cry just a little.  I think I would have cried a lot more but I still had to lead the singing in church.  It was a special day.  A day that not too long ago I didn't think would come.  Those of you who have been with me for awhile know the struggle that we have had to get this little guy.  To start our family and turn the page.

It was nice to have a say in a few things that day.  Like the music.  As Music Chairman for the ward I got to pick out the hymns.  For the rest hymn I did a Primary song, "My Heavenly Father Loves Me". I love this song.  It's simple message.  The imagery that "whenever I hear the song of a bird or look at the blue blue sky" brings.  I can almost feel the "velvet rose" and the "rain on my face".  "I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world, Heavenly Father created for me."  I love it because it reminds me of my Dad.

He probably doesn't remember but years and years ago, during a family home evening in the Hubbard household, my dad proclaimed "My Heavenly Father Loves Me" as his favorite song.  I'm pretty sure that's when I started liking it.  It speaks of my father and my Father.  It brings fond memories and warm feelings.  And now I sing it to Ben when he's fussy.  When I'm putting him to bed.  When I think I need to hear it as well.

David did the blessing.  He blessed Ben with health and the ability and knowledge to take care of his body.  He blessed him with a kind heart and the ability to have empathy and charity to all around him.  He was blessed with courage, to stand up for the gospel among his peers and to be honest when it is not convenient.  He blessed him with a sensitivity to the Spirit, a strong testimony, and the ability to know of God's love for him. He was blessed to know the consequences of his actions and to learn from them.  To give service and follow the gospel.

There were more, but those are the ones that stood out to me.  I have spent many an afternoon wondering what kind of man my little boy will be.  I find myself excited to find out.  Curious about how he'll look.  The adorable little face that I look at now... what will teenagehood bring!  Will he try growing a beard?  Will I still be able to recognize "my little boy" in a growing man?  Mostly I want to know what he'll have to say.  What his thoughts will be on politics, on scouts, on girls.  What kind of music will he listen to?  Will I like it or will it drive me nuts?  Will he be well-grounded or will his head perpetually be in the clouds?  Class clown or class protector?  Perhaps I should be more worried, but I can't bring myself to that just yet.  I'm too excited.  (However, I may need someone to remind me about this in say 13 years.)

It was a beautiful day.  Spent with wonderful family and wonderful friends.  And me feeling more and more blessed.

But sometimes our joys can inadvertently bring sadness to others.  I remember all too well what it was like to sit in the audience while someone else was having their baby blessed.  I was never not happy for them, it was just an overwhelmingly painful reminder of what we didn't have.  What we weren't sure if we could ever have, and what we wanted so desperately.  A reminder that my body wasn't working.  That for some reason, we couldn't turn to the next page.

I have dear friends who are still struggling with infertility.  Who always will be.  It doesn't go away.  Even if you have a baby through modern medicine or adoption... it doesn't go away.  We don't know if we'll be able to have another child.  We want one.  But we just don't know.  What we do  know, what I know, is that the Lord has had his hand in our lives the entire time.  He has placed people and jobs and homes in our path.  He has blessed us in so many more ways than we ever imagined.

He knows.

He knows our struggles and he knows who we need to become.  He will send the silver linings to our dark clouds to help us make it through.  And when we start to recognize his hand, we can see it everywhere.

Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers on our behalf.  For your friendship.  For celebrating this time with us whether in person or in spirit.  I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world Heavenly Father created for me.

Photos...

Happy Spring.

Benjamin: Days and Knights

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Benjamin.  He was only a month old, but he was more than he seemed.  His parents didn't know this of course, so they went on blissfully with their lives not knowing that a hero was laying amongst them.

Each night, Benjamin would be bathed by his parents.  He would be fed, and he would be rocked asleep.  Now normally this would mean that he would be asleep for awhile.  After all a clean, fed, and rocked baby was pretty satisfied.  And most of the time that was true.  But sometimes it was not. Sometimes, Benjamin craved adventure.

So, after he was bathed and fed and rocked, Benjamin would only pretend to be asleep.  This time, instead of his parents waiting for him to sleep, he would lay really still and wait for his parents to go to sleep.  Soon enough, they would stop talking about their day and drift off into slumber.  He knew they were really asleep when Dad would start snoring softly and momma wouldn't jiggle the bed to wake him up and make him stop.

It was then that Benjamin's adventures would begin.  You see, he really wanted to become a knight.  A real knight who carried a sword and shield, rode a brave steed, and defended the kingdom from harm.  He needed to prove his bravery before he could become a knight and he had a plan to do just that.

Sometimes when he pretended to be asleep, he would hear strange sounds in the night.  Something bumping around outside and making low roaring noises. At first he didn't know what they were, but he soon figured it out.  He was pretty sure that it was a dragon, and if anything could prove his worth to become a knight, it would be slaying a dragon!

He began making plans. He needed a sword, shield, helmet, and a trusty steed.  The first three were easy.  Momma's rolling pin would work nicely for a sword, Dad's flip-flop fit perfectly on his arm for a shield, and he had a magic crocheted beannie that was perfect for a helmet.  It was the steed that would be the problem.  After all, a brave knight could not go into battle on foot.

His problem didn't last for long.  He was soon introduced to the neighbor's dog, Sadie.  She was noble and friendly and just the right size for Benjamin to ride.  And most of all, she craved adventure too.  So when Benjamin approached her one night about his plans, she was more than willing to oblige.  As a matter of fact she almost knocked Benjamin over with excitement at just the idea of it!  He knew then and there that he had found his trusty steed.

There was only one snag.  Time.  You see, even though Benjamin was bathed and fed before he was put to sleep...  milk only lasted so long.  It took him awhile to wait for his parents to go to sleep.  And then it took quite a bit of energy to crawl out of his bed.  You see, he was still quite short and his bed was still quite high so he had to tie all of the burp clothes together like a rope and crawl down it to get out of bed.  And then it took time to find all of his armor because his parents kept on moving them to different places.  So by the time he was outfitted and ready to go... well his stomach would start to rumble.  He needed to eat.  And that was one thing that he hadn't figured out how to get by himself.  He still needed his momma.

So he would take off his armor, climb back into bed, hide his rope underneath the mattress and go about his business of letting momma know he was hungry.  Pretty soon he would hear momma start to stir and feel her hand reaching over to see how he was doing.  She would pick him up and calm him down and feed him.  Sometimes she would say things like "My goodness, it's only been two hours and you're hungry already! You must be going through a growth spurt!"  Benjamin would just smile.  But it was dark and momma wasn't awake enough to see it.  She would then feed him, and kiss him, and rock him back to sleep. 

It was times like these when Benjamin though to himself that maybe this life wasn't so bad after all.  Maybe he didn't crave adventure like he thought.  After all his momma's arms were so warm and comforting.  And she talked so softly to him.  He rather liked it.  Maybe he didn't need to be a knight.  The rolling pin was kind of heavy, and his legs didn't really reach the ground when he was on his trusty steed.  In fact he mostly just laid on top of her and gave the command to charge.  Maybe he should wait until he was a little older.

At least that's what he told himself.  Sometimes he even believed it.

~~~~~~~~~~~
Momma: Good heavens I wish this child would stop getting his days and nights mixed up!
Benjamin: Silly momma! The business of knights is for the nights.
Then he smiled and went back to sleep.

Original story by Lora Sullivan.
Created in the wee small hours of the morning.

Some Observations on This Whole Thing

This whole thing being the motherhood thing, and I guess other random things as well.  Some were anticipated, some... well, were not.

1.  I completely underestimated the sheer amount of laundry that this little guy would bring into the house. Piles and piles of soft fluffy fabrics and itty bitty confetti-like socks.  All doused in some bodily fluid or another.  Good thing nothing stinks yet!

2. I'm pretty sure the only reason it snowed last week was because I could finally put on regular shoes.  That's right my friends, the ankles are back with a vengeance!  The day they were not swollen I was surprised at how delicate they looked!  Which means they were swollen for a really really really long time.

3.  I've finally accepted the fact that my schedule is run by my son regardless of what is on my agenda for the day.  I can merely try.  I am becoming comfortable with failure.

4.  David is much better at putting Benjamin to sleep than I am.  I think it's his voice.  Or the fact that by the end of the day my patience is severely depleted.

5.  I'm so glad that we have 11 am church.  9 would probably rendered me inactive.

6.  My brain is only performing at a fraction of it's capabilities.  I feel that I must apologize to lots of people for having AADD in the middle of a conversation.

7.  Sometimes Ben giggles in his sleep.  Yes, giggles.  And he occasionally smiles.  A real one.  I don't think he knows he's doing it, but it is definitely a smile.  It even lasts awhile.

That is all.  Oh, and yesterday was the two week mark.  Seems like a lot longer than that!  He's already taken up wrestling though.  However, the bear just might win this one.  Happy Tuesday everyone.