Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Is it really Tuesday?

Today feels like Wednesday.  Like I should be doing Wednesday things instead of whatever it is I do on Tuesday.  Usually that entails getting all dolled up in my husband's old work clothes, forsaking makeup, and hitting the yard hard.  But today?  Today, not so much.

Today started on a bad last night.  My son has been having trouble sleeping since Saturday night.  He's got a dang cold (grr!) and because of my stellar parenting, he had heat rash.  We were at a BBQ with friends and spent a good chunk of time in the great outdoors.  Neither one was completely evident till Sunday.  In fairness I have never had heat rash myself so I wasn't so much on the lookout for it.  And we did put a hat and sunscreen on the little tike.  But that's neither here nor there.  What is here and there was the fact that due to both (and teething, I almost forgot that never ending saga!) so due to all three, my son has not slept through the night since Saturday.  And not just a little wake-up cry and go back to sleep, but a "weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth hold me till I calm down and I'll see you again in a few hours" kind of wake-up call. 

Fortunately, he is taking naps and little by little his cold and the heat rash are subsiding.  In fact, last night he was not up again after 2 am.  But me?  Oh no, not me.  I woke up at 2 to his cries, gave him a little cuddle and sent him back to bed and then couldn't go back to sleep myself!  In fact I was awake till 4:30 silently weeping and wailing and gnashing my teeth because sleep would just. not. come and I was so very tired.  Even after 4:30 it was a fitful sleep full of tossing and turning and thinking that I could hear Ben crying again.

So today.  Tuesday.  The day that was scheduled for productivity and one more section of yard cleared by the sweat of my brow... well, it's kind of been a bust. And I'm okay with that.  There's still tomorrow to mow the lawn.  The tree stumps can wait another week, heaven knows they'll still be there.  (Did I tell you that I have dug out 17 stumps all by myself this year? 17!! I feel pretty good about that.)  Instead I took a nap.  I went for a walk with Ben and let him play at the park for a bit.  I pretended to do the dishes and have opted for salads for dinner because then I don't have to cook.  I will still forsake the make-up because it's almost 3pm right now and what's the point.  I will let go.  I will be content to do the bare minimum.  I will let my mind wander and should it start making lists of what "should be done" I will make it stop.  Today I will be okay with what has been done.

Today I will just be.