Today I'm a Widow...

Today David left at 5:15 am to load up the scouts and head to Scout camp.  Today at 5:15 am I became a widow.  A Scout Widow.  A single mom with a 1-year old boy with way too much energy sometimes.

I have been looking to this time with my fear, trepidation, and just a bit of excitement.  While I really like my husband and enjoy having him around, it will be kind of nice to just cook for me and Ben.  I eat simply.  I don't require a set table and neither does Ben.  If I don't do the dishes right away there is no one to notice but me.  If the house is a mess, no one cares but me.  My mess will not get in anyone else's way.

That's kind of a good feeling.

What I am worried about is Ben.  I have my doubts whether I will be enough for him this week.  He usually has us both at meal times and some good one on one time with each of us while the other is getting things done.  It works well for us.   It works well for him.  But just me?

I have also been thinking of all the things that I want to do while David is gone. Things like:

* Clean the house from top to bottom.  Really clean.  Vacuum under everything, clean the curtains, dust the world.

* Make a wall hanging for the bedroom.

* Finish the pictures I started to frame and get them hung.

* Paint the downstairs living room.

* Make a wall hanging for the kitchen.

* Paint the laundry room so that it no longer feels like the orphan room of the house.

* Organize Ben's room and get rid of what we're not using for him.  I have a bajillion pairs of pajamas that are all too hot for his size stuffed in drawers and shelves to get them out of the way.

* Go through my clothes and get rid of things that I don't wear anymore.

*Organize the kitchen drawers and shelves.  I seriously wish I had time to take every little thing out of every little space in my whole house and place it with purpose.

I know that I should schedule in some downtime but right now that feels like the last thing I want to do.  I just want to take advantage of this time and accomplish great things while there is no other adult around to... well get in my way. 

At least that's the wish... reality usually tells me differently.  Reality says I'm trying to do more than is possible.  Or am I?



Taken on USU campus at the top of the amphitheater.  I love the gnarled roots with new life.