Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Pursuit of Happiness

So not so recently I watched the "Pursuit of Happyness" with Will Smith. I've always been a fan, even in the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire stage which certainly wasn't the highlight of his career but I got a kick out of it. I quite enjoyed his humor in "Independence Day" and have been delighted to see him take on some more serious roles. But, a tribute to Will Smith is not why I am writing today. I'm thinking about the pursuit.

At the end of the afore mentioned movie, Will's character attained his dreams which we all rejoiced in as an audience. However, I felt stressed and anxious through the entire thing. I kept on thinking "when is this guy gonna get a break!" After all was said and done, 'happiness' achieved, I left the theatre out of breath and feeling like some serious down time was needed. Kudos to him for stickin' to his dreams, but boy oh boy I'm sure glad that I don't have to do all that. Or do I?

I just got back from the doctors office. Yes, we are starting those lovely visits again in the pursuit of our happiness... that would be a child for those of you not in the know. We took a break after my January surgery and it's time to get brave again and give it another go. I had more blood work done last week (you'll be happy to know that I didn't pass out and they only had to stick me twice! Now that's progress) and today I went in to see if it was a good idea or not to start on clomid again. Well, it's not. That little problem that my January surgery took care of seems to have come back.... all by itself, no drugs necessary. "Bob"is very persistent. I've decided to name this one George.

So now I'm sitting here contemplating life as we know it. I'm not sure what to do. It's not that I want pity or anything, I'm just trying to figure things out. I have never doubted that the Lord has had a plan for us. I know that he still does. But I can't help but wonder if that means I'll be having children in my 50's! A modern miracle for all the world to see and be glad they are not in my shoes. At our kids high school graduations I'll have my rubber tipped slip-proof walker and David will have his portable oxygen tank... we'll have to pay someone to take pictures because our eyesight will be too bad.

David and I are also meeting with LDS Family Services on Thursday to get the scoop on adoption simply because at the rate we're going it's probably best not to put all our eggs in one basket, so to speak.

As this pursuit continues I can't help but think if it is worth it. Do I really want to be pregnant? Stretch marks, heart-burn, late nights, morning sickness, baby fat, inability to tie my own shoes or shave my legs... doesn't really sound that appealing. Adoption is sounding better and better. Of course there will still be sleepless nights, dirty diapers galore, and all that comes with it, but at least my pants will still fit!

Here's keeping it optimistic! Just keep going, its just gotta be worth it in the end.


  1. Oh, Lora. I'm so sorry. This all just sucks! George is...evil.

    Life really isn't fair. I'm 35 and that's all that I seem to know for sure. Let us know how the adoption meeting goes. That whole thing scares me...but I'm a wuss.

    (If ever you want to be turned off, even for just a second, from pregnancy...let me know!)

  2. Hang in there.... Bob and George need to go away... not that this is any comfort, but my total was 7 before I was done. So there is an end to it.... although the means may not be ideal.

  3. You can do this babe! You are one tough chick!! My friend was told she and her husband couldn't have kids so they went the LDS Social Services route and adopted 2 beautiful children, a boy and a girl, and her little girl turned 1 in March and she found out that she is in fact pregnant and due in December! She knows that these two little children were meant to be a part of their family and they needed to get them before they had one of their own. It's so true that you never know what the Lord has in store for you.

    Being that I am very great with my 3rd child right now, adoption is looking really good!! I forgot what my feet look like, I only wear flip flops, even the maternity clothes are tight, I think I make at least 50 trips to the bathroom a day because someone has decided that banging her head on my bladder is a great idea - I am almost incontinent, I have to make a 30 point turn in bed just to change sides - can't lay on my back, I clearly weigh too much because I get winded going up the stairs, and I am chasing around a 40 pound 2 year old at the same time! Adoption is looking really good babe!!

    I know things will work out for you and your honey, if there is anyone I know that is more faithful, righteous, and wonderful it is you my friend!!

    I love you babe!!

  4. that's the spirit! i'm with tawnya- i could tell you stories about pregnancy... to add to what griping of mine you had to endure! i'm so excited for you and david!

  5. I love love love all you women that support me out there! Ginny I had no idea that you had seven! yikes! You give me strength!

    Tawnya, I'll totally let you know how the adoption meeting goes. And it's amazing how many people offer to let me have their child a day or two to make me feel better about not having one!

    Gretchen, I'm a bad friend. Congrats on the 3rd! We so need to get together sometime and just catch up. I admit it's still difficult for me to picture fetchin' gretchen as a mom! Leather vest and all. Killing me softly babe! Thank you...

  6. we love you...we hate george! evil george!

    did I mention that we love you?

    thanks for the update...we've been a-wonderin'...

  7. I can't believe this george!
    If anyone can beat this thing you can. You are the strongest person I know. I know you won't let the D's get you down. (Doubt, discouragement, distress,despair, defeat) Having children in your old age will keep you young and exciting. When David was born he was such a little stranger. Once the cord was cut, there was no evident claim from my body to his. He was a free independent spirit sent straight from his Heavenly Father. To me, the bonding came from nurturing and loving him. Any baby could have been put in my arms and I would have grown to love it.