This is a tough one for me. I guess I've struggled with self-worth even in my childhood.
But I think it has to do with the self-pep-talks. What do you say to yourself? I usually tell myself that I can do this. I've done hard stuff before. I didn't just scrape by either- made it through with my head held high (much of the time) thus this (whatever it is at the moment) is no big deal. I'm hot, beautiful, caring, smart, clever and resourceful. So there.
Doesn't always sink in right away. Thick skull and all. It makes me think of YW lessons but how none of us wanted to say what we are good at (caring, smart etc) because it felt like bragging and that can be hurtful. Two edged sword. I think about how I am supposed to teach my boys to be self confident and feel the power of their own worth. Ian went through a phase recently where he was doubting his ability to do anything. He'd get all emotional and say "but I just can't do it Mom" to which I'd usually reply that he was good at such and such a task and he really should try. I didn't think I'd deal with it in a 4 year old but there ya have it.
Sorry for the epic comment.
I'm looking forward to seeing your thoughts on the subject.
I try to do my best, but alas, I fall short more often than I care to admit. To me, part of valuing yourself is being able to love yourself and forgive yourself when you make a mistake. Just like Maggie said, to give yourself a pep talk and say "it's okay, you can try to do better tomorrow" and then do just that, let go and try again. ;)
I agree with all that has been said so far. My thoughts on the subject? I think valuing myself also means believing in myself to do anything I set out to do. If I don't I usually don't get my goals even half way done. It all comes down to belief for me in addition to positive self pep talks. Belief gets us there. And if God believes in us and what we can be then so should we. I do still struggle with this sometimes but I am trying my best to remember it more often.
if i didn't know that i was truly a daughter of God, i would give up sometimes: i always thought that children would make me feel valued, but with my bunch???? i thought that teaching school would make me feel valued, but the expectations seem higher than i am able; i often think that friends might make me feel more valued, but i always end up being the sound board; i feel that i will be valued after i am gone, and people will say.... she was such a _________ person. i want to feel valued without having to loose weight, without worrying about my hair, worrying about clothes, without proving that i'm competent, being accepted if i say no, and most importantly, tell someone off without feeling bad.
Lora: I'm Maggie's mom. Been loving your thoughts for a couple years and this one brought me out from behind the lurker's curtain.
I heartily echo the sentiments of the preceding comments.
Practice. All things are hard before they are easy. It takes lots and lots of practice to really believe and embrace one's individuality. It is more active than just "acceptance" of strengths and short-comings, but it doesn't hurt to start with telling yourself - and others, if they are bugging you - "I am perfectly acceptable just as I am right now." Because it's true.
Rant a little when necessary but then engage in positive action. Self-talk and self-care are powerful. We can stop "should-ing" on ourselves and be as gracious and kind to ourselves as we are to others. We are quick to encourage or care for others and we can do likewise for ourselves. But it takes practice to say, "Yes, I'll OWN that" when I am complimented (I say "thank you" to the complimentor, and "yes..." to myself). Also, it is not bragging to tell what you are good at when asked.
Ask and tell yourself all the time about the goodness you are and the goodness you are becoming. Open yourself and let the love in when others beam it in your direction.
Some people might think this all sounds kinda Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live, but that's OK. Al Franken is now a United States Senator from Minnesota.
Thanks. I feel better. I'll go back behind my lurker's curtain now.
Interesting topic.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one for me. I guess I've struggled with self-worth even in my childhood.
But I think it has to do with the self-pep-talks. What do you say to yourself? I usually tell myself that I can do this. I've done hard stuff before. I didn't just scrape by either- made it through with my head held high (much of the time) thus this (whatever it is at the moment) is no big deal. I'm hot, beautiful, caring, smart, clever and resourceful. So there.
Doesn't always sink in right away. Thick skull and all. It makes me think of YW lessons but how none of us wanted to say what we are good at (caring, smart etc) because it felt like bragging and that can be hurtful. Two edged sword. I think about how I am supposed to teach my boys to be self confident and feel the power of their own worth. Ian went through a phase recently where he was doubting his ability to do anything. He'd get all emotional and say "but I just can't do it Mom" to which I'd usually reply that he was good at such and such a task and he really should try. I didn't think I'd deal with it in a 4 year old but there ya have it.
Sorry for the epic comment.
I'm looking forward to seeing your thoughts on the subject.
I try to do my best, but alas, I fall short more often than I care to admit. To me, part of valuing yourself is being able to love yourself and forgive yourself when you make a mistake. Just like Maggie said, to give yourself a pep talk and say "it's okay, you can try to do better tomorrow" and then do just that, let go and try again. ;)
ReplyDeleteI agree with all that has been said so far. My thoughts on the subject? I think valuing myself also means believing in myself to do anything I set out to do. If I don't I usually don't get my goals even half way done. It all comes down to belief for me in addition to positive self pep talks. Belief gets us there. And if God believes in us and what we can be then so should we. I do still struggle with this sometimes but I am trying my best to remember it more often.
ReplyDeleteif i didn't know that i was truly a daughter of God, i would give up sometimes:
ReplyDeletei always thought that children would make me feel valued, but with my bunch????
i thought that teaching school would make me feel valued, but the expectations seem higher than i am able;
i often think that friends might make me feel more valued, but i always end up being the sound board; i feel that i will be valued after i am gone, and people will say.... she was such a _________ person. i want to feel valued without having to loose weight, without worrying about my hair, worrying about clothes, without proving that i'm competent, being accepted if i say no, and most importantly, tell someone off without feeling bad.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLora: I'm Maggie's mom. Been loving your thoughts for a couple years and this one brought me out from behind the lurker's curtain.
ReplyDeleteI heartily echo the sentiments of the preceding comments.
Practice. All things are hard before they are easy. It takes lots and lots of practice to really believe and embrace one's individuality. It is more active than just "acceptance" of strengths and short-comings, but it doesn't hurt to start with telling yourself - and others, if they are bugging you - "I am perfectly acceptable just as I am right now." Because it's true.
Rant a little when necessary but then engage in positive action.
Self-talk and self-care are powerful. We can stop "should-ing" on ourselves and be as gracious and kind to ourselves as we are to others. We are quick to encourage or care for others and we can do likewise for ourselves. But it takes practice to say, "Yes, I'll OWN that" when I am complimented (I say "thank you" to the complimentor, and "yes..." to myself). Also, it is not bragging to tell what you are good at when asked.
Ask and tell yourself all the time about the goodness you are and the goodness you are becoming. Open yourself and let the love in when others beam it in your direction.
Some people might think this all sounds kinda Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live, but that's OK. Al Franken is now a United States Senator from Minnesota.
Thanks. I feel better. I'll go back behind my lurker's curtain now.