Friday, June 15, 2012

Welcome to my life, Chaos

I used to be one of those people who "had it together".  I had routine.  I had order.  I had goals that I could actually achieve on any given day.

I would wake up 5 minutes before the alarm.  Exercise, shower, get ready for the day.  My laundry was done on Mondays.  My dishes were kept washed, my counters wiped down, and my rooms were decluttered on a regular basis.

I used to plan menus and execute them with style.  The table actually got set.  Forks, knives, napkins.  I could write regularly.  I could read regularly.  I could breathe regularly.

And then Chaos was introduced into my life.

Chaos has many forms and it has been introduced into my life in several of those.  Jobless, scheduleless, sleepless, energyless.  I have to remind myself of the basics, like "be sure to brush your teeth this morning... you know, before noon."  And "exercise is good for you! Remember when it was the only thing that kept you sane?"

My dishes are lucky to make it to the sink on a daily basis.  Lunch is almost a chore to put together.  A decluttered room? I laugh in your general direction! Ha!... ha ha ha haaa!

It seems like life could not be more different than it used to be... back then.  Back then when I didn't have the challenges that I face now.  Back then when I wasn't greeted every morning by the most adorable smiling face in the entire world.  Back when my day was scheduled and predictable and rarely had me bursting out in laughter at odd times.  Like when he catches himself in the mirror and his smile lights up both of our faces.  Or when I pick him up and dance around the room to quality music like "Pressure" and he giggles with delight.

Now I get my reading time in with my little boy snuggled in my arms.  I read my stories to him and he drifts off to sleep to the sounds of my fake English accent and all the proper voices that the book requires.  That's when I look around the room and see little toys, little chairs, little things and a part of me thinks that perhaps I should put him down and clean things up.  Regain some order in my life.

It's a fleeting thought though.  If I've learned anything in my 36 years of life, it is that it goes fast.  This growing up thing.  Nieces and nephews change overnight.  A few weeks or months pass and they are different children.  More grown up, less baby-faced.  There may not be time to snuggle tomorrow.  He might not look the same.  He might not want to snuggle in my arms much longer.  So I try to embrace the Chaos and enjoy the moments.  They might not last much longer. 

I never thought Chaos would bring so much joy.


  1. Amen. I'm contemplating my first schedule in 6 years to begin this fall. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm oh, so sad as well.

  2. Keep reading and dancing! Your perspective and priorities are just right. Seemed like I never got ahead of dirty dishes and laundry for 20 years of chaotic family life, but now I very much enjoy setting a pretty table and lingering over a meal and meandering conversation with my BFF. Every night! (mostly).

    The tidy life he & I enjoy now is nothing like the overflowing mess of then, but each season of life contains complete joy.

    Plus, Ben is such a darling, I don't know how you are able to focus on much else.