As the World Turns

I used to think that the scientists had it right.  The Earth was spinning on an axis of sorts keeping the delicate balance up that keeps most of us from burning or freezing.  Natural disasters, global warming and all that jazz aside of course.

This past month has taught me something entirely different.  My world revolves around my couch!  The couch is what is keeping the delicate balance of my life.  It's proximity to the bathroom, the tv remote, and various items of food.  Okay, well not so various.  August has brought to my delicate palate Chicken Pot Pies, Chicken Ramen Noodles, Pringles Salt and Vinegar chips, and three kinds of cereal.  Sometimes the pot pie is for lunch and the ramen for dinner, sometimes I get wild and crazy and switch it up.  I know, hold me back!  But that's not what this is about.

So what is this about?  Well I'll tell ya.  As I've been wallowing in despair, depression, morning/all-day sickness, and finding a will to live, I've learned a few things. 

1.  Good friends are absolutely invaluable.  Especially when you've dropped off the face of the communication earth and they still love and support you.

2.  It's okay if you have to take something to get through the day.  I've struggled with depression before but have always been able to keep it at bay with regular exercise and a good daily routine.  Pregnancy changed that.  And that's okay.  Modern medicine is a good thing.  So are therapists.  So are conference talks online and inspirational music.  Things are really looking up.

3.  I am most definitely not the only one who struggles right now.  My struggle is dealing with something that will ultimately fulfill everything that I have really wanted.  To be a mom. I have a reward at the end.  So many others are struggling right now with no end in sight.  Family, friends, perfect strangers.  In my self-wallowing pity party (which was completely justified, acceptable, and often beyond my control to stop by the way) I haven't seen much past me.  Now, as the dark cloud over my head has been lifting, I am seeing so much more.  So many who need a helping hand and support and love.  To know that they are OK and wonderful, marvelous, incredible people.  To have someone tell them that it's going to be OK.  That even though they can't see a way out right now, it's still there.  The clouds will lift.  There will be happiness again.

My husband did that for me.  My friends did that for me.  My family did that for me.  Angels come in so many forms.  So to you all, and you know who you are, Thank You.  A long overdue thank you.

And now to go forward.  I've had a few really good days.  I won't be so naive as to think that the bad ones are over forever.  But there is light at the end of the tunnel.  There is hope.  There is joy.

Thankful for..

1.  Little Caesar's pizza at 9:30 pm.  Felt pretty darn good this morning.
2.  My husband's willingness to cook breakfast... banana pancakes.
3.  4 day weekend for my husband.
4.  The fact that I work at home so I get a 4 day weekend too.
5.  Wonderful family who has invited us for the 4th.
6.  Friends who have so willingly put up with me.
7.  The pitter-patter of kitten feet.
8.  A/C to be installed on Thursday.
9.  Good co-workers who also put up with me.
10. David's Family. I think they are awesome! All of them, extended and everything.
11. Good advice.
12. Good fences.
13. Restaurants so I don't have to cook.
14. Book Club women, past and present... sigh...
15. Life and all that it brings.

I feel a little overwhelmed at so much love and generosity and good feelings that have come our way these last few years.  We'll we've always been blessed but we've been completed overwhelmed as of late.  And Trish, I was so good to see you last Sunday, I was sad to have to leave so early!  It was fun to chat and laugh and enjoy.  One of the many perks of being down South last weekend.

It is time now to move on.  Time to get over the shock of these blessings and become a participating member of society once again.  To reciprocate the support that has been given.  Time to clean the house, really clean the house.  Time to get back into a work routine.  To cook even if I don't feel like it.  Time to be the responsible adult. 

And you know what?  It feels good.  Really good.  I feel like I've got my feet back under me again.  Not so much tossing about with every wind or hormone injection.  So thank you all again for everything.  Here's to a new chapter.

I'm sitting here...

I'm sitting here in a robe and pajamas.

It's Monday.  What a wonderful day to be sitting here in my robe and pajamas.

David and I got back from Hurricane last night after spending Christmas with the Sullivan clan.  (Can I call it a clan?  I mean it wasn't even the completely family - Sophie and Andrew were in Texas - but "family" seems so formal, "clan" seems more manly?? It just fits better knowing the crew.)  Anyway, it was warm there.  It is cold here. But there was still nothing as glorious as walking in to my home after a few nights away.

I've been thinking a lot about this past year.  It always happens when a new year approaches.  I almost can't help but start taking stock of what has happened during the last 12 months of my life.  Not surprisingly, it didn't take long before I felt so abundantly blessed. 

"Abundance" is my friend Tawnya's word of the year for 2010 and it just fits so perfectly.  I hope Tawnya that you don't feel like I'm stealing anything, but I really just can't get over how much David and I have been blessed.  We have a home that we love, friends that just warm our hearts and make everything better, financial blessings even despite the set-backs, a wonderful ward and neighborhood.  We are appreciated at our jobs, we have wonderful family that I can't imagine being without (yes, that includes both sides!), and our relationship with each other is stronger than ever before. 

There are so many details that I could go into but I don't have the kind of time and you aren't really interested in reading a book right now.  But my heart is overflowing with gratitude for everything with we have been blessed with, even the trials.  Life certainly doesn't turn out the way we all plan and David and I both didn't think we would be childless for so long.  But looking back at this journey, there are silver linings every step of the way. Most especially in the people that we know and have been blessed to be able to associate with.  The Lord truly does have a plan for us and he blesses us every way he can.

Thank you all for being such wonderful people.  For blessing our lives so much by just being yourselves.  You are our best Christmas gifts. 

Christmas Day

Christmas Day.

We woke up bright and early

and watched nieces and nephews open presents.

We spent the night at Jarom and Melissa's home

and got to spend the morning with their three kids.

It was so fun being able to watch

their faces light up with joy.

Isn't it that much more fun to watch a child

rather than spend it without.

Unfortunately I didn't get photos of our actual Christmas morning

but I was able to get some at mom and dad's

though even then I failed miserably at getting pics of everyone.

oh well!

The boys playing with Christmas.

See what I have to put up with!

What is it with kids and little chairs.

Axel couldn't fit but we sure got a kick out of watching him try.

To the founder of the feast.. or at least part of it.

Alex dazzled us with his dutch oven prowess.

Just us, enjoying the day.

Just run with it.

Mornings are usually filled with random thoughts going through my head starting at oh... 5 a.m. or so. Today you get a glimpse. Scary huh!

1. I once "dated" some one who wanted to start exercising. Rather than let me run with him (cause I was running already) he just asked me to follow along after him in my car. Yeah, idea lasted all of two seconds. Weird huh. Was he just afraid of being shown up by a girl? Perhaps I should have taken the opportunity and just run him over... hmm. (I would never do it, but the cartoon of it that plays through my head is pretty funny.)

2. My dad is okay. Thank you all for the support. He is currently in the hospital. They thought he had a heart attack on Monday but further tests show that the sack around his heart has an infection causing the heaviness and the heart attack symptoms. He is hooked up to an iv to clear away the infection and should be right as rain in a few days.

3. My hair looks like a big burr this morning, I don't know how to tame it. And yes this is after it has been freshly washed and dried... Definitely time to get a haircut. Why do I insist on waiting so long?!

4. One of my favorite things about my bathroom is that the heating vent blows right on my feet while I get ready for work. Aaaahhhh.

5. Live music on the radio rarely sounds good. There's some guy on the Eagle who is from England and it honestly sounds like he's trying to do a James Brown impression. It kind of makes me want to call and ask him to please please stop.

6. I hate buying close-toed shoes. I much prefer shoes that let my feet breath and show cute, painted toenails. I almost feel like it's a waste of my money to buy practical shoes when I can buy cute ones. Winter always throws my for a loop. Since I hate winter shoes, I am facing the dilemma of: should I wear warm shoes that have some sort of weird squeak when I walk, or the ones that hurt the back of my heels. Sigh... we're not even going to talk about socks.

The end. Hope you all have a marvelous, warm-footed day.

I woke up early this morning, the newly fallen snow reflecting the street lights around and lighting up the night. Walking around the house in the dark but still able to see.

I received some disturbing news about my dad yesterday. He's been having really bad headaches and a heaviness on his chest. It has been happening for awhile but he has been able to get rid of it all with medication but this last weekend he wasn't so lucky. He went to the doctor yesterday and found out that half of his heart isn't working. Of course they are running more tests to see what the cause is and therefore what the treatment will be. Treatment could be as simple as pill to as complicated as a bypass surgery.

I'm not sure how to process this information. Part of me wants to burst into tears and my heart wants to break for my dad. The other part tells me that doctors are wonderful and medicine has come a long ways and he will be just fine. Perhaps it is because the heart is such a delicate matter and in so many ways. Isn't it the heart that keeps us all alive, physically, emotionally. I'm pretty sure that my dad's body will be just fine. I am worried about him emotionally though.

Dad has always been such a hard worker. When the body starts to fail, it's hard not to tie one's worth to one's abilities. It's easy to feel worthless and like dead weight. Can't he see there's so much more to life than the ability to move pipe and drive fence posts.

Walking around in the dark but still able to see. It's bright outside right now, but it is an artificial light. Man-made to help us get through the night. When the light of the sun shines across the horizon, how much brighter it will be. Almost blindingly so with the light that only God can give.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree...

... thy leaves are so unchanging

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,

Thy leaves are so unchanging.

Not only when something or other

but also in na na na na

Who knew that so few people know the words to "O Christmas Tree"?!

Last night was my big family Christmas party. The one that I was putting the music together for. As crunch time came, my visions of a re-usable song book bound together for everyone's singing pleasure, came crashing to a halt. Due to lack of time, my vision took a drastic change to "just get the stupid words on the paper so that they have something to look at". Since I had approximate 1 hour to finish the job and get it printed, I opted not to write down the words to all the songs. Seriously, who doesn't know the words to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "O Christmas Tree"?! That would be my family.

The party went well though. And people got a kick out of my typos... or maybe I just got a kick out of my typos. Best one: In "Sleigh Ride" I typed "Let's take that road before us and sign a chorus or two". Best part is that without fail everyone sang sign! Oh the power of the written lyrics!

Enough of that. This week's highlights:

1. Most funnest book club ever! (it's my blog I can write it how I want to) We read "The Bright Side of Disaster". I quite enjoyed the book even with the bit of language that seemed to be stuck in their now and then. It was odd to think that some of the things that she was dealing with, I may never go through myself. (It was about a woman having her first child. It's more complicated than that but it does give you an idea.) Mostly I loved getting to know more about the delightful women who are in the book club with me. It was soooo good to laugh uncontrollably with everyone! Looking ever forward to next month.

2. I attended Activity Days for the first time of my entire life seeing as Activity Days came after my time (which kind of makes me feel old.... oh well). It was such a boost to have the girls happy and even excited to see me! Seriously, there really is nothing like Primary kids to give you a huge self-esteem lift.

3. The afore mentioned family Christmas party has come to a close. Sigh.

4. I didn't eat sugar for 5 whole days!!! Wow huh! For those of you who know me, that's like a Christmas miracle itself. I usually form a severe addiction to all things sugar/chocolate on Halloween and it lasts until roughly Easter. This new achievement actually started thanks to my husband. For the drive home from Hurricane after Thanksgiving, our "meal" consisted of Mountain Dew (my caffeinated beverage of choice), Nibs, Cheese Nips, and an embarrassingly large bag of Reese's Pieces. The Reese's Pieces and Nibs I blame entirely on Cecil by the way. We were both really quite ill by the time we got home and new we would be but didn't care. And the saddest part is that neither one of us would have changed a thing in retrospect. That's when we knew something had to be done. Sugar free week-days and sugar weekends. We have to do it together or we'll both fail. Seems to be working well so far.

Music/video to start the week with:

Giving Thanks

It's been a while since I have written and I truly have so many good things to be thankful for. But first, a book quote. I just finished reading "One True Thing" by Anna Quindlen. The main character, Ellen, has moved home from a very successful job in NY to take care of her dying mother whom she never really knew. One passage reads:

"If I knew you would be happy I could close my eyes now and rest." Her voice was beginning to sink and die, as though it was going down the drain, rush of words to trickle of whisper. "It's so much easier."

"I know it is. I wish you could."

"No, not that. The being happy. It's so much easier, to learn to love what you have instead of yearning always for what you're missing, or what you imagine you're missing. It's so much more peaceful."

I love that passage. It's the essence of what so many of us are trying to be.. happy, but failing at because we are searching for it in the next phase of life that is always so unreachable. I'll be happy when... You fill in the blank. Don't we have a right to happiness now? Haven't we all worked too hard to not enjoy what we have? I give you my incomplete list of thankfulness.

1. I have the best husband ever! Caring, kind compassionate, and he makes me laugh.
2. I love my in-laws complete with quirky behavior! yep, all of them!
3. I love my new snowflake Christmas lights. They cheer my spirit.
4. I love my calling. There's nothing like children to lift the spirits, even if they try them at the same time.
5. I am thankful that I get to read so much.
6. I am thankful that Heavenly Father is very much aware of me and my needs.
7. I love my family! I love get togethers, chaos, and the peace of knowing you belong.
8. I love that my parents stay at my house sometimes, even if we aren't there. I'm getting to know a different side of both of them.
9. I love that God gives us so many chances to try again, to learn, to grow, to little by little become like him.

An incomplete list. Feel free to start your own. By small and simple things are great things brought to pass... and great happiness achieved.

(By the way. We are approved for adoption! Someone thinks we are fit to be parents! Now we just get to wait to be chosen. If any of you know of someone whom we could help out of a tough situation, please pass our info on to them.)

In passing...

Another week has gone by. Highlights:

1. I've been systematically killing people at work... and they like it. For Halloween (my favorite holiday) I have been making headstones to put in the windows at work. Headstones don't mean much if they aren't for the people you work with, know, and love. And of course there are those that you just want to harass a little bit. The joke now is don't mess with catering or you'll end up with a headstone. I love it.

2. Diwali, the festival of lights. David, myself, Tawnya, and Isaac attending the Indian Festival of Lights last evening put on by the Indian Student Association. Thank you Tawyna and Isaac for putting up with it. The food was good, but the entertainment portion was long... we even left early and it was still long. But hey, didn't have to cook!

3. Jarom and Alex came to stay with us on Tuesday night. They were here in the "big city" to sell potatoes. We ended up staying up till 1 am. Everyone had a lack of sleep headache the next day, but it was totally worth it. So dang fun! And I bought custard cups and made individual molten lava cakes for dessert! Am I the coolest sister or what!

4. Mom and Dad also spent time with us, Friday night to be exact. After the shock of learning we had cancelled our cable ( I swear Dad lives for the news sometimes) they took us out to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Yummy and very filling.

All in all it's been a good week. Even today went well. We split our bulging nursery of 28 kids into two rooms and not once did I hear screams of displeasure emitting from either nursery! It was great. The nursery leaders didn't even look frazzled by the end of the day. Finally a winning decision! Woo-hoo! Perhaps the beginning of a winning streak? Let's keep our fingers crossed.

General Conference Chaos

New message on the home phone:
"Hi Lora, this is Abby. You really need to call me or Jarom before you come home! Just go to Jarom's house because there is no power at Mom and Dad's because of the fire. K, bye."

Isn't that a wonderful message to send you into a panic! Fortunately, we found out about the house fire before we heard the message. My parents had a bit of a house fire early this morning. Dad got up to get a drink and noticed that the front porch light finally started working... and flickering... odd. He went outside to get a better look and that's when he noticed the flames!

Apparently, the wind was so bad during the night that it was blowing some wires together against the house. The constant touching of the wires closed the circuit and the electricity kept trying to ground itself, therefore heating up the wires, melting them together, heating up the siding on the house and eventually starting the insulation on fire. Nice huh. Fortunately everyone was okay, dinner just got moved down the road to my brother's house. Always fun. And of course, thank heavens for insurance and a neighbor who also happens to be an electrician.

Then of course there is the general chaos of having a house full of adults and kids trying to cook dinner and watch General Conference at the same time. At least it kept us all awake!

Extra special treat:
I made a new cookie recipe yesterday. I meant to only do one batch, but upon completion of first batch I realized I had accidentally doubled the salt. So, another batch got made, sans salt, and mixed with the first. Result: I brought a salad and cookies to dinner. They were quite good though and people asked for the recipe. Here it is.

White Chocolate Cranberry Cookies (courtesy of Ocean Spray)
2/3 cup softened butter or margarine
2/3 cup brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 1/2 cups oats
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
6 oz craisins (1 package)
2/3 cup white chocolate chips or chunks

cream together butter and sugar till light and fluffy.
add eggs and beat till smooth
add oats, flour, baking soda and salt, mix well
add craisins and white chocolate chips
bake at 375 for 10-12 minutes
makes 2 1/2 dozen.

Enjoy!

Just cause

Velvet, Abby, Mom, Samantha, Melissa, Me and Nessa in front.

So... This was taken at our Robbin's Family Reunion. We did a skit for the Friday evening hot dog roast. Please note that we all 'stuffed' in various places. I really don't look like that. I thought it was too fun not to post.

Why do all the bad words start with "p"

Don't you just love it when people start out an entry with an inside joke. I wasn't even there for this one but this last weekend has made me feel like I was.

Pioneer Day was celebrated Beatty style this year. David and I joined his Aunt Pam and Uncle Ron in Mona, UT to commemorate the event. Really there wasn't too much said about the pioneers, but we certainly had a great time. Due to unforeseen replacement items (like 1 camera being dumped into 1 bucket of paint water) we found ourselves with a bit of a shortage of funds. So instead of staying the night at a hotel, we opted to join the rest of the crew in finding floor space to spend the night on. I was actually looking forward to it. We don't spend too much time around our extended family and I thought this would be a good opportunity to get some 'quality' time in. You know, really get to know each other. I wasn't disappointed.

I've long suspected that I would really like his cousins (the Beatty family crew) if I had a bit more time to spend around them. Well my suspicions were confirmed. What a group! We ended up staying awake till 1 in the morning talking out on the back porch about anything and everything. Even then we would have continued on but a rather large and ugly beetle made an appearance and broke up the party. So much fun though! It was completely worth the hot night in the loft.

David's parents were there too and his brothers and sisters all ended up joining us at some point in time. On Friday we went 4-wheeling. Always an exciting experience to be riding on the back when the driver's not quite sure what he's doing yet. (I love you David) He really only almost seriously lost me only once. Silly me, I was putting my hat back on and assumed he'd wait till I was ready to go before he "punched the gas". I'm only a little sore on the tailbone, but I did stay on.

Saturday brought the Mona Pioneer Day Parade which lasted all of 1/2 hour. My kind of parade. Didn't even have to worry about sunscreen. Afterwards we lounged in the park while the kids played on every blow-up toy made by man, then went back to the house for food and conversation. It really was just a good time. So glad we went.

Also, thanks to all you cousins, in-laws, out-laws, etc. for the support, advice, and experiences shared with adoption. It does my heart good to know that you all are rooting for us and you know what we are going through. It was good to hear your experiences good and bad through out the process. I feel like I could walk through fire as long as you are all around. And for those still waiting just like us (Debbie and Lance) we're praying for you too. Perhaps we'll adopt together and our kids will at least have someone the same age to play with.

Love you all!

Casualties of War

Okay, so it wasn't really a war, just our Robbins family reunion but there were casualties still the same. I will give them to you in order of the fall.

1. One of our camp chairs gave up the ghost at the Friday night hot dog roast. Apparently it just couldn't handle the heat.

2. My blue shirt that I really really love, well.... one of the activities was t-shirt painting. I had no intention of painting a shirt but apparently I didn't need to. My cute niece Nessa showed me hers that she was ever so proud of and in the process globbed silver paint on my sleeve.

3. My nephew, Wes, is just over 1 and walking around like a champ. He is in a grabby stage and was in the general t-shirt painting area. His favorite past time was finding things and dropping them into the bucket of water used to rinse out the sponges for said painting. Well, my sister heard a kerplunk, thought it sounded a bit bigger than a sponge and took a look. What did she fish out of the dirty paint water you ask? My camera! Now you know why I have no pictures of the deceased.

All in all it was a fun time though. It is an excuse to upgrade our camera though we hadn't planned on doing it quite so soon... Not so sure where we're going to get the money to do that, but...

Positive highlight: So, I assigned my little brother to covertly start a water fight for the reunion (it's nice to be in charge). I ended up with a few cups poured over my clothes, splashed in my face, etc. Well, David was feeling pretty good about himself because he had successfully avoided the water fight. I thought about remedying the situation, but decided against it as I didn't think he had a change of clothes and we were leaving soon. Well the little braggart told me he did but he just didn't want to get wet. Famous last words. I made an excuse to get all the electronics off of him and told Alex to "get the job done". One large bucket later and David was just as wet as me! Ain't that love!

If you Could Hie to Kolob

Well, that's exactly what we did! Last weekend (being June 5-6, yes I'm a bit late) we went to Kolob Mountain where David's Grandma has a cabin. Grandma Sullivan is no longer living, but she has graciously left the cabin to her kids to share. We decided it was time to go and experience it all.

David and I were the only ones to stay Friday night and we certainly had an adventure of it. But why listen to me? Let me have the pictures do the talking.

Adventures in smores. Many a contraption tried, but nothing works like patience.

I was the winner of the perfect smore contest.

We then went inside for lessons on lamp lighting and learning to play Pinocle. Any takers to play with us? We need to practice so we can make a comeback. We got schooled.

The next morning started with a hike around the lake.

Around noonish, the rest of the family started showing up. The days events consisted of:

Feeding chipmunks,

Feats of strength, (I love the little hop!)

Chatting with each other,

Throwing rocks at bugs,

And playing in the playhouse.

We even got to eat... a little later than expected, but hey, we're camping right!

All in all we had a good time and hope to be able to do it again.

To infinity and beyond!

I don't know how many of you have had the privilege of being trapped in a genuine Sullivan family debate/argument/all-I'm-saying-is conversation, but boy oh boy have you missed out!

I recently had the privilege of being trapped in the car from Enterprise Utah to Hurricane Utah while one was taking place. It's about an hour drive and there's not much in the way of scenery to take the mind off of the conversation. My only escape was falling asleep. They are sometimes about the most pointless things ever too.

K, so not silly to them, but... So, Saturday was the day. We had just had the graveside service to lay Grandma Clove to rest. It was a beautiful sunny day, family was gathered, and for a funeral it was really quite an enjoyable day (all things considered). Then it happened. Ivan, the aspiring writer, has come up with an idea about a television series that he thinks would be good. It's largely based in science-fiction with some real world application. David, being the ever-practical man that he is, is gifted at finding even the slightest flaw in a theory and must make his point known. Ivan will defend his theory to the death. Normally not a bad thing... if the whole thing weren't based in technology that doesn't exist. The whole "science fiction" thing kind of makes it that way doesn't it? But don't worry, neither is to be deterred. Examples from Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica were even brought into play.

The next 45 minutes and beyond was filled with reasons why infinity exists or doesn't exist, traveling faster than light, massive amounts of energy being contained inside the human body with strategic reinforcements.... If I can borrow a phrase from Tawnya, seriously! I have a gift of being able to tune things out for a fairly large period of time and I actually made it with no serious feelings of hatred/die die die towards anyone in the car. We went out to eat and I thought that would be the end of it. Boy did I underestimate the stamina of Sullivan men to carry on a useless conversation with such passion. We got back into the car and it was as if there were no break. All I could think of was Toy Story: "To infinity and beyond!!" Too bad that was about the conversation and not flying into space. I would prefer the later.

My teenage son

Okay, so I really don't have a teenage son but sometimes I feel like I do.

My little brother Alex came to stay last weekend with us. I have been trying to get him to come and stay for awhile now. He graduated from High School last May and is trying to figure out what to do with life. That's why I wanted him to come and stay with me. Well, among other things.

It recently came to my attention that my little brother really was little when I was going through my stupidhood. When I graduated from High School he was 5 years old and thus blissfully unaware of my rebellious stage at the high and mighty age of 15-16ish. In fact, he was so blissfully unaware that when the local talent at the E-Z Way informed him otherwise, he was in shock and disbelief. I knew it was time to have some good one on one time and discuss life.

It was really quite fun. He came on Friday and stayed till Sunday afternoon. Since I was 14 when he was born, I spent a lot of time watching him grow up, hence the teenage son feeling. In fact when he was just a baby, mom would put me on Alex duty. I loved putting him down for a nap. I would lay his little head on my shoulder and lay down on the couch with him and we'd both take a nap. It was a hard job I tell ya. I have pictures of him learning how to walk and the whole schpeal (sp??).

So now that he is learning to walk in a more life altering way, it's hard to sit by and just watch. I see him going through so much. Struggling to know what to do, to know who you are. Mission, school, work... so many possibilities. I just love him so dang much and want him to make the right decisions. Makes sitting and doing nothing really difficult. But like the rest of us stubborn Hubbard/Robbins women, you put your nose in my business and I'll show you how fast I can go the other way.

So, my job is to be supportive and slip those words of encouragement in when the opportunity presents itself. Just do the right thing will ya! I'm going nuts here!

Oh Aunt Cleone, can I be like you...

On January 2, 2009 Cleone Hubbard Petersen Dalley passed away. She was my great aunt. I didn't really know her until this last couple of years or so but I always knew that I loved her. She was one of those people who drew you in with the sparkle in her eye and the spring in her step. There was nothing quite like being around her. She just made ya feel good. It couldn't be helped.

I first started seeing her on a "regular" basis at the Richmond Black and White Days Parade. Turns out she was friends of the parents of one of my friends. We shared the same front yard to see the parade on. I of course knew who she was because she has that unmistakable Hubbard look about her and I had seen her at many a reunion though I hadn't really talked to her. She's feisty too, did I mention that? I had to go and say hello and she knew who I was immediately. Well I was hooked.

Shortly after David and I got married her husband Don passed away. He was her second husband and the love of her life. They got married in their 50's and all reports say they acted like teenagers in love. David and I started seeing her on and off and he got hooked too. She had such a love for life and a spitfire optimistic spirit. She raised 6 kids on her own after her first husband got back from the war. He turned into an alcoholic and though she still loved him, she had to take care of herself and the kids. She put herself through school and worked the whole time. She still loved her ex-husband till the day he died. She had kindness in her heart despite everything life had thrown at her. Kindness and spunk. I wish I could tell all the stories about her.

I love one of the stories told about her at the funeral. I think it describes her perfectly. Just this last November, her daughter Karen was taking Cleone to a family dinner. As they were driving Karen said, "Hey Mom, what do you say we pull and Thelma and Louise and just keep going." Cleone said that would be alright. They'd put their hands in the air and drive over a cliff. Well Karen got a big kick out of it and when they got with the family she told them the story. One of them asked Cleone who she wanted to be, Thelma or Louise? Cleone got an impish grin on her face and said "whichever one of them slept with Brad Pitt."

I wish I had a better picture of her. She was absolutely beautiful with her white hair.

A Face in the Mirror

Yesterday as I was getting my hair done, I looked in the mirror and saw a face I hadn't seen in a long long time. It kept on disappearing and coming back with a smile. It was faint at first, and then stronger, almost haunting, but delicious all the same. I saw my Grandmother looking back at me through the mirror.

I've always known that I looked like my mother, but never had I made the connection with my Grandma until I saw her smile, her cheekbones looking back at me. Naomi Ruth Revoir Robbins passed away on February 16, 2005 and I've missed her ever since. Especially at Christmas time. She always made homemade chocolates. Since my birthday is in December she would make me a special box of Cherry Chocolates all my own. She gave them to me in an old checkbook box. Twelve. I had twelve days of cherry chocolate bliss as I slowly ate each one. She also gave me a card with $5.00 in it and birthday wishes. Sometimes I would even get shampoo and towels, she always was the one for practical gifts.

Christmas time is for families and as ours grows bigger in some ways and smaller in others, I can't help but think of the "old times" we spent as kids. Christmas night was spent at Grandma's house with aunts and uncles and cousins. It's where we learned to play cards (I can't even remember learning how to shuffle, it just always seemed part of me) and eavesdropped on the grown-up conversations. They always had the most interesting ones. (My aunt worked at the school so she always knew what was happening with administration and the small town political scandals.) Grandma always met us at the door with a big hug and a lipstick kiss on the forehead or cheek. As Christmas approaches and I grow one year older, what I wouldn't give for one of those birthday cards with $5.00 and special Grandma birthday wishes.