Tuesday, August 30, 2011

As the World Turns

I used to think that the scientists had it right.  The Earth was spinning on an axis of sorts keeping the delicate balance up that keeps most of us from burning or freezing.  Natural disasters, global warming and all that jazz aside of course.

This past month has taught me something entirely different.  My world revolves around my couch!  The couch is what is keeping the delicate balance of my life.  It's proximity to the bathroom, the tv remote, and various items of food.  Okay, well not so various.  August has brought to my delicate palate Chicken Pot Pies, Chicken Ramen Noodles, Pringles Salt and Vinegar chips, and three kinds of cereal.  Sometimes the pot pie is for lunch and the ramen for dinner, sometimes I get wild and crazy and switch it up.  I know, hold me back!  But that's not what this is about.

So what is this about?  Well I'll tell ya.  As I've been wallowing in despair, depression, morning/all-day sickness, and finding a will to live, I've learned a few things. 

1.  Good friends are absolutely invaluable.  Especially when you've dropped off the face of the communication earth and they still love and support you.

2.  It's okay if you have to take something to get through the day.  I've struggled with depression before but have always been able to keep it at bay with regular exercise and a good daily routine.  Pregnancy changed that.  And that's okay.  Modern medicine is a good thing.  So are therapists.  So are conference talks online and inspirational music.  Things are really looking up.

3.  I am most definitely not the only one who struggles right now.  My struggle is dealing with something that will ultimately fulfill everything that I have really wanted.  To be a mom. I have a reward at the end.  So many others are struggling right now with no end in sight.  Family, friends, perfect strangers.  In my self-wallowing pity party (which was completely justified, acceptable, and often beyond my control to stop by the way) I haven't seen much past me.  Now, as the dark cloud over my head has been lifting, I am seeing so much more.  So many who need a helping hand and support and love.  To know that they are OK and wonderful, marvelous, incredible people.  To have someone tell them that it's going to be OK.  That even though they can't see a way out right now, it's still there.  The clouds will lift.  There will be happiness again.

My husband did that for me.  My friends did that for me.  My family did that for me.  Angels come in so many forms.  So to you all, and you know who you are, Thank You.  A long overdue thank you.

And now to go forward.  I've had a few really good days.  I won't be so naive as to think that the bad ones are over forever.  But there is light at the end of the tunnel.  There is hope.  There is joy.