Independence! My downfall.

I am fiercely independent, almost to a fault and especially when it comes to finances. When David and I were engaged we went to the store because I needed a few groceries and he tried to pay for them. I was appalled! I wouldn't let him do it. I had a job, I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself thank you very much! He was dumbfounded of course because we were getting married in one week, what was the big deal. He would more than likely be drinking some of that same milk. But somewhere deep down inside of me my need to hold on to my independence was coming forth. I wouldn't let him do it. As soon as the marriage vows were taken however I asked for the checkbook and haven't looked back since!

I'm not sure all the ways that this independence was drilled into me, but a good chunk is just plain stubborness (got that from both sides of my family) and another chunk is the way I grew up. For as long as I can remember I started earning money to pay for my needs. My brothers and sisters and myself all worked potato harvest in the fall to pay for our school cloths, class dues, dances, etc. We had the money and we had to make it last the year. Now we weren't always that good with it so towards the Spring we would run out. So then we'd take the odd jobs around the house to get extra income. We cleaned the long cupboard which was worth $2-3, the Primary cupboard $2-3, and the fridge which was always worth more cause it was usually disgusting. In the summer I mowed lawns for income. I think somewhere along the line I believed that a responsible person pays for their own stuff, the end.

But that was a long time ago, surely none of that matters now. Not so. I think that I may have recently frustrated/offended my mother-in-law. I didn't mean to. I have felt so blessed to marry into such a great family. From the first day we've all pretty much gotten along. But you know how when you start dating someone you are always on your best behavior lest they see the ugly side of you? And then eventually it all comes out and you just hope that the guy is already trapped into liking you enough to see past all that bad stuff. We'll my best behavior is wearing off. I admit, it's been a shock that it would even happen, I mean it's not like we spend a lot of time in Hurricane. So either I'm much more comfortable around the fam or I really am not a nice person. I prefer the first.

So, back to my mother-in-law. We went to Wal-Mart the day after Christmas to pick up a few things. One was a game called Rage. She was getting one for Sophie and herself. She asked me if I wanted one and I said no. She asked a few more times about the game and other things and I kept saying no. The only thing I would let her buy was cold medicine for David.

I've thought about this a lot since it occurred. Why on earth did I put up such a fight for a $4.00 game! All she wanted to do was buy something for me and I was too stubborn to let it happen and it was for silly reasons. You see, the first time I said "no" it was an automatic response that I didn't even think about. After that it was a matter of pride. I'd already given my answer, stop trying to make me change it! "Change is for weaklings who don't know what they want! Sure I may not know what I want but I will die before I let you know that! Whaa ha ha haa!" I am completely ridiculous!

But Cynthia, if it helps, this is how the moment would have went with my mother:

"I'm getting a game for your sister, do you want one?"

"No thanks" (the automatic response)

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." (Not really, I've thought about it and it looks quite fun.)

"It's a fun game and I'm buying."

"Really, its' fine." (Now I really do want it, I'll come back someday and buy it myself)

"What if I got it for you as part of your birthday present?"

"Well, I guess that could work."

"Let me buy it for you for your birthday."

"Okay, I'll take it!"

What's worse is that sometimes we both want the same thing and we actually buy it for each other, all the while calling it a part of a birthday or Christmas gift, and exchange it in the car. For some reason that makes it alright.