Friday, June 22, 2012

Five Minute Friday: Risk

I am taking a risk. 
I have really enjoyed this time of my life.  This time with Ben.  This time of cuddling and cooing and being a mommy.  The mom that I didn't really think I would get the opportunity to be.  But here I am.  Enjoying.  Capturing.  Loving.

and then...

Will he be an only?  Is there more?  Will my little Benjamin have a little someone to play with and laugh with and fight with and be best friends with?

Do we start trying?  Again.
Will it take us back to the doctor?  Will it cost us money that we don't have?  Will it matter?

Since nothing was explained about our infertility situation, I still feel lost in the unknown.  I wanted an answer.  I wanted to know why things didn't work on their own.  On our own. 

Now.  Do we try again and see if we just needed this jump start?
Do we try again and have it take right off?
Do we try again and have the same heartbreaking situation as last time?
Can I really handle that now?

I want my son to have a playmate.  Someone to hide under the covers with and tell stories with and go on adventures with.  I want to hear dual laughter coming from the bedroom late at night.  I want him to be the one that can make his little brother or sister laugh the most.

10 comments:

  1. I love you, friend. I truly hope you get what you want and won't have to live with the heartbreak.

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    1. I figure you know some of this too! I just thought I would have a bit more time before those "thoughts" started creeping in again. Good thing is it makes me want to enjoy Ben even more! And thank you... for being you and being here.

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  2. I have been there. For 5-1/2 years after my son was born I was in that place. I do not envy your thought process. But just know that what will end up happening was the right thing. The only thing. Whatever you decide is the way to go. Trust your gut, your faith, your mother's intuition. Whatever is the strongest. Even if you change your mind half way through. That, too, is the right decision.

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    1. Thank you for your words. I needed that bit of encouragement. That faith.

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  3. What a beautiful baby boy you have! Congradulations! I've just popped over from Gypsy Momma. Trust your instinct with having more..what you are feeling inside..that's God's spirit guiding you. You will know what do to do when the time comes. Right now, just enjoy! :)

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  4. Take a deep breath and enjoy the moments you have with your cute little son. The Lord will guide you in the decisions that need to be made and He will give you peace! As you talk about more children with your husband just remember that whatever you decide is what is best for your family...Thank you for sharing your heart and the risks you have taken

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  6. I've got to agree with the above comments. Enjoy little Ben! He is soooo cute! Heavenly Father has a plan for you and your family. You never know what surprises may await you!

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  7. It is hard to take a risk,...then wait.
    God be with you.
    http://www.sharono-somethingtothinkabout.com/

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  8. Nothing much more to say than what has already been expressed. Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and we always pray for the best for you. Hugs!

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