Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Getting a Grip

Do you know how? I have come to a few conclusions myself.
1. It must be done repeatedly. It is not a one time deal.
2. I used to be really good at it.
3. Not so much anymore.
4. Life changes mess up with one's ability to get a grip.
5. Changes such as kittens and their toys.
6. Random water stoppages due to construction.
7. Changes in income... aka getting a part-time check vs that lovely full-time one that was enjoyed up to June 1st.
8. Changes in health... aka what's the deal with this whole not feeling so hot thing... to be expected, but not enjoyed.

Getting a grip means admitting that you've lost yours. I, my friends, have totally lost my grip. I am currently sitting in my bedroom with the door closed. I'm shutting it on the laundry, the dishes, and the cat. I can hear Oscar playing in the kitchen. And while he is fun and entertaining and sometimes even cuddly, I'm just not in the mood to deal with him today. I am longing for that peace that I used to have. That inner peace where you're cool with the world and the world is in turn cool with you.

Getting a grip usually means making some changes. I may move my office to another bedroom instead of the downstairs living room. That way I have the ability to shut the door. It's kind of interesting how Oscar's perfectly capable of entertaining himself while I'm gone but just can't leave me alone when I'm here. This not feeling so hot things has also altered my reality. It may just turn me into a night person rather than a morning person. I find myself sleeping longer, as if that will actually help.

Getting a grip sometimes means re-incorporating things back into your routine. On Monday I braved the gymn. Crazy right. I even decided to tell that pain in my foot to take a hike. I decided to ignore it should it raise it's ugly head. Turns out it was fine. In fact I even ran for like 1.5 minutes. Do you know what happened during that 1.5 minutes? I hurt. But not my foot. It was my fat. That fat that has been leaching it's way onto my body since November when doctor's orders were to stay off of the foot. That fat that has been groomed to full saddle bags with hormone injections and mood swings controlled by food. That fat that has made it impossible to wear the one and only pair of shorts I own that are decent in public. It hurt. It was moving up and down completely out of control. I had no grace, no style. I shudder to think what I looked like from behind. I was like an injured llama trying to run. It was ridiculous. It made me realize just how lazy I've become. Complacent. My goal was always to "move what I got". Meaning I may not be the skinniest thing in the world but at least I can move what I have. I will now adjust that to "Move what I got with minimal pain involved."

sigh.

I am slowly regaining my grip. I am slowly adjusting to things that are now very much a part of my life. I am slowly coming to terms with my own reality.

11 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry! Has morning sickness hit? Or trying to hit? If you need anything...

    ReplyDelete
  2. And, well, my grip is just barely "getting" 5 years later. I'm hoping for better for you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yep, the sickness has started. yesterday it was horrid, today not so bad. oh and I'm wimpy cause "horrid" did even involve the worshipping of toilet gods, it was just your run of the mill yuckiness... total wimp here.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Graham crackers (not saltines, oddly) eaten BEFORE your feet hit the floor in the morning. That seemed to help. I would keep a pack on the nightstand.

    Oh, and people not looking at me. That was a huge help as well...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love the "people not looking" bit! yesterday David came home and gave me a hug and I wanted to hit him! It just kind of struck the minute he wanted to touch me! So funny. Told him it was nothing personal I just really wanted to beat him up, but I wouldn't cause that would hurt the stomache. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah. That's pretty normal. I always assumed it was a subconscious move to hurt the one that made us sick! I'm sorry! When you hit a craving, let me know and it's so yours!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think we need to go to lunch sometime. I've been wanting to go back to the Crepery for awhile. Just a thought. Or really anywhere that isn't lunch at home by myself. Oscar just doesn't count as a good lunch companion.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Any time. Katie and I are cup caking it on Thursday at one. You are more than welcome. And I will seriously go to the crepery anytime you want. Name the date and I'm there!

    ReplyDelete
  9. HUGS, Miss Lora, Just so you know, Zoe is MORE than happy to play with Oscar whenever you need a break :) I am so sorry you're not feeling well... I remember there were moments during my pregnancy (usually when I was hanging over the toilet bowl) when I had the thought pass through my head, "What the HECK was I thinking? I wanna dieeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Oh, I hope that's normal. Anyway, this too shall pass and I kinda think us feeling yucky and not wanting to be looked at or bothered in any way by our hubbies is just normal during pregnancy. They have to deal. Oh, and #2497 piece of advice you didn't ask for: I would definitely eat something before I got out of bed, it really helped. Wheat thins were a favorite of mine. Also, this sounds weird, but I swear by it. When I was sick, but I had to be up and about, I would carry around a ziploc baggie full of fresh lemon slices. If I got super queasy, I would open the bag and smell the lemons. It helped a bit... at least long enough until I could run to the bathroom. Supposedly the citrus smell can help counter nausea... I don't know. If you EVER need me to run to the store and get you ANYTHING DAY OR NIGHT... I'm here for you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Any kind of carb first thing helped me. Unfortunately, even though I didn't throw up with either pregnancy, the never ending nausia really never ended until I had the baby. Throwing up might be better. At least you would feel better for a little while. I hope it passes quickly and you can get your energy back.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sounds like your pregnant :)

    ReplyDelete