A few things.

1.  Today while I was changing Benjamin's diaper I thought "huh, this whole time I've been changing his diaper he hasn't once done the classic boy trick of peeing as soon as the diaper is off... my boy has such control!"  And then he peed all over!  I laughed.  He was relieved.  Blankets, clothes, changing pad... all in the wash.  Apparently he was waiting till he was completely full to make his debut.

2.  When David and I checked into the hospital to get things started, I had a little bit of a freak out when I had to sign papers for Benjamin in the "parent/legal guardian" section.  And then to put relationship to patient as "Mother" almost did me in.

3.  David had to pick up a prescription for the little guy and did the same thing at the pharmacy.

4.  The whole sleepless nights thing is really starting to hit. 

5.  All I want to eat is chocolate chip cookies.

6.  The hospital staff stressed how important it is to stay away from sugar while breastfeeding.

7.  I may be doomed.

8.  I put on regular underwear. :)  Not so much regular pants, but we're taking it one step at a time.

9.  I had a whole afternoon yesterday when I thought Benjamin was starting to resent me.  It freaked me out.  But then my husband reminded me of #4 on this list.  We went to bed early that night.

10.  Both feet, 1 1/2 ankles, and one leg are still hanging on to the swollen/cankle stage.  Riddle me that Batman.  I'd post a picture but it's kind of disgusting.

Here's a better picture anyway.  1 week old today!

Worth the Wait

Benjamin David Sullivan joined our family on February 20, 2012. 

The sordid details, but not too sordid:

I'll keep it simple.  He wasn't in any hurry to come.  Despite primrose oil, acupressure, and walking all over the world, he still needed help.  On Monday morning we called into the hospital to go ahead and get things started with a doctor's help.  We had hoped that breaking my water would kick start things, but when has anything ever been that simple? 

Two hours after the breaking occured, still no satisfactory progress.  So the dreaded pitocin was to be had.  We started out slow and turned it up every hour as progress was still slow going.  Fortunately I had the company of some great friends.  Friends like "The Emporer's New Groove", "The Great Race", and "Pride and Prejudice".  David also brought some James Bond movies but that was really the last thing I wanted to see. Something about bringing life into the world to the sounds of explosions and gunshots... meh.

Moving on.  Part of our goal with this was to go natural.  Didn't really want an epidural and had studied up on techniques to help through the contractions and pain.  Our nurses knew this as well as the doctor and were happy-ish to help out.  Some more than others.  But all in all our wishes were respected.  So.  The pit drip.  It kinda of... intensified everything.  About 3 the contraction pain took it a step up.  Got a little rough.  About 4:30 I kind of wanted to die.... just a little.  The nurses reassured me that they have a 100% success rate when dealing with birth.  I would live.  So on we went.  Onward, ever onward.  At 5 I was crying with the pain and I was only dilated to a 5.  I asked how much longer they thought it would be, they said probably 2-3 hours.  Then I not only thought I would die, I wanted to.  "Give me the epidural" I said.  Paper signed, the specialist was sent for.  20 minutes later I was hunched over for them to do the deed.  He missed, got a blood vessel instead of the right spot.  Two contractions later I wanted to push more than anything in my life.  They checked me again and I was fully dilated.  No epidural for me!  This was 5:30 by the way. So doctor was sent for, I had someone on both legs and the pushing began.

At 6:55 Benjamin came into the world and mine became complete.  I cannot get over how much I love this little guy.  In fact as I type right now I struggle not to cry a little.  He is just so very precious and I just can't get over what a miracle he is for us.  We weren't sure this day was ever going to happen, and here we are.

So there's the story.  More picture than you ever want to look at will surely turn up on the blog.  Our lives have completely changed and I couldn't be more ready for it. 

Thank you to friends, family, neighbors, ward members, co-workers... everyone really.  Thank you for the support.  Thank you for the love.  Thank you for the cheering on. 

It's time...

For an update.

It's been days since my last contact with the blogging world.  The lights are growing dim just as assuredly as my ankles are growing bigger.  I have unanticipated time on my hands with less and less desire to fill it productively.  sigh...

Okay.  For those not hanging on my every word on facebook, still no arrival of our little bambino. And no change in my condition which means a scheduled hospital date on Monday the 20th to get this party started.  Wednesdsay's appointment did bring up some interesting facts though.  Or really one.  That being that my real due date was February 13th.  Yep, that was last Monday.  I'm glad I heard about this untold change on Wednesday though since ignorance is bliss.

Thursday however.  Thursday was THE day.  THE day that despite all the "no change" and being told that Monday was what we were shooting for... well... the spirit was willing but the emotional flesh was weak.  Thursday came and the longer we were into the day the madder I got!  I ended up at a dear friends house with 2 containers of ice cream, chips, dip, crackers, and if I had been a drinker I would have had two bottles of wine just for me.  I have no idea if I like wine, but it would have been the drama that counted.  Fortunately good conversation, a lot of laughter and Jim Gaffigan helped put things back into perspective.

Friday brought on evening primrose oil, acupressure points, walking the world, and a few other things to help get this party started naturally.  To no avail.  But at least it beat sitting around being irritated.

So Saturday.  Today.  The day that I really didn't think I would be facing.  As in the day that speaks of grocery store runs, errands, house cleaning... it was never in my plan.  My plan stopped on Thursday.  I had no intention of having to deal with Saturday.  All I want to do is eat the rest of the ice cream and watch something brainless on TV.  This day I was not prepared to face.

However, lest things seem too doomy and gloomy, they really aren't.  I complain because I can.  Because I'm fragile and shouting the unfairness of it all when really it hasn't been that bad.  In fact, the only thing that I can really complain about is not being able to put on my shoes without having David compress my feet so that I can actually get them on.  Other than that, blood pressure is grand, I can still go to work and move quite well, I sleep okay, I don't have to be on bedrest, I can still scout out things at the DI and play around.  Really, not much to complain about is there.  In fact there are times when people out there probably hate me because I'm doing so well.  And that's okay.  There was quite a period in my life when I hated everyone who even got pregnant at all simply because I couldn't.  Not a real hate, just a jealousy thing.  Fortunately that stopped a few years ago as I came to terms with infertility and decided to stop letting it run my life.  After all, things were still pretty good.  But I digress.

Life is good.  The sun is shining.  Spring is in the air and David and I will go for a walk.  I will have this baby soon, perhaps not as soon as I want, but soon.

There.  I feel better.  May you all have a marvelous weekend!

Uuuggghhhh.

Notice there was no re-cap of photos from last week?  That's because all I could think to take pictures of were things like stuffed sausages (which would represent my legs, feet, ankles-that-used-to-be, and toes), pregnant cows (the kind that are so very pregnant you wonder how they are still standing) because I can totally identify with those poor creatures, and empty dishes (because that would represent my brain most of the time).  So.  I didn't.  I'm sure you get the picture though.

Some thoughts. 

I am now coming to a true understanding of "I'll do anything to get this kid out of me".  I had some vague idea of it before, but now... well.  Now.  I'm considering taking up jogging... like tonight as the snow comes down and the lights fail to shine on my path.  Maybe a little kickboxing?  Perhaps using jalapenos as after dinner mints.

I went to the doctor today.  No change.  Rescheduled for next week.  I honestly have to wonder why.  I have had several of these "no change" appointments.  What happens if there is a change?  Does he just tell me "well look at that, there's been a change.  Since you're not in labour go home and I'll see you next week."  Which leads me to think "Why am I going through this kind of torture?  The answer will always be 'no change' until there's definitely change.  So why not just wait till the water breaks or those contractions keep on contracting, which are both definite change?  If that's the change I'm looking for then I really don't need a doctor to tell me when it's not changing right?  Am I right?"  I'm probably not right.  But it feels good to put it out there anyways.  Maybe it will tempt the fates.

Speaking of tempting the fates. In light of recent "no change" status I went ahead and scheduled work meetings right up until the day I'm due and even thought about scheduling some on the day I am due.  If that doesn't tempt things I just don't know what will!

I kind of want to take all my measurements right now just so by this time next year I can say "Wow! look how much weight I've lost! And look how many inches I have taken off of my ankles!  My sandals fit so beautifully!"  And then I'll treat myself to a pedicure... and gelato.

Never fear dear friends, all is not lost though.  I may still be carrying this little guy kicking and screaming (he's kicking, I'm screaming) but I have been busy.  Never has my pocket book seen so many transactions at the D.I.  Shelving has taken on a new life.  Paint spatters are on the back porch.  Things are indeed hanging on my walls.  Yes. The crafty part of me seems to have taken over.  I wish I could direct it a little more though since that quilt I started a year and a half ago is still waiting that final strip of fabric and the scarf that would probably be finished in an hour, tops, is still sitting on the shelf.

Here's to life my friends!  Glad to have it, mostly glad to carry it!  And looking forward to getting out of it!  Ha ha!  May your week be fruitful... or at least filled with chocolate.