Censorship

Do you ever find yourself writing away and censoring your own work? I started this blog so that I could throw myself out to the cosmic wonders of the internet world and let my voice be heard. My thoughts, feelings, opinions, etc. I didn't care about structure or political correctness. It was my blog and I would write anything I dang well pleased.

Now I find myself wondering if what I say will be liked, read, taken seriously, jokingly, make me look a fool... then I realized that it's too late. My husband recently told a friend that she should read my blog because she would then get a greater insight into who I am. I'm not entirely sure what that means. I've never thought of myself as the type of person who hides her emotions or feelings, but then again, maybe I am.

My mother used to tell me that if I would just let my personality show then someone was bound to finally, at long last, fall in love with me and whisk me away into eternal marriage-bliss. I hated it when she said those kind of things. Like it was my fault that the boys weren't lining up to ask me out. I was doing the best I could. And believe it or not, those boys who did take the time to get to know me actually did fall for me... problem was I couldn't quite bring myself to fall for them. If marriage was all that was to be sought after then I could have had that taken care of years and years ago... I just wouldn't have been happy. Not that they weren't decent boys, some of them were very nice, but they just weren't the right match for me. There's so much more to life than to settle for the first thing that comes your way. Why not take your time, be picky, and create your own bliss?

I waited to get married. Not necessarily because I wanted to, but because the right guy simply hadn't come along. It wasn't easy to do. There were many days of wondering what was wrong with me. Was their some kind of fundamental error in my make-up that deemed me unworthy of marriage? Was I took picky? Had my ship come in and I had missed it? Was I doomed to wander the planet alone? I was even going to write a book about my dating trials. I was going to call it "But I Don't Want to be Like Sherry Dew"

Then David and I connected. We laughed together and we cried together. We are sometimes going through hell together. But at the end of it all, I get to be with him forever... in our own little world of teasing and laughing and getting over our misunderstandings bliss. David is my match. It's sometimes overwhelming to think that eternity is ours together. Makes all the rest of the trials we go through worth it.