Middle Ground

So, let's talk about life for a moment. You know, that thing you are supposed to be living right now? That series of events that help you progress and become the person that you really want to be. So, what is it that you really want to be?

I personally would like to be that person that never lets anything get under her skin. When "crisis" hits I would like to avoid the dirty-name-calling in my head and go right to the problem solver. (perhaps I should work on making those name-calling things stay in my head at least and not come out of my mouth... hmm.) It seems that I have become a very reactionary person as of late. You know, the kind that doesn't stop and think about what they are doing, they just react whether good or bad, appropriate or un. That's me. I didn't used to be that way. I have theories about this though.

First, when I started working USU Catering 2 1/2 years ago, I was a very nice person. In fact someone stated that I was probably the only one that worked there that liked everyone. They thought it was just me being an incredibly nice person. I informed them that I simply hadn't worked there long enough to hate someone yet. It got a big laugh at the time, but sadly I was right. Now, don't jump too quickly, I don't exactly "hate" anyone per se, but I do find some more obnoxious than others which leads me to my reactionary self. I find that since I have had to deal with people that I wouldn't consider a friend for far too long, I lose patience with them. The more I have to deal with the them quicker my patience leaves. Now it's got to the point that the very name shows on the caller ID and I'm already calling them names in my head and sometimes out loud. (I know, I'm such a good example for my staff... don't worry I can guilt myself enough over that one.) I'm just not sure how to come back from that.

On the other hand, at least I'm not bottling up my frustrations to be let out on some unsuspecting customer/friend/husband one day with guns blaring and tongue lashing... It's unhealthy to swallow everything right? Those are the people you read about, "She was always so nice and sweet, we just never saw the sawed-off shotgun coming!" So where's the middle ground?

I believe that will be my goal for the next little while. Perhaps I should implement the "count to ten" before saying anything. Who says all those fun things are reserved for children!