Wednesday, December 1, 2010

"And remember, this is for posterity so please be honest"

I thought it fitting to start out with a movie quote.  Fitting that it should be from the torture chamber scene.  Fitting that some mention of torture should be involved.

Okay, it's a bit extreme, let me 'splain.  No there is too much.  Let me sum up.

On November 9th David and I headed down to Salt Lake for our first round of IUI.  It was simpler than I thought, and not quite as invasive as I thought.  Still not the most comfortable thing in the world, but we have a wonderful doctor with more than wonderful staff.  I've said this before, but it is so good to have a doctor's office where you are the priority.  As we left everyone wished us luck.  And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.  Nurses from two stations over chimed in with "let us know how it turns out!"  We were well-wished all the way out the door.

Next step was to wait for that monthly visitor to make other arrangements and skip town for awhile.  It looked promising.  Very promising.  In fact, I was 4 days late!  4 days people!  It  needs to be known that I have never been 4 days late.  The most I have every gotten was 1 day late.  So 4 was confusing, hopeful, trying, and wonderful at the same time.  I took many a pregnancy test with obviously negative results, but no signs of that monthly visitor, not even a hint! 

Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?
I just want you to feel you are doing well.

After the second skipped day, we actually allowed ourselves to enjoy it.  The thoughts of a little one being able to join our family were just too exciting.  (Not to mention finally being able to try on that stay-at-home mom hat.) We told ourselves not to get too excited, after all there was no definite "yes" yet.  But it was the closest we have ever been.  We talked about how wouldn't it be crazy if all we needed was 1 round of IUI this whole time.  Years I tell you, years we've been trying!  1 Round!  Just crazy.  We've been fairly certain this whole time that we are headed for IVF and that the rounds of IUI were just pieces on the path. So much hope.

Do you hear that Fezzik?  That is the sound of ultimate suffering.

2 days later it came crashing down.  Right before Thanksgiving in fact.  I had that Wednesday off and instead of using it for good (cleaning the house, packing, baking, general getting readiness so we could join the family that evening) I spent it in the basement in front of the TV watching episode after episode of 'Psych'.  Shockingly appropriate huh!  I was having a well deserved pity party and the world was better for it.  Had I allowed myself to mingle with family I might have done something awkward like break down in tears for no apparent reason.  Or perhaps even bitten someone's head off.  That's always a bit awkward even if there is a good reason.

When the job went wrong he went back to the beginning. Well, this is where we got the job, so it's the beginning.

There's still hope though, or at least steps to take.  I just finished another round of Femara and am waiting for that magic stick peeing moment to get another doctor appointment for the second round of IUI.  There is comfort in a plan. Steps to be taken, not too much time to sit around and feel sorry for one's self.

Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

And in the meantime, while waiting for that little miracle to take place in our lives, at least there's one more guaranteed trip to IKEA before all this is through.  I feel another piece of our bedroom set will be joining us soon.

**10 points to the first namer of the movie. Hey, you never know when you are gonna need an extra 10 points! Thanks for reading.**


  1. incontheivable! Isaac and I were quoting that movie and talking about it probably as you were writing this.

  2. "As you wish", Miss Lora, my heart is breaking right now for you, please know that I am praying for you guys! Miracles happen, they really do. I know you know that, I just don't want you to stop believing. Heavenly Father is watching over you and he has a plan for you. I pray that I can be a good friend... I'm wish I could be your Miracle Max... I wish all it took was a chocolate-covered pill...
    Just for the record, I loved this post. Princess Bride is well, one of THE best. When I was in college, my roommates and I were without a TV for quite some time. We would entertain each other by quoting The Princess Bride and Aladdin and hundred other shows... but it's the best.
    You and David are so wonderful. We are truly blessed to call you our neighbors and FRIENDS :)

  3. don't lose hope yet my dear! I know it is painful (well through others I know it is---having never expereinced IUI I guess I can't say I know anything!) anyway point being I have a good friend that did three rounds of IUI and the third round produced triplets----so there you have it, it may just be your wish come true! Or worst nightmare to have your entire family in one shot! I dunno! Know we are thinking and praying for you! :D Jess :D

  4. 1st - I'm so curious what during racket ball brought up The Princess Bride!

    2nd - I love you. You are one of the strongest women I know and I'm very blessed to count you as a friend. Pity party away. As long as you need. We are all here for you - whatever you need.

  5. @ David: yeah, that.

    and also, anybody want a peanut?

    sorry to detract, back to the original intent of the post.

  6. I too will be praying for you. I will be patiently waiting for the day I can throw you a baby shower. Love ya tons.
    Your little sis

  7. Love you. Days with Psych in the basement are totally called for. And a MUCH better antidote than randomly biting heads off. But if you do (as will sometimes happen in life) pray that others remember the wise words of Plato "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Hope life looks up soon.

  8. I truly 100% know what that feels like, the ups and downs, the hiding in the basement, all of it. There are no words I can say, other than right now you my friend are in my thoughts and prayers, and my heart is sad with yours, but sooooo hopeful for you too! xoxoxox love you lora

  9. Have I ever told you I have the best group of freinds/readers ever!! it's true! And Lacy, upon reading your note on the pie we both laughed pretty hard! SO glad your are our neighbor! Good times ahead my friend.

    Seriously though, thank you all for the humor and the good wishes and warm thoughts. You all help keep me going.

  10. Love the quotes and the movie. (And Psych! Did you see the Twin Peaks episode?) Also think you are incredibly awesome.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You'll get your miracle.