Some Thoughts on This Motherhood Thing

I LOVE being a mom.  Love.

Even if I'm doing everything wrong.  Even if my house looks like it belongs on the set of a natural disaster movie.  Even if I am sleep deprived and have absolutely no idea what dinner will be.  I love it.

Why, you may ask, do I love it?  With the diaper changes and the spit up and the crying and fussing and feeding and constant laundry and no time to myself... how could I possible love this? 

Because whether it's 3 in the morning or 3 in the afternoon, when I cuddle my little boy and sing him a song or tell him a story to help him go back to sleep, and he nestles his little face close to me and smiles at me around his pacifier... I could be content for the rest of my life.

Never has sleep deprivation come with so much love, so much joy.  No finished assignment, or house cleaning project, or spell of alone time has ever made me laugh quite as much as my little man or brought as much peace.  Nothing has ever been able to readjust my attitude like his myriad of facial expressions.

Sometimes I wake up and can't believe that we have a child.  That he's really with us, he's really ours.  I keep trying to memorize the way that he feels in my arms right now.  I don't want to forget it.  I know this time will go so quickly and I really do want to enjoy every moment.  So I have a gazillion pictures that will bore most people to tears, a box of clothes that he's grown out of already, and as many memories as I can make to help me remember the yesterdays and todays before tomorrow sneaks up on us and takes those memories away.  Before he's walking and talking and getting ready for school.