Thoughts

I feel all in a jumble right now.  There are so many things that my thoughts skip back and forth between.  I wish that someone could just take a peek inside my brain and tell me what is important.  What to spend my time dwelling on.  What to just let go.  Tell me what is inside my realm of control and what just isn't.

All the traveling has come to a stop and I can rightly say that it's a blessing.  Gas prices on the rise and all.  But it has given me more time to think.  I've thought about my New Year's word, Moderation.  I wonder if I'm anywhere close.  I feel I have made progress but I seem to be the kind of person that bounces back and forth.  I get heavily involved in a project until I burn myself out on it.  Hence my unfinished quilt, half made gift bags and cards that are just waiting to be put together.  Or recently the room that gets half way cleaned, the laundry that gets half way done.  Perhaps I have eased back a little much.

I've also been thinking about friends.  Friends that used to be a large part of my life but seem to have drifted.  Friends that perhaps I took for granted would always be there.  Particularly one.  I've reached out and have been met with silence in return.  I keep on wondering if I have offended somewhere along the way.  Did I get so wrapped up in the things that are going on in my life that I neglected someone when they may have needed me.  Did they reach out and I missed it?  I hate the way these thoughts are plaguing me right now. 

I've always thought of myself as a loyal friend.  Once friends always friends.  No matter the distance or time in between.  I may not be a "best" friend or a regular "hang out" friend, but I just don't know how or when to stop calling them friend.  So I don't.  And when I'm met with silence by all of my inquiries as to how they are... well, I just don't know what to do.  It kind of makes my heart hurt.  And it makes me worried about them.  I wonder if they are okay.  If there marriage is okay.  If something awful has happened.  If if if...  Perhaps I'll try a more direct approach.  Like showing up on their doorstep and begging. 

I guess there are usually no easy answers to things.  Life just takes time.  Problems take energy to figure out.  Priorities need to be made.  People need to be remembered.  Nothing really profound about it.  Just gotta do it.