"And remember, this is for posterity so please be honest"

I thought it fitting to start out with a movie quote.  Fitting that it should be from the torture chamber scene.  Fitting that some mention of torture should be involved.

Okay, it's a bit extreme, let me 'splain.  No there is too much.  Let me sum up.

On November 9th David and I headed down to Salt Lake for our first round of IUI.  It was simpler than I thought, and not quite as invasive as I thought.  Still not the most comfortable thing in the world, but we have a wonderful doctor with more than wonderful staff.  I've said this before, but it is so good to have a doctor's office where you are the priority.  As we left everyone wished us luck.  And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.  Nurses from two stations over chimed in with "let us know how it turns out!"  We were well-wished all the way out the door.

Next step was to wait for that monthly visitor to make other arrangements and skip town for awhile.  It looked promising.  Very promising.  In fact, I was 4 days late!  4 days people!  It  needs to be known that I have never been 4 days late.  The most I have every gotten was 1 day late.  So 4 was confusing, hopeful, trying, and wonderful at the same time.  I took many a pregnancy test with obviously negative results, but no signs of that monthly visitor, not even a hint! 

Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?
I just want you to feel you are doing well.

After the second skipped day, we actually allowed ourselves to enjoy it.  The thoughts of a little one being able to join our family were just too exciting.  (Not to mention finally being able to try on that stay-at-home mom hat.) We told ourselves not to get too excited, after all there was no definite "yes" yet.  But it was the closest we have ever been.  We talked about how wouldn't it be crazy if all we needed was 1 round of IUI this whole time.  Years I tell you, years we've been trying!  1 Round!  Just crazy.  We've been fairly certain this whole time that we are headed for IVF and that the rounds of IUI were just pieces on the path. So much hope.

Do you hear that Fezzik?  That is the sound of ultimate suffering.

2 days later it came crashing down.  Right before Thanksgiving in fact.  I had that Wednesday off and instead of using it for good (cleaning the house, packing, baking, general getting readiness so we could join the family that evening) I spent it in the basement in front of the TV watching episode after episode of 'Psych'.  Shockingly appropriate huh!  I was having a well deserved pity party and the world was better for it.  Had I allowed myself to mingle with family I might have done something awkward like break down in tears for no apparent reason.  Or perhaps even bitten someone's head off.  That's always a bit awkward even if there is a good reason.

When the job went wrong he went back to the beginning. Well, this is where we got the job, so it's the beginning.

There's still hope though, or at least steps to take.  I just finished another round of Femara and am waiting for that magic stick peeing moment to get another doctor appointment for the second round of IUI.  There is comfort in a plan. Steps to be taken, not too much time to sit around and feel sorry for one's self.

Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

And in the meantime, while waiting for that little miracle to take place in our lives, at least there's one more guaranteed trip to IKEA before all this is through.  I feel another piece of our bedroom set will be joining us soon.

**10 points to the first namer of the movie. Hey, you never know when you are gonna need an extra 10 points! Thanks for reading.**