A New Phase

I've run head on into a new phase of pregnancy and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  Well, that's not altogether true.  I am pretty sure how I feel about it and it's not so cheery.

1.  I can't sleep.  I am exhausted but can't seem to actually sleep at night.  During the day when I'm supposed to be doing things I could fall asleep at the drop of the hat.  But when the lights go out at night something seems to happen.  I can't get comfortable.  My hips hurt.  I roll over every 15 minutes trying to find new comfort in old places.  And then I have strange dreams filled with pixies and facebook tallys and convicts.  I can't sleep on my stomach for obvious reasons and when I'm on my back for more that 2.5 seconds I start to lose circulation to the lower half of my body.  I fear I may have to face the facts and start my night out in the embrace of the over-stuffed recliner rather than my husband.

2.  What's up with my ankles.  Seriously.  Where did they go?  I used to have lovely ankles.  Shapely ankles.  Ankles I could be proud of. These aren't even cankles, they're more like thighnkles.  The loosest of socks leave deep imprints and the tops of my feet seem to move of their own accord.  I'm just glad this has been a mild winter because I don't have to make shoes fit, I can still get away with sandles.

3.  I don't really know my size.  I run into people who go "Whoa! What happened to you in the last week?! You doubled in size!"  And others who say "You're due when? But you're so tiny!"  For the record, I in no way shape or form feel "tiny".  I feel huge.  I feel the pressure of my belly even in times of relaxation.  I am amazed that it's possible (and inevitable) that I'll get bigger than I am.  My husband says it feels like I've literally swallowed a basketball.  I'm going more for watermelon... a big one. My pregnant belly has made my oversized and unwanted "jugs" look small.  I'm not sure where I am, but I'm pretty sure it's not tiny.

4.  Pajama bottoms have become my best friend.  In fact as soon as I hit the door to the house I change back into my pajama bottoms.  They are big.  Big and soft and comfy.  They don't put undue pressure anywhere.  If I could wear them to work I would.  If I could wear them to church I would.  At least I get my house.

5.  The baby no longer "flutters".  Fluttering in my belly has been gone for awhile.  No movements are small movements.  They are big and seemingly violent.  My belly moves all the time when he's awake.  I can not believe that I have never noticed this in pregnant women before.  Of course I never made it a habit to stare at anyone's stomach, but still.  If anyone were to pay attention they would see my little bambino trying to break free all. the. time.  It kind of makes me laugh... while I'm trying to make myself taller so his feet won't be so very much in my ribs.

So here I am.  In the last stages of pregnancy.  That blessed time that occurs so that no matter what I have to go through I do it just to get this child out!  There are definite things I look forward to.  Like eating food and not getting sick and saying goodbye to heartburn.  I can't wait to lay on my belly.  I know that sleep deprivation is really just beginning and I know not of what I speak since my child is still inside.  But still.

I look forward to seeing what my little guy looks like.  To holding his wiggly body in my arms instead of in my belly.  To putting all of these cute little outfits and blankets to use. To seeing what kind of person my little guy will be.  I'm excited, and scared, but mostly excited.