Hope... a 4 letter word.

I have the lyrics of the Beatles, "Hey Jude" going through my head right now. Perhaps it's because I recently watched "Across the Universe" and loved the soundtrack so much I went out and bought it. Or perhaps I like the slightly melancholy sound that the Beatles put into it. It's a reflective sound that can't help but be felt as well as heard.

"Hey jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better."

I believe it's the sad song that needs to be made better that my heart is dwelling on. As many of you know, David and I are having a difficult time having children... as evidenced by our complete lack thereof. It's definitely been a challenge and a bit heart-wrenching at times. I am not saying this to get anyone's pity, or make anyone feel like they have to put that consoling arm around me, but it does help in understanding the mood I am in today. It's also a bit weird to be putting this on the web where anyone can see it, but I have full confidence that those I consider to be friends are the only ones reading this anyway.

So... with that introduction, David and I have begun to hope again. We are going to a new doctor and going through those increasingly clinical "procedures" which are just so dang fun (please note the extreme sarcasm in which that is said), and we are beginning to hope again... which also means it's getting hard again. I read a bumper sticker once that said "I feel much better ever since I gave up hope." I had to laugh because sometimes that is so true! Your hopes are never dashed if you don't have them to begin with! I have spent the last year concentrating really hard on not hoping for certain things. Apparently I have slacked off because it has entered into my life once again. For the most part I am optimistic, but there are those days...