Monday, January 31, 2011

The Week in Review

I wish I had pictures, truly I do.  Of course most of them would be of one thing.  The one thing that I spend most of my time at.  And that picture would include scrubs of varying shades.

Monday:  Work. One day off the paper chain. One less person in the office.

Tuesday:  I saw the foot doctor on Tuesday afternoon.  I told the foot doctor the pain was still as true.  And then the foot doctor he told me what to do.  He said that... I needed an MRI.

Wednesday:  There were interviews.  Three to be precise.  Three with a fourth waiting in the wings.  So I went to the doctor.  I mean why not.  Nothing like a afternoon drive to SLC for the fertility specialist.  It was a long day.

Thursday:  One more interview. Check.  Crazy lady who used the name of Catering for evil in an email leaving me with jaw gaping open in horror.  Check.  One surprising facebook status that sent me into tears and had me shutting the door to the conference room and weeping before regaining my composure.  Check.  Taking both a pregnancy test and an ovulation test at the same time because you don't know why you can't get a grip.  Check.  Both tests negative.  Check. Three consecutive episodes of Grey's Anatomy (a guilty pleasure) and one bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream with caramel sauce for dinner.  Check.

Friday:  Something new! Nothing like an MRI first thing in the morning to get you going.  Nothing like claustrophobia to lend a helping hand while staring down a tube. I slept.  It was good.  I won't know results until Wednesday.  You know, because I need another doctor appointment.

Saturday:  Another doctor appointment.  Back to SLC for last round of IUI accompanied by a McGriddle breakfast.  Sometimes you have to find your own perks.  Home again home again jiggity jig, and then off to the Burns Supper which was really fun and tasty and great and I'm glad it's over.  Oh, and one dancing proposition by a somewhat tipsy Scot.  Fortunately I had a medical shoe to stave off his advances.  And a husband.  Phew.

Sunday:  Blessed relief.  Piano player called for the choir.  Check.  I no longer have to stress about learning to play things that are sometimes beyond my capabilities.  Check.  More ice cream. Check.

Hope your coming week is fan-freakin'-tastic!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Musical Thoughts

My first boyfriend, and my first kiss.   This was "our" song.  He wrote down the lyrics and sent them to me in note form.  You know, back in the dark ages before text messaging, cell phones, or the internet.  It was on paper and it was folded all neat like, a little rectangle with a flap that was tucked in for security purposes.  Note folding was an art, as well as note writing.  That's a story for another time though.

Firehouse.  Love of a Lifetime.

That song still gets to me, even after all of this time. Weird.  It must be something about that first love. That first someone that you kind of connect with.

He made me a mix tape. It had this song on it too.

I don't think it was meant to last.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Things That Make Me Happy

Pennylu was a woman I met in St. Louis, MO while serving a mission for my church. She was awesome. She had Christmas in her basement all year round and Pepperidge Farm cookies everytime we went to see her.

She burst with life. She was the only 50ish-year old I knew who could outlast the energy of a toddler. She had a player piano and maracas. She had padded "butt-pants" for roller-blading. She had a poster on her bathroom wall entitled "Things That Make Me Happy"

I don't remember anything on that poster, but it inspired my companion and I to make one of our own. Through the years I have had several lists of things that make me happy. I can look at them and feel my spirits lift. It is time I make one again. This time I will share it with you.

There's a new page on this here blog if any of you care to look. It's my list. Some will make complete sense and some will leave you wondering. Rest assured though, all of them lift my spirits.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Change: the Second

I went to the gym today after a really long hiatus.  I made it 20 minutes in the elliptical and was only slightly better off than my last venture 1 week ago in which I wanted to cry just a little because my muscles had forgotten so much in the last three months.  I persevered though.  It wasn't the only thing I did but it was certainly the most taxing.

As I was there, I ran into someone I hadn't seen for quite some time.  We exchanged short greetings, after all it was really early, I think it was before manners are fully awake, and then went about our business.  As I left I saw that she was waiting for a tanning booth and I immediately began to judge.  The dialogue in my head went something like this:

Huh. Tanning.  Seriously? She's got kids, she needs to set an example. I can't believe how dedicated she's become to her body lately. I wonder if her marriage is in trouble? I bet she's not happy.

Immediately after those thoughts I felt really ugly.  Not physically, but ugly on the inside.  Ugly for judging.  I hadn't been in contact with this person for almost 2 years.  How on earth would I know what her life is like anymore?  How would I know what her marriage is like.  And more importantly, what gives me the right to even go there?!? And triply more important was the ugly little fact that all of that was just to cover up my feelings of jealousy because her dedication actually paid off!  I'm pretty sure the envy monster reared it's ugly head and I said to it "you go! tear her down! how dare she succeed where I have failed!"

My goal for this year is moderation.  Moderation in all things from how I spend my time to what I put in my mouth and in my head.  Part of that is what I do with my body.  How I treat it.  What I decide to put into my body and how I decide to use it.  What is it that I can do to be healthy.  Not skinny, but healthy.  To stop hating my body for whatever perceived excess I see and embrace what it can do.  I mean, we're in it for the long haul, it's time I stop criticizing and embrace it for what it is.  A gift from God.

On the other hand, my goal to be happy with who and what I am has had an unanticipated side effect.  I call it the "Wow! I think I've stumbled on to something, why is everyone else wasting their time on this diet thing and how shallow is that! Puft!" effect, and then in my mind I walk off self-righteously because I have clearly progressed so far above them.  Slaves to their bodies that they are.  Puft!

And then I find myself sitting at the computer with my 4th handful of Pretzel M&Ms well on it's way to being consumed and I realize that boy howdy am I a mess!

So here I am, confessing my sins to the world and wondering how I am ever going to conquer the beast of myself.  The beast of the sweet tooth.  The beast that condemns others for not partaking with me. 

While serving a mission for my church I had a moment of pure peace.  The Lord had brought me to a point in my life where I had finally figured out that I had worth.  That it didn't matter what anyone else thought, I knew that I was square with the Lord and nothing else mattered.  I knew that God loved me, faults and all.  During that time of inner-peace with myself, I accepted those around me without condemnation.  I actually experienced unconditional love for them.  Those I knew, those I didn't.  It was wonderful.  It was a time of building instead of tearing down.  My body and soul were working together instead of fighting each other.  Knowing that the Lord loved me with all of my faults let me know that He loved, and still does love, everyone that way.  There was nothing left to condemn because we all needed His help.  So why not help each other along the way and build things up instead of tearing them down.

I want that back.  I know I can get it back, but it's going to take practice.  I need to change myself.  In the mission field I accepted my soul.  I finally could forgive myself for my high school stupidity.  I had carried it around for so long, never feeling as good as those around me.  But the Lord helped me let it go.  Now I need to do the same for my body.  Accept it, faults and all.  Love it, love-handles and all.  And accept those around me regardless of shape or size.  Children of God.

So my change the second is not quite as concrete as my change the first.  However, it is just as important, well actually it's more important.  I will change the way I think about my body and consequently the way I think about others'.  I will strive to remember the lessons I've learned.  I will banish body judgements.  I will invite the Lord back into my life.  Isn't that what it all boils down to?   Remembering him in all things? I keep forgetting that we don't exactly pick and choose "all".  All is all.

Tuesday Photo

Monday, January 24, 2011

Weekly Review

This week I learned:

1.  Eliptical machines do not hurt my foot!

2.  It's been a long time since I've been on an eliptical.

3.  It takes longer than I remember to get over being sore from getting on a eliptical.

4.  No matter how good they are, I just can't eat tamales for every meal.

5.  On Wednesday I had breakfast three times, but no lunch or dinner.

6.  I mostly had breakfast for lunch because there was ham... I didn't get ham for breakfast breakfast and I wanted it desperately.

7.  Breakfast dinner was just because I didn't want a tamale.  I had cooked cereal instead.  Cracked wheat.  It reminded me of my Grandma Robbins.

8.  I remembered that I really do enjoy Sunday school sometimes... not always, but sometimes it's great.

9.  I also remembered that I like Relief Society too.  Yea, same as above, not always but usually.

10.  It is impossible to just eat one Pretzel M&M.

11.  Not everyone likes Spades.

12. That makes me sad, the not everyone liking Spades.

13.  Not all roasts are created equal... even in a crock pot.

14. Butter really does make everything better.

Have a marvelous week!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Hey, over here!

I'm over here today: Exceeding Expectations

I think you should come with me.  Not just over there, but to the Burns Supper.  It's fun.  It's reasonably priced, and we could carpool.  Or not.  Up to you.  But it will still be fun.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Musical Thoughts... again!

I know, what is this rare phenomenon that is happening! I can't really be sure myself, I just feel the need to share in the awesomeness of the music that once was "the" music.  Some mock it now, but it still speaks to my soul.

Oh how I love big hair! or did? or don't?

And how bout something a little more mellow.

Seriously, can you live without having known the Scorpions?

And last but not least, the song I worshipped from 8th grade on even though it really didn't fall into my time frame. Chicago really is just awesome though... especially for hormonal teenage girls who cling onto anything remotely sappy but will rather die than admit it.

Sad! Embedding disable, but you should check it out anyway, here's the link.

Ah, love.  And for the record, Peter Cetera was never good looking.  Hope that doesn't offend anyone.  Great voice though.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Tuesday Photo

I am determined to find things to enjoy about January.  Even the coldest of cold has it's beautiful times.  This picture was taken not far from my house. On a whim I turned right instead of left while on my way home from work.  I wanted to see what winter had done to the road, the fields, the stream.  This pictures doesn't do justice, but it was really quite beautiful.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Week in Review

I came home early from church today.  David has slicker shoes so I opted to walk home in the rain.  It felt appropriate to my mood.  I am just not feeling all that well though I'm not entirely sure all of it is physical.  I feel a little blue today.  I'm sure the weather has something to do with it, and January as a whole... that whole no sunshine thing gets to me every stinkin' year! 

On the way home I had a good think though.  Things are usually never how they seem.  The darkest fears more often than not don't come true, or at least not to the extent we fear.  I got to thinking about everything that has happened this week, good and bad, and I just want to share what I've learned, or in most cases re-learned.

1.  Miracles do happen.  See here, and then here.  Thank you all for putting this little family in your prayers.  It's not quite over but the biggest fears are put to rest.

2.  It has been re-confirmed that my decision to go to part time is indeed a good thing.  And perhaps for my sanity a paper chain would be the right thing to do.

3.  I have a great friend at work who makes all the crazy worthwhile.  Thank you Amy for making it so easy to laugh!

4.  I really do love photography.  I'm not that good at it, but already I can see improvement in my picture quality and composition.  Still not great, but better and most importantly, I really enjoy it.

5.  Having choir practice after church doesn't stress me out nearly as much as having it before church! Shazaam!

6.  I seriously miss exercise and so do my flappy calf muscles.  It's been right around 3 months since I've been able to exercise regularly and now I'm lucky to get 1 day in a week.  None of that being jumping around or running or anything.  This is due to...

7.  My shoe, or rather the foot.  I haven't written about this but many of you know already.  I injured my left foot by over-using it.  I blame this solely on high heels and bridal fair.  Never mind that the injury didn't occur then or that it really can't be pin-pointed.  It's what I'm going with.  Now I have a shoe, one that the doctors give you with specific instructions to stay off of it and I mean it!

8.  Bone bruises take a long time to heal.  Yep, that's the problem with the foot.  Bone bruised on the ball of my foot.  Really difficult to go down stairs.

9.  It's almost impossible to find cute shoes that offer the support needed to heal a bone bruise. Shoe Carnival saved me though.

10.  I'm not very good at making lists.

11.  I have the best husband ever.  I've stated it before but he has been so supportive of me it's almost ridiculous. He puts up with my mood swings and still wants to hang around me!  Amazing right!

That being said, I am feeling slightly better.  I guess that hymn "Count Your Blessings" really does work.

I hope this Sunday brings you some peace.  I hope this coming week brings enjoyment and gets you one step closer to your dreams.  And if not, may lots of chocolate come your way to help you get through it all.

Peace out.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A musical thought

K  So rarely to I post things about music here.  But a friend of mine mentioned this on her facebook status and I couldn't believe I had forgotten about Toto.  I love Toto.  It really brought me right back to those melancholy high school feelings.  Oh and the hair and earrings are stellar.


Okay, so I put in a Pandora station for Toto.  This was the next song and I just love the airband! Oh Journey, you truly have a special place in my heart as well.

And who can truly call it complete without a little Foreigner.

How about a little Mr. Mister to round things off.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Tuesday Photo

I firmly believe that January would be more enjoyable if I had left this little guy up... and maybe the Christmas lights too.  sigh.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Of the 50,000 Reasons I Love Book Club

1.  My sides still hurt from the laughter.

2.  I will never think of knitting the same way again.

3.  Bread!!

4.  Just so you know we're really loud over here!

5.  The waitress wanted to join our book club cause we're so dang funny!

6.  The chocolate calories consumed were voided out by the sheer amount of belly laughter.

7.  My eyes are puffy from the tears that were shed due to said laughter.

8.  There isn't a room that can truly contain our large voices, personalities, and wonderfulness.

9.  Never has three hours passed so quickly and so enjoyably.

10.  I have a new appreciation for Valium!

11.  I love all the members dearly!!!  (It really needs more exclamation points)

12.  Oh, and we get to read books to.

13.  Sometimes we even discuss them!

14.  Mostly we just laugh.

15.  I'm not even sure what about right now, but I'm certain it was good.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A plea...

We all have different problems, trials, frustrations, whatever you want to call them.  And a lot of them are not of our own doing.  And a lot of them come at really horrible times.

I know that you don't know my little brother Eli, but if you did you would think he is awesome.  Funny, talented, an all around good guy.  His wife Velvet is even better and that's pretty hard to do.  And well, their newest child,  two month old Grady is sick.  Really sick.

On Christmas they took him in to the hospital and he ended up being life-flighted to bigger facilities.  He has bacterial meningitis.  After a hopeful stay he was life-flighted on New Year's Eve to Primary Children's in Salt Lake.  It was a hopeful stay.  Best doctors and all that.  There were signs of improvement.  He had to have a minor surgery to take some fluid out of his little head.  Hope abounded.  Then he didn't do so well.  He's had another surgery that went successfully, but the doctors are worried about possible brain damage.

Again, I know you don't know him.  But please all of you wonderful people that I have come to know and love, please keep their little family in your prayers.  Pray for sanity for the parents, relief and comfort despite the odds, and healing for little Grady. He's such a sweet little baby who just hasn't been here long enough to have to deal with all of this.

Thank you in advance.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Change: The First

Well, I did say that 2011 would be one of change.  One of moderation.  So here's the first.

I quit my job.  Okay, not really, just the full time part. Yikes right!

David and I did some serious thinking over the weekend and discussed such things as quality of life, ability to support one another, what we want instead of what we have defaulted to, those kind of things.  So after much thought, prayer, and the use of the magic 8 ball, we decided that it would be a good idea for me to go to part time status and see about working from home.  (just kidding about the magic 8 ball though it would come in handy sometimes.)

The extra good news is that it's kind of a phase-in/out process.  I will continue on full-time through February and then start part time hours in March.  I can use my vacation time to go towards making up the hours so in all reality we'll be getting a full-time paycheck for a few months after I go to part-time. Can you think of anything better!?! Working part time, paid in full.  Yep, I'm excited.

The extra extra good news is that my boss/bosses/co-workers are in full support of my decision and are just awesome!  And because they are so awesome the things that I love most about my job are the things I get to keep. And they are things that can easily be done from home.  Cool huh!

Yep, it's starting out to be a pretty good year.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A Picture

I took this on the way home from home.  To Logan from Grace.  It was by the Bear River on the South side of the bridge.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Dear 2011

Welcome 2011.  You are already starting out pretty good.  We've been able to spend time with family.  We've been able to bring New Year celebrations to those stuck in places they would rather not.  You've brought a new perspective on life and the promise of many changes to come.  You've brought opportunities to share our abundance that 2010 blessed us with.
Your visit is just in the beginning stages but I look forward to spending more time with you.  Perhaps more balanced time, more time doing the things that make my spirit soar rather than bring them down. Yes 2011, you are a year of change.

In honor of your visit I shall make a resolution.  Only one.  I think it's something that I can life with.  I resolve to live in moderation.  Ok, it's only one but it's a pretty big one.  I want to have moderation in all things.  For all us crazy Mormon's out there the word moderation is usually associated with the word of wisdom and meat.  Well, I think it means more.  I need it to mean more, to transfer to more parts of my life. 

Moderation means less panic, more planning.  Less stress, more creativity.  Less reacting to and more sanity.  Moderation, 2011.  Moderation.

I look forward to what the future brings.  I look forward to the journey.