I wish I had pictures, truly I do. Of course most of them would be of one thing. The one thing that I spend most of my time at. And that picture would include scrubs of varying shades.
Monday: Work. One day off the paper chain. One less person in the office.
Tuesday: I saw the foot doctor on Tuesday afternoon. I told the foot doctor the pain was still as true. And then the foot doctor he told me what to do. He said that... I needed an MRI.
Wednesday: There were interviews. Three to be precise. Three with a fourth waiting in the wings. So I went to the doctor. I mean why not. Nothing like a afternoon drive to SLC for the fertility specialist. It was a long day.
Thursday: One more interview. Check. Crazy lady who used the name of Catering for evil in an email leaving me with jaw gaping open in horror. Check. One surprising facebook status that sent me into tears and had me shutting the door to the conference room and weeping before regaining my composure. Check. Taking both a pregnancy test and an ovulation test at the same time because you don't know why you can't get a grip. Check. Both tests negative. Check. Three consecutive episodes of Grey's Anatomy (a guilty pleasure) and one bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream with caramel sauce for dinner. Check.
Friday: Something new! Nothing like an MRI first thing in the morning to get you going. Nothing like claustrophobia to lend a helping hand while staring down a tube. I slept. It was good. I won't know results until Wednesday. You know, because I need another doctor appointment.
Saturday: Another doctor appointment. Back to SLC for last round of IUI accompanied by a McGriddle breakfast. Sometimes you have to find your own perks. Home again home again jiggity jig, and then off to the Burns Supper which was really fun and tasty and great and I'm glad it's over. Oh, and one dancing proposition by a somewhat tipsy Scot. Fortunately I had a medical shoe to stave off his advances. And a husband. Phew.
Sunday: Blessed relief. Piano player called for the choir. Check. I no longer have to stress about learning to play things that are sometimes beyond my capabilities. Check. More ice cream. Check.
Hope your coming week is fan-freakin'-tastic!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Musical Thoughts
My first boyfriend, and my first kiss. This was "our" song. He wrote down the lyrics and sent them to me in note form. You know, back in the dark ages before text messaging, cell phones, or the internet. It was on paper and it was folded all neat like, a little rectangle with a flap that was tucked in for security purposes. Note folding was an art, as well as note writing. That's a story for another time though.
Firehouse. Love of a Lifetime.
That song still gets to me, even after all of this time. Weird. It must be something about that first love. That first someone that you kind of connect with.
He made me a mix tape. It had this song on it too.
I don't think it was meant to last.
Firehouse. Love of a Lifetime.
That song still gets to me, even after all of this time. Weird. It must be something about that first love. That first someone that you kind of connect with.
He made me a mix tape. It had this song on it too.
I don't think it was meant to last.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Things That Make Me Happy
Pennylu was a woman I met in St. Louis, MO while serving a mission for my church. She was awesome. She had Christmas in her basement all year round and Pepperidge Farm cookies everytime we went to see her.
She burst with life. She was the only 50ish-year old I knew who could outlast the energy of a toddler. She had a player piano and maracas. She had padded "butt-pants" for roller-blading. She had a poster on her bathroom wall entitled "Things That Make Me Happy"
I don't remember anything on that poster, but it inspired my companion and I to make one of our own. Through the years I have had several lists of things that make me happy. I can look at them and feel my spirits lift. It is time I make one again. This time I will share it with you.
There's a new page on this here blog if any of you care to look. It's my list. Some will make complete sense and some will leave you wondering. Rest assured though, all of them lift my spirits.
She burst with life. She was the only 50ish-year old I knew who could outlast the energy of a toddler. She had a player piano and maracas. She had padded "butt-pants" for roller-blading. She had a poster on her bathroom wall entitled "Things That Make Me Happy"
I don't remember anything on that poster, but it inspired my companion and I to make one of our own. Through the years I have had several lists of things that make me happy. I can look at them and feel my spirits lift. It is time I make one again. This time I will share it with you.
There's a new page on this here blog if any of you care to look. It's my list. Some will make complete sense and some will leave you wondering. Rest assured though, all of them lift my spirits.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Change: the Second
I went to the gym today after a really long hiatus. I made it 20 minutes in the elliptical and was only slightly better off than my last venture 1 week ago in which I wanted to cry just a little because my muscles had forgotten so much in the last three months. I persevered though. It wasn't the only thing I did but it was certainly the most taxing.
As I was there, I ran into someone I hadn't seen for quite some time. We exchanged short greetings, after all it was really early, I think it was before manners are fully awake, and then went about our business. As I left I saw that she was waiting for a tanning booth and I immediately began to judge. The dialogue in my head went something like this:
Huh. Tanning. Seriously? She's got kids, she needs to set an example. I can't believe how dedicated she's become to her body lately. I wonder if her marriage is in trouble? I bet she's not happy.
Immediately after those thoughts I felt really ugly. Not physically, but ugly on the inside. Ugly for judging. I hadn't been in contact with this person for almost 2 years. How on earth would I know what her life is like anymore? How would I know what her marriage is like. And more importantly, what gives me the right to even go there?!? And triply more important was the ugly little fact that all of that was just to cover up my feelings of jealousy because her dedication actually paid off! I'm pretty sure the envy monster reared it's ugly head and I said to it "you go! tear her down! how dare she succeed where I have failed!"
My goal for this year is moderation. Moderation in all things from how I spend my time to what I put in my mouth and in my head. Part of that is what I do with my body. How I treat it. What I decide to put into my body and how I decide to use it. What is it that I can do to be healthy. Not skinny, but healthy. To stop hating my body for whatever perceived excess I see and embrace what it can do. I mean, we're in it for the long haul, it's time I stop criticizing and embrace it for what it is. A gift from God.
On the other hand, my goal to be happy with who and what I am has had an unanticipated side effect. I call it the "Wow! I think I've stumbled on to something, why is everyone else wasting their time on this diet thing and how shallow is that! Puft!" effect, and then in my mind I walk off self-righteously because I have clearly progressed so far above them. Slaves to their bodies that they are. Puft!
And then I find myself sitting at the computer with my 4th handful of Pretzel M&Ms well on it's way to being consumed and I realize that boy howdy am I a mess!
So here I am, confessing my sins to the world and wondering how I am ever going to conquer the beast of myself. The beast of the sweet tooth. The beast that condemns others for not partaking with me.
While serving a mission for my church I had a moment of pure peace. The Lord had brought me to a point in my life where I had finally figured out that I had worth. That it didn't matter what anyone else thought, I knew that I was square with the Lord and nothing else mattered. I knew that God loved me, faults and all. During that time of inner-peace with myself, I accepted those around me without condemnation. I actually experienced unconditional love for them. Those I knew, those I didn't. It was wonderful. It was a time of building instead of tearing down. My body and soul were working together instead of fighting each other. Knowing that the Lord loved me with all of my faults let me know that He loved, and still does love, everyone that way. There was nothing left to condemn because we all needed His help. So why not help each other along the way and build things up instead of tearing them down.
I want that back. I know I can get it back, but it's going to take practice. I need to change myself. In the mission field I accepted my soul. I finally could forgive myself for my high school stupidity. I had carried it around for so long, never feeling as good as those around me. But the Lord helped me let it go. Now I need to do the same for my body. Accept it, faults and all. Love it, love-handles and all. And accept those around me regardless of shape or size. Children of God.
So my change the second is not quite as concrete as my change the first. However, it is just as important, well actually it's more important. I will change the way I think about my body and consequently the way I think about others'. I will strive to remember the lessons I've learned. I will banish body judgements. I will invite the Lord back into my life. Isn't that what it all boils down to? Remembering him in all things? I keep forgetting that we don't exactly pick and choose "all". All is all.
As I was there, I ran into someone I hadn't seen for quite some time. We exchanged short greetings, after all it was really early, I think it was before manners are fully awake, and then went about our business. As I left I saw that she was waiting for a tanning booth and I immediately began to judge. The dialogue in my head went something like this:
Huh. Tanning. Seriously? She's got kids, she needs to set an example. I can't believe how dedicated she's become to her body lately. I wonder if her marriage is in trouble? I bet she's not happy.
Immediately after those thoughts I felt really ugly. Not physically, but ugly on the inside. Ugly for judging. I hadn't been in contact with this person for almost 2 years. How on earth would I know what her life is like anymore? How would I know what her marriage is like. And more importantly, what gives me the right to even go there?!? And triply more important was the ugly little fact that all of that was just to cover up my feelings of jealousy because her dedication actually paid off! I'm pretty sure the envy monster reared it's ugly head and I said to it "you go! tear her down! how dare she succeed where I have failed!"
My goal for this year is moderation. Moderation in all things from how I spend my time to what I put in my mouth and in my head. Part of that is what I do with my body. How I treat it. What I decide to put into my body and how I decide to use it. What is it that I can do to be healthy. Not skinny, but healthy. To stop hating my body for whatever perceived excess I see and embrace what it can do. I mean, we're in it for the long haul, it's time I stop criticizing and embrace it for what it is. A gift from God.
On the other hand, my goal to be happy with who and what I am has had an unanticipated side effect. I call it the "Wow! I think I've stumbled on to something, why is everyone else wasting their time on this diet thing and how shallow is that! Puft!" effect, and then in my mind I walk off self-righteously because I have clearly progressed so far above them. Slaves to their bodies that they are. Puft!
And then I find myself sitting at the computer with my 4th handful of Pretzel M&Ms well on it's way to being consumed and I realize that boy howdy am I a mess!
So here I am, confessing my sins to the world and wondering how I am ever going to conquer the beast of myself. The beast of the sweet tooth. The beast that condemns others for not partaking with me.
While serving a mission for my church I had a moment of pure peace. The Lord had brought me to a point in my life where I had finally figured out that I had worth. That it didn't matter what anyone else thought, I knew that I was square with the Lord and nothing else mattered. I knew that God loved me, faults and all. During that time of inner-peace with myself, I accepted those around me without condemnation. I actually experienced unconditional love for them. Those I knew, those I didn't. It was wonderful. It was a time of building instead of tearing down. My body and soul were working together instead of fighting each other. Knowing that the Lord loved me with all of my faults let me know that He loved, and still does love, everyone that way. There was nothing left to condemn because we all needed His help. So why not help each other along the way and build things up instead of tearing them down.
I want that back. I know I can get it back, but it's going to take practice. I need to change myself. In the mission field I accepted my soul. I finally could forgive myself for my high school stupidity. I had carried it around for so long, never feeling as good as those around me. But the Lord helped me let it go. Now I need to do the same for my body. Accept it, faults and all. Love it, love-handles and all. And accept those around me regardless of shape or size. Children of God.
So my change the second is not quite as concrete as my change the first. However, it is just as important, well actually it's more important. I will change the way I think about my body and consequently the way I think about others'. I will strive to remember the lessons I've learned. I will banish body judgements. I will invite the Lord back into my life. Isn't that what it all boils down to? Remembering him in all things? I keep forgetting that we don't exactly pick and choose "all". All is all.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Weekly Review
This week I learned:
1. Eliptical machines do not hurt my foot!
2. It's been a long time since I've been on an eliptical.
3. It takes longer than I remember to get over being sore from getting on a eliptical.
4. No matter how good they are, I just can't eat tamales for every meal.
5. On Wednesday I had breakfast three times, but no lunch or dinner.
6. I mostly had breakfast for lunch because there was ham... I didn't get ham for breakfast breakfast and I wanted it desperately.
7. Breakfast dinner was just because I didn't want a tamale. I had cooked cereal instead. Cracked wheat. It reminded me of my Grandma Robbins.
8. I remembered that I really do enjoy Sunday school sometimes... not always, but sometimes it's great.
9. I also remembered that I like Relief Society too. Yea, same as above, not always but usually.
10. It is impossible to just eat one Pretzel M&M.
11. Not everyone likes Spades.
12. That makes me sad, the not everyone liking Spades.
13. Not all roasts are created equal... even in a crock pot.
14. Butter really does make everything better.
Have a marvelous week!
1. Eliptical machines do not hurt my foot!
2. It's been a long time since I've been on an eliptical.
3. It takes longer than I remember to get over being sore from getting on a eliptical.
4. No matter how good they are, I just can't eat tamales for every meal.
5. On Wednesday I had breakfast three times, but no lunch or dinner.
6. I mostly had breakfast for lunch because there was ham... I didn't get ham for breakfast breakfast and I wanted it desperately.
7. Breakfast dinner was just because I didn't want a tamale. I had cooked cereal instead. Cracked wheat. It reminded me of my Grandma Robbins.
8. I remembered that I really do enjoy Sunday school sometimes... not always, but sometimes it's great.
9. I also remembered that I like Relief Society too. Yea, same as above, not always but usually.
10. It is impossible to just eat one Pretzel M&M.
11. Not everyone likes Spades.
12. That makes me sad, the not everyone liking Spades.
13. Not all roasts are created equal... even in a crock pot.
14. Butter really does make everything better.
Have a marvelous week!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Hey, over here!
I'm over here today: Exceeding Expectations
I think you should come with me. Not just over there, but to the Burns Supper. It's fun. It's reasonably priced, and we could carpool. Or not. Up to you. But it will still be fun.
I think you should come with me. Not just over there, but to the Burns Supper. It's fun. It's reasonably priced, and we could carpool. Or not. Up to you. But it will still be fun.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Musical Thoughts... again!
I know, what is this rare phenomenon that is happening! I can't really be sure myself, I just feel the need to share in the awesomeness of the music that once was "the" music. Some mock it now, but it still speaks to my soul.
Oh how I love big hair! or did? or don't?
And how bout something a little more mellow.
Seriously, can you live without having known the Scorpions?
And last but not least, the song I worshipped from 8th grade on even though it really didn't fall into my time frame. Chicago really is just awesome though... especially for hormonal teenage girls who cling onto anything remotely sappy but will rather die than admit it.
Sad! Embedding disable, but you should check it out anyway, here's the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRfy1yorkec&ob=av2nm
Ah, love. And for the record, Peter Cetera was never good looking. Hope that doesn't offend anyone. Great voice though.
Oh how I love big hair! or did? or don't?
And how bout something a little more mellow.
Seriously, can you live without having known the Scorpions?
And last but not least, the song I worshipped from 8th grade on even though it really didn't fall into my time frame. Chicago really is just awesome though... especially for hormonal teenage girls who cling onto anything remotely sappy but will rather die than admit it.
Sad! Embedding disable, but you should check it out anyway, here's the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRfy1yorkec&ob=av2nm
Ah, love. And for the record, Peter Cetera was never good looking. Hope that doesn't offend anyone. Great voice though.
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