Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Our's was good...

It's time for some pictures.  And for the record, I think I'm funny.

 Hope your's was just as good!

Monday, December 27, 2010

I'm sitting here...

I'm sitting here in a robe and pajamas.

It's Monday.  What a wonderful day to be sitting here in my robe and pajamas.

David and I got back from Hurricane last night after spending Christmas with the Sullivan clan.  (Can I call it a clan?  I mean it wasn't even the completely family - Sophie and Andrew were in Texas - but "family" seems so formal, "clan" seems more manly?? It just fits better knowing the crew.)  Anyway, it was warm there.  It is cold here. But there was still nothing as glorious as walking in to my home after a few nights away.

I've been thinking a lot about this past year.  It always happens when a new year approaches.  I almost can't help but start taking stock of what has happened during the last 12 months of my life.  Not surprisingly, it didn't take long before I felt so abundantly blessed. 

"Abundance" is my friend Tawnya's word of the year for 2010 and it just fits so perfectly.  I hope Tawnya that you don't feel like I'm stealing anything, but I really just can't get over how much David and I have been blessed.  We have a home that we love, friends that just warm our hearts and make everything better, financial blessings even despite the set-backs, a wonderful ward and neighborhood.  We are appreciated at our jobs, we have wonderful family that I can't imagine being without (yes, that includes both sides!), and our relationship with each other is stronger than ever before. 

There are so many details that I could go into but I don't have the kind of time and you aren't really interested in reading a book right now.  But my heart is overflowing with gratitude for everything with we have been blessed with, even the trials.  Life certainly doesn't turn out the way we all plan and David and I both didn't think we would be childless for so long.  But looking back at this journey, there are silver linings every step of the way. Most especially in the people that we know and have been blessed to be able to associate with.  The Lord truly does have a plan for us and he blesses us every way he can.

Thank you all for being such wonderful people.  For blessing our lives so much by just being yourselves.  You are our best Christmas gifts. 

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I've Been Enabled!

Last Sunday we played games at Tawnya and Isaac's house.  It's always so fun.  It's always filled with good company, good food, and a plethora of sarcasm.  I can't be a hundred percent sure, but I'm pretty darn sure that a good chunk of that sarcasm actually came out of my mouth and was directed towards my husband.  (Dun dun dun dun...)  And because I felt so free, it did allow others to jump on the proverbial band wagon and lend a helping hand.

Now before the "sarcasm is evil and can lead to no good" alerts go off and I'm condemned by everyone as a mean wife, it's high time we got a few things straight.

First.  I absolutely adore my husband!  Adore!  I practically worship the ground he walks on!  And there are several reason for this which we won't get into here because I simply don't have the time to list them all because it would be a long list which may or may not involve the fact that he cleans the bathrooms and he laughs at my jokes.

Second.  Not all sarcasm is bad.  In fact, perhaps my sarcasm isn't really sarcasm by Webster's definition.  It's more like playfully teasing.  And in this particular game night case it would have practically been a crime not to say something.  A crime.  Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Chandler makes a New Year's resolution to not be sarcastic and he almost explodes?  Yeah, that might be me.

Anyway, there is a point.  David informed me this morning that a member of the game night party felt the need to clear the air and make sure that the teasing that was done didn't make him feel bad which led us to discuss the situation.

L: did you feel bad
D: No.
L: Good, I didn't think so

There, that clears it up right!  Okay, there was more.  As we explored the ins and outs of our relationship we came to find that we pretty much both enable the teasing.  In fact, we feed off of each other to the point of ridiculousness. And like grade schoolers, we tease the one's we love right.  It was also decided that if this was the only means of communication between us, then there would be a problem.  A pretty big one in fact.  As it stands we talk to each other a lot.  We express our love to each other a lot.  I mean a. lot.  I don't think that we could survive the blessings and trials without holding on to each other for dear life.

Now, because we can't be too gushy and mushy and all around sickeningly sweet (mostly because my constitution can't handle it, even typing that sentence made me shudder a little... or a lot) we have different ways of expressing our love and it works for us.  In fact it works quite well.  We laugh with each other, sometimes at each other, but mostly with each other.

So, we enable each other to act as crazy and silly and sarcastic as we do.  And although it may look dangerous from the outside, don't worry, we're on top of it.  We still hold hands at church, we still snuggle up together at night.  And David, even though that Queen of Diamonds you just threw away would have won us the game... I still love you.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

What a day!

It's time's like this, tragic times filled with sorrow and confusion, ie. death of a loved one, health issues, or birthdays, that really help you know that you really do have the bestest friends in the entire world! 

I'm usually quite excited about my birthday.  In fact, I get a kick out of calling various members of my family and asking them if they have something to say to me.  Every year I am met by an awkward pause, and stumbling voice of the person wracking their brain while trying to figure out what on earth they have to tell me.  The longer it goes the more I get a kick out of it.  In fact, I delight  in it.  It's almost better than having them actually remember my birthday before I remind them.

This year was not one of those years.  In fact, this is the first time that I have actually dreaded a birthday.  I woke up feeling none to celebratory.  35.  35. 35.  That's all that went through my head.  Oh and "how did I let things get out of hand like this!  grrr!"  You know, like I actually had a say in it.  So yea, the day didn't start out that great.

But then again... I am just amazed at the wonderful people in my life that are not my family so are therefore exempt from the "hey you, tell me I'm great" phone call and just flat out surprise me!  I just feel so dang lucky to have such wonderful women in my life and just so blessed because of the silver linings the Lord continually gives me.  And did I mention my husband.  He's really just the best.

I ended up going home for my actual birthday and spending time my parents.  (Let's take a minute to give them a shout out because they actually got the internet! That's right folks, they are moving out of the dark ages and coming to grips with such wonders as: online shopping, the wonders of YouTube, movie trailers at your fingers tips, and of course, this blog!  To quote an oft used phrase for such an occasion, 'Hell has truly frozen over'.)  But moving on.  Spent the afternoon with the parents and came home better for it.  In fact, I was actually ready to not only face the rest of the day, but the week as well.  Truly magical!

So back to Logan I go and what to my wondering eyes should appear but David up to his elbows in chocolate so dear.  A cake!  A birthday cake!  Chocolate with more chocolate.  And it was made from scratch!  Not even out of a box.  Yep, that's love.

 But wait, there's more.  I received thoughtful gifts from friends and my little heart almost burst.  And then, just when I thought it was all done, I went out today, a full day after my birthday and came home to a fun little package on my doorstep.

And before I had the sense to take a picture,  I dove right in.  And I can for sure tell you... mmmmmmm.  The card says: What happens at the dessert cart, stays at the dessert cart.  Oddly enough, I was reminded of last book club... hmm, wonder why...

So, to sum up.  I have the best group of friends in the entire world.  Seriously.  And not only does that make an unwanted birthday more bearable, but I truly hope that the same people are around next year.  Thank you all!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Tough Choices

Saturday was filled with choices.  Unexpected choices.  And one really tough one.

You see, I am one of those people who are riddled with guilt when choosing between duty and self.  Whether it's duty to an employer, duty to church, duty to friends, duty to strangers on the street.  Whenever I choose something for myself, even though it is clearly the best thing, I am riddled with guilt about who I might be letting down.

It's the worst at work.  I have on occasion run myself into the ground before realizing "Hey!  You might want to start taking care of our own well-being sister!"  And then I back off, take a little time for myself, and get my life back in order.  Unfortunately these things are also accompanied by guilt guilt and more guilt for at least half of the day off being taken.  Long vacations are the worst.  If we are gone for 5 days I finally start to really relax on day 3.5.  It's really obnoxious, just ask my husband.

Which brings us to Saturday.  It was our ward Christmas party.  We had missed the last two weeks of church and had missed the announcement and I had made tentative but un-voiced plans for David and I.  I wanted to go to A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Morgan Theatre on campus.  My friend's son was in it and all reports were good and it was the last night it was showing.  I wanted a date night.  (It's amazing how even though it's just us, we rarely make time for dates... pathetic huh.)  Anyway, my automatic response at finding out about the Christmas party was "well, guess we won't be going to the play after all."  But I was a little, okay a lot, frustrated with that choice.  Like my plans didn't count because I had this duty.   

In fact I was so frustrated that I was completely ornery for a good portion of the day.  Finally I talked to David about it.  We went to dinner and the play, and had a wonderful time.  We laughed so much at parts of the play that my stomach hurt and I was crying.  Hilarious!  So good for the soul.  But I did have to ask David at least three times whether this was really okay. In fact 3 times during dinner alone my guilt was brought into play.  Do you know what he finally said?  "You need to be here with me more than they need you at the ward Christmas party."  And you know what, he was right!

That's why my husband is awesome.  So good and putting things in perspective.  Sad I missed the party, but oh so glad for date night with David and a night on the town. So glad to make decisions instead of letting everyone and everything else make them for me.

The moral of the story you ask?

Stand up and take control!  Act rather than be acted upon!  Don't let guilt rule your life! 

Or at least keep it to a minimum cause let's face it, old habits die hard.

May this coming weekend be guilt free for you all!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Friday Random (Truly Random)

*  White women don't wrap.  (Okay, I'm just really bad at wrapping gifts)

*  I drove by a crosswalk and noticed a large truck coming my way with an orange cone stuck in the bumper and two crossing guards looking on in awe wondering if perhaps they should chase it down.

* Mother-love-n-patience!  Either a new swear word or a really good cake.

*  I was driving home from work the other day when the hokeyist rendition of Jingle Bells came on.  The two men in the truck in front of me started bobbing up and down in time with the song.  I wonder if he is using the same station we are using?

a conversation:
L:  Do you think it would bee too much if I had a picture of a waterfall in the bathroom that said 'Relax, everything will come out just fine'?

D: You are terrible!

L: I know, but do you think it would be too much?

*  I was driving home from work the other day and it was taking forever. I didn't mind though because the very large vehicle in front of me had a drop down screen for the kids.  I watched Happy Feet almost all the way to my house! For once I didn't mind if I hit the red light.

Anything happen weird happen to you this week?

Thursday, December 9, 2010


I LOVE this picture.  It is of a tree by my house and since I was late for work anyway I figured I might as well be really late and get a good shot!

I like it in black and white too.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Christmas Memories

Monday night was the last night of my photography class.  The "final" was to bring 5 of your favorite photos and let the class critique them.  I showed up a little before 7 and the previous class was still there.  There were 5 photos up on the big screen and they spoke to my country girl heart.

I forget sometimes that I grew up a country girl.  I've been away for so long in the "big city" (yes, laugh if you will but coming from Grace, ID this is the big city) that I sometimes forget my roots.  The building blocks that are so very much a part of me.

The first picture was a close up of a white faced heifer with a snowy background.  It was cropped close so the entire face didn't show, the beautiful brown eyes made striking.  But oh the memories it brought.  The feelings.

I have a favorite Christmas tradition.  Growing up on a farm there were always chores to be done regardless of the holiday.  One was to feed the cows.  On Christmas morning we not only had to wait for the parents to get up (an eternity in and of itself) but we had to wait for Dad to get done with the chores before we could throw back the makeshift curtain that hid the living room from our view and gaze with wonder upon the gifts Santa brought. When we got a little older, it was suggested that we go along with Dad to feed the cows on the hill.  So we all bundled up in our mis-matched winter gear (did anyone ever have matching gloves?) and headed out into the cold Christmas morn. 

Depending on the amount of snow, we either rode on the back of the snowcat (ideal for deep snow) or the feed wagon behind the big green John Deere tractor.  Dad would put it in gear and we'd head up on the hill where the cows were waiting with eagerness.  First the hay went down.  As the cows munched away contentedly a bale of straw was pitched bit by bit for the cows to bed down in. 

It was magic.  I can still smell the crispness of the air, the sweetness of the hay as it was tossed down to the waiting cattle.  Sometimes we were blessed with blue skies and the warm sunshine.  Other times it was frigidly cold and grey.  Still other times were filled with snow globe weather; big fluffy flakes that floated down like magic.  Always it was filled with satisfaction.

When I was younger it was fun to ride on top of the hay bales and get in snowball fights with brothers and sisters.  Watch the dogs plow through the snow and try to do the same only to break through the hard surface and sometimes fill your boots with snow.  The older I got the more I appreciated that moment on top of the hill.  I loved to look across the valley, at our home, and be filled with gratitude for the beauty of the day.  The beauty of the season.  The gift it was to grow up in such a remote and perfect location. 

This year I will miss the sounds of children giggling ring through the air, no longer brothers and sisters but nieces and nephews, combined with the quiet munching of the cows and the sounds of my own breath as I take it all in.  That is the sound of Christmas morning for me.

I hope to be able to share one of those moments with my own children someday.  For now I will be content to remember it and to share a little bit of what Christmas means to me.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra

Tis the season people, tis the season.

This one has caught me more off guard than most.  In fact it took almost an entire week after Thanksgiving to get our tree up.  Half of my usual holiday adornment is still in it's boxes where it was so tenderly packed up last January.

I seriously don't know what's gotten in to me, I'm just not that excited.  Perhaps it has something to do with:

1.  The Christmas Open House we did for work in October?
2.  The Christmas music we've been working on in ward choir since September?
3.  The fact that I really do still have a box or two that still needs a home since we moved?
4.  The Holiday Office Party flier that has haunted me since October and then never came into reality?

Could it be that everything started so early that I have experienced the usual Christmas excitement in slow degrees since September and there's no where left to peak?

Even Nat King Cole, that trusted holiday soul has left me less that glowing by the fire of his magic voice.  I just don't know what to do!?!


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

"And remember, this is for posterity so please be honest"

I thought it fitting to start out with a movie quote.  Fitting that it should be from the torture chamber scene.  Fitting that some mention of torture should be involved.

Okay, it's a bit extreme, let me 'splain.  No there is too much.  Let me sum up.

On November 9th David and I headed down to Salt Lake for our first round of IUI.  It was simpler than I thought, and not quite as invasive as I thought.  Still not the most comfortable thing in the world, but we have a wonderful doctor with more than wonderful staff.  I've said this before, but it is so good to have a doctor's office where you are the priority.  As we left everyone wished us luck.  And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.  Nurses from two stations over chimed in with "let us know how it turns out!"  We were well-wished all the way out the door.

Next step was to wait for that monthly visitor to make other arrangements and skip town for awhile.  It looked promising.  Very promising.  In fact, I was 4 days late!  4 days people!  It  needs to be known that I have never been 4 days late.  The most I have every gotten was 1 day late.  So 4 was confusing, hopeful, trying, and wonderful at the same time.  I took many a pregnancy test with obviously negative results, but no signs of that monthly visitor, not even a hint! 

Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?
I just want you to feel you are doing well.

After the second skipped day, we actually allowed ourselves to enjoy it.  The thoughts of a little one being able to join our family were just too exciting.  (Not to mention finally being able to try on that stay-at-home mom hat.) We told ourselves not to get too excited, after all there was no definite "yes" yet.  But it was the closest we have ever been.  We talked about how wouldn't it be crazy if all we needed was 1 round of IUI this whole time.  Years I tell you, years we've been trying!  1 Round!  Just crazy.  We've been fairly certain this whole time that we are headed for IVF and that the rounds of IUI were just pieces on the path. So much hope.

Do you hear that Fezzik?  That is the sound of ultimate suffering.

2 days later it came crashing down.  Right before Thanksgiving in fact.  I had that Wednesday off and instead of using it for good (cleaning the house, packing, baking, general getting readiness so we could join the family that evening) I spent it in the basement in front of the TV watching episode after episode of 'Psych'.  Shockingly appropriate huh!  I was having a well deserved pity party and the world was better for it.  Had I allowed myself to mingle with family I might have done something awkward like break down in tears for no apparent reason.  Or perhaps even bitten someone's head off.  That's always a bit awkward even if there is a good reason.

When the job went wrong he went back to the beginning. Well, this is where we got the job, so it's the beginning.

There's still hope though, or at least steps to take.  I just finished another round of Femara and am waiting for that magic stick peeing moment to get another doctor appointment for the second round of IUI.  There is comfort in a plan. Steps to be taken, not too much time to sit around and feel sorry for one's self.

Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

And in the meantime, while waiting for that little miracle to take place in our lives, at least there's one more guaranteed trip to IKEA before all this is through.  I feel another piece of our bedroom set will be joining us soon.

**10 points to the first namer of the movie. Hey, you never know when you are gonna need an extra 10 points! Thanks for reading.**