Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Honesty Really is the Best Policy

It's time.  It's time to come clean, to stop my absence from the blogosphere and let you know what is really going on here.

You see, I've had this vision in my head of what life is supposed to be like when pregnant.  The strong woman who experiences the morning sickness (or all day sickness as the case may be) and soldiers on with a determined smile.  She realizes that this is her lot and rather than complain, she thinks of the little one growing inside and knows that it will all be worth it.  She continues on, does her job, cleans her home, and cooks for her husband.  She retires for the evening with no complaint and prepares to do it all again.  She is somewhat of a saint.

I am not a saint.  Nor will I ever be one.  If there is one thing that I have really got to be honest about it is this: When have I ever  not complained?  Seriously.  I give the play by play and infuse a healthy does of whining.  I'm sitting here thinking that I have gotten exactly what I asked for... only not.  You see I want the pregnancy, I'll even take the weight gain, I just really really really don't want the sickness.  I also think that if I was 20 and somewhat naive about life I would be handling this much better.  I think that I would bounce back better.  When I was 20 I could stay up till 3 am and it would hardly make a difference in my abilities the next day.   But I'm not 20.  I'm 35 and 10 pm is my bedtime, 3 am will likely kill me.  I'm tired and I'm sick and I know that there are drugs out there than can help and why on earth would I not ask for those drugs!!?

I am not gracious and self sacrificing.  I am selfish and nauseous.  My house is a mess and I can't stand to look at the dishes let alone do them.  I'm having second thoughts... or third or fourth thoughts on our kitten.  I'm tired of the mess he makes.  It's not big, but it's there and again, I don't even have the willpower to do the dishes!  I think our basement smells funny and I don't know how to make it stop.  I don't know if it really does or if I'm super sensitive right now and everything smells funny.  I hate the taste of water and milk.  Soda is too sugary.  Juice only sounds good part of the time and only if I don't mix it.  The only food I've been able to make and actually eat is a pasta salad and tomato soup.  If I handle things too long then I think about it and then my stomach turns.  My salvation has been Sonic tater tots and I think I may have pushed it too far yesterday cause even that sounds gross right now.

My husband is my salvation.  He made the menu (I couldn't because nothing sounded good) and he's been cooking.  Fortunately we're just two and one meal will last several days, so really it's only a 2-meal thing.  I have found that if he makes it there's a chance I could eat it and be just fine.  He tells me not to worry about the house.  He says that no one is a good housekeeper when they don't feel good.  He tells me I look beautiful.  He tells me I'm doing fine.  He tells me not to be too hard on myself.  He tells me I'm okay.

See, my salvation.

So dear friends.  I need some advice from you.  You with experience in these matters.

1.  what did you do to help stem the all-day sickness?  Drugs? Spices? Voo-doo?

2.  Cleaning solutions: Tawnya, this one is more for you, didn't you do a vinegar thing that worked really good on floors?  It's random I know, but I desperately need to do a deep clean with no residue on anything.

3.  When in your first trimester of pregnancy how did your house look?

4.  Did you feel like you were going insane?  I kind of feel that way. 

So there you have it.  All out in the open.  No more hiding behind the saint/martyr image in my head.  Declaring my freedom to be who I am with no excuses.

Thank you dear friends.

23 comments:

  1. Anyone that acts the way you described during "morning" sickness is either lying or doesn't really have it and probably also has no friends.

    Try to learn how to let go of your expectations on the house and the cooking. It will get much worse and it will be better on you the sooner you let it go.

    I say get rid of the cat now while its small. Why add unnecessary stress?

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  2. Pretzels on hand at all times was the only thing that helped with nausea for me. Something about the salt I think. My house only looked good when Adam cleaned it. In my first pregnancy, we got take-out a lot and in the second Adam took over the cooking altogether. I couldn't stand raw food or handling it for very long either. Do whatever you need to to be as comfortable as you can. Anything not absolutely necessary can wait a few months until you start feeling better. Hang in there!

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  3. Sucks, huh? That's why I'm stopping at two lol. Just wait until you're prego with your second child while taking care of a toddler. It's a PARTY!

    I just drank carbonated water or diet pop in my first trimester. I couldn't cook either. I was way more picky with food. Weird for me!

    Don cleaned and cooked :) It's just too hard while pregnant!

    Be careful of kitty litter. Read this: http://kidshealth.org/parent/question/infants/qa_toxoplasmosis.html

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  4. I really am contemplating getting rid of the cat. When I think about having him here when the baby comes... it's not a pretty picture.

    I'll try the diet soda, maybe the sugar won't be weird that way. Oh and pretzels sound nice and safe.

    David takes care of the kitty litter right now so that isn't a problem.

    expectations are definitely coming down several notches.

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  5. You crack me up....I love how you just put it all out there and claim it! It's AWESOME! I wish I could tell you that the cooking and food thing gets much easier and better as your progress through your pregnancy, but at least for me....it hasn't! I just hope I get some of that back after delivery!

    To answer your questions:
    1. Ginger stuff usually helped me (aka ginger ale, ginersnaps, etc...) I have also had the whole water tastes funny thing...somedays it is just fine others it has some metalic taste. I've found I do alot better with water when it is really cold. Remember its very important to be drinking a ton (and therefore you will be peeing a ton!)

    2. Do a little each day, don't take it on all at once. Focus on things that must get done and then let the rest go. Expectations definitely go down...or have for me. Vinegar and water are excellent cleaners--rememember though vingegar has a very distinct smell until it is dry.

    3. My house looked alright....I mostly just had piles that I usually never had and it was pretty dusty because I didn't dust much! oops! :D

    4. As for feel as though I "was" going insane....oh man---Was is not the issue! Still do! haha! There are so many things that used to not bother me that do now, or that bother me way more, or the fact that my emotions are so out of whack I don't even know what normal is anymore. I'm pretty sure that some days Clay is ready to just send me to a padded cell! haha!

    There are a lot of changes that take place all at once. Knowing how much you wanted something and then finally getting it is in and of itself overwhelming! Just remember to pray! good luck!

    JEss :D

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  6. I'll try for my two cents in order:
    1: Drugs? Yes- tried the phenegrin or whatever you call it--- knocked me out. So don't know that it helped. I wasn't nauseous but I wasn't conscious either...I have always gone with the salt idea. Pretzels, saltines, the little oyster crackers (less crumbs). I was also told Vitamin B6 helps control the metabolism which in turn helps with the nausea-- heads or tails as to whether it Really helps. I think it had the magic feather effect for me. If Voo Doo would have helped I'd be all over that.
    2- I particularly like the smell of hexall (I think that's what it's called- very medical smelling) and or pine sol and or lemon pledge. I mostly just used what smelled good at the time and didn't bother cleaning the rest of the time.
    3- Well... dishes and garbage were/are an issue for me. I can't even unload the dishwasher if it smells like fish (which I'm the only one that thinks it does)Sean picks up a lot of the slack on that one. A lot. House...well vacuuming was all I could get done in a day (usually totally wears me out) and so I call that good. Bending over to pick stuff up when queasy is NOT a good idea and you've seen my house before. I figure friends are forgiving. Also as far as laundry goes- if the one load made it all the way through clean cycle to dry and OUT of the dryer (not folded and put away) I consider it a major accomplishment.
    And lastly---
    4- Yes. All the time. Pregnancy brain hits and its like my brain just melted. And then I'm irritable on top of all that. Bowl of cherries to be with- that's me. :) It gets weirder when you feel the baby move and you think about this alien offspring punching and kicking etc.... And you jump because you're being smacked from the inside but nobody else knows... yeah. I get some funny looks sometimes. :)

    Hang in there. You sound like you're on the totally normal track to me. That's a very good thing.

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  7. I didn't clean at all when I was sick so basically for 3 months, the house was always messy (I basically lived on the couch). I had major heartburn all the time which made my morning sickness worse. I was able to take prilosec for that. As for the nausea, I was given a drug that was supposed to help but it just made me sleepy and didn't really do much for the nausea so I didn't take it very often. I ate a lot of tortilla chips and eggs in a hole, it was all could keep down for a while. Soda helped when I was pregnant with Wells but made me feel worse when I was pregnant with Emily and I couldn't drink milk at all with either. I was thinking about getting pregnant again soon but now that I'm thinking about these things I'm not so sure now:)

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  8. I ate skittles and drank a lot of Gatorade. Weird, right? Preggie Pop Drops were a lifesaver for me. They are not a long term solution (if you eat more than two in a row, your mouth insides will be shredded), but they really came through when I needed them to. My response about housekeeping doesn't count because our rent down here includes a weekly housekeeper. And yes, you may be a little crazy(er) for life.

    You do look beautiful. You are doing fine. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're ok. In fact, you're amazing. You are growing a human, for heck's sake. No matter what else happens, you are amazing. Own it!

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  9. Random:

    1. I second the ginger. Have ginger ale on hand at all times.

    2. I survived on Apple Jacks for 4 months and the last 5, watermelon. I don't know what Isaac ate. I think he didn't starve, but I never got off the couch to check.

    3. DON'T do anything you don't feel like. It really will wait. And when you are nesting and cleaning like a mad woman on speed, you'll be glad to have something to start with! ;)

    4. Vinegar. Yes. My SALVATION I found during pregnancy. We will talk tomorrow. Wait. You're coming tomorrow or will the smell kill you?

    5. What "works" for you will clearly be different. Go with any and all cravings and you'll tap in to what will curb the food thing.

    6. Crazy. Yes. Insane. Yes. Irrational? Did I ever tell you that I made another pregnant woman cry in Target because I ripped off my head and spouted fire from my neck? Yeah...I was a little crazy. It's all part and parcel for pregnancy. Does it come back to normal? Eh. Mostly. But not really. Embrace the crazy now, my friend!

    5. My house during all but the 6th month of pregnancy (thanks, bedrest!) looked less than hoarders territory, worse than my best. Most days, I just tried not to care as long as the remote was close.

    6. I think you should get rid of the cat now. It'll be easier and lessen the crazy. Esp. once the baby comes. I hear you have crazy neighbors who like cats! ;)

    I want to help. If I knock on your door one day, I don't care what you look like, let me in and I will dive in and help. Deal?

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  10. well, i am laughing a little inside. not because i think you're silly for thinking you could beat morning sickness, but because you are describing life as a pregnant lady!! hello... i'm not sure if you remembered me preggo in the office, but i could barely make the car ride to campus without pulling over. a lovely customer once asked if i was going to barf on them... i couldn't pull myself out of bed to even dry my hair until my 2nd trimester. danny says pregnancy is expensive not because of all the baby stuff but because 'the momma wants what the momma wants!' lots of take out, coke and mcd's hashbrowns, pretzels, mini nilla wafers, nutrigrain bars, popcorn. just anything that sounds good- eat it! worry about the consequence later! my house was a mess, and of course you feel insane! i'm not sure what your idea of the baby being home is... but that might get the same reality check :)

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  11. Oh Katherine, you see you hid it well! I know you didn't feel good but I had no idea about the dragging out of bed etc.! And as far as having the baby at home, no fears, too many sisters not to know that game, just never got in on the whole first 3 months of pregnancy. When child comes I fully expect to have caution tape on the front door and war zone like "destruction" throughout the house. I just thought that came with the child... not with the morning sickness!

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  12. Tawnya, definitely coming to book club, wouldn't miss it for the world! I have pills that help...somewhat. might have to do a magic rain dance or something but they do seem to help at times. :)

    Let's face it people, I'm 35 and a wimp but I've accepted it and that's okay. I don't like pain, especially extended periods of it. Doctor's say that if you have an IVF the first time, chances are you'll need IVF for all... adoption is looking really good right now! wah aha hahahaa! Kudos to you who are stronger than me! To quote a great movie line "I'm getting too old for this sh*t!"

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  13. I've heard people who have done both (pregnancy in their 20s / 30s) say it's really tough in the 30s. All I know is I was 32 and was left sniveling on the ground for, oh, about 18 months (because, let's face it, the 1st year postpartum isn't exactly a picnic!). So I would say you are pretty darn "normal"!

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  14. thank you my friend! Can't wait for book club! Too bad it can't start and lunch and just go through dinner...

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  15. I HAVE been wondering if we should try starting a tad earlier...at least 6:30. We never seem to fit everything in!

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  16. yep, embrace the crazy and use the "i'm pregnant" wisely. i think i've told you but i went to lunch with danny once and all i wanted was belgian waffles from ihop. so i was gagging quite a bit as we walked in but no one was taking those waffles away from me. we were seated, i promptly 'visited' the restroom where i lost all control of my bladder/dignity. got back to the booth, sat on my jacket and ate those darn waffles. they were wonderful... and short lived because they too came back up later. *sigh*

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  17. also, after miles was home danny may or may not have staged an intervention where he demanded i shower regularly. go figure.

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  18. That's hilarious! both the pancakes and the intervention! Something to look forward to. Perhaps I'll give David a heads up now!

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  19. Hey, you know what they say,"A sick pregnancy is a healthy pregnancy" Good luck and the emptier my tummy was the sicker I felt. Good luck!

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  20. I just sent you a message via e-mail that isn't going to make any sense now..... I wish I had read this first.....
    I'm so sorry morning sickness is so unpleasant. It isn't easy to forget what you should be doing and just endure what you have to do. I must say I'm very proud of David. I wish I had had that kind of support. I remember that I could not do dishes when I was pregnant. The smell of meat cooking sent me to the toilet, and the only way I could make it through the day was sleep. I lived on tea and toast; tea and toast. The worst thing to throw up is a dill pickle.
    I would consider it an honor if you would let me clean your floors when we come. Think about it.

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  21. All I could do is nod my head to everything everyone has said...Like I said before: It was just a small bite out of a small apple" I hope there is a complaint department in Heaven :)

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  22. Ah.... I second all of this. My house was a mess, I was a mess. I do think that HAVING to go to work, since I wanted to save all my days for when baby came, helped. I just had to get up and shower, there wasn't a choice. BUT, my morning sickness was mild and I SO DO NOT get how people with heavy morning sickness do it. I'd quit my job for sure. I agree with Tawnya on the cravings part- you eat whatever sounds good...whenever you want. I totally thought I'd be one of those healthy pregos...HA! Maybe I cried until my husband got me Coldstone, then cried because they forgot the caramel...then cried more when my husband suggested I could put some caramel from our fridge in....yep, crazytown!

    I think having those mini saltines (did someone say oyster crackers? I think?) around helped. I'd just grab one or two every few minutes to have something in my stomach. I'd even have a few before getting out of bed. Alarm off, grab crackers. Ahhhh....good luck, my friend. It's so hard, but like everyone says...SO worth it.

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  23. I know I'm late to this party, but I'm SO glad you're feeling the same! I haven't had the energy to cook ANYTHING (or the appetite) and showering just sounds like a lot of work :) SO glad I'm not alone.....

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