Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent

So today was an interesting day.  Went to work, full of the usual work-related stuff.  Had a few meetings, harrassed people about payment, tried to un-bury my desk.  You know, the usual.  At least that was the way it started.  Then we had "the meeting". 

This wasn't just any meeting.  This was a behavior meeting.  A meeting instituted by two specimens of the male gender in efforts to straighten out the wayward women in the office. There's too much history to repeat now and frankly I have no desire.  It tires me to even think about explaining the office dynamics at this point and I doubt anyone could really understand it unless they spent some time there.  Suffice it to say an office space is shared by people who's jobs coordinate with each other but don't fall under the same boss/leadership.  Different ideas, different agendas... same work space.  Difficult.

Meeting: Despite good attempt, it has been confirmed that men just do not understand women whether in the work place or out of the work place, it just ain't happenin'. 

You know it's bad when the men make a reference to Festivus and the 'airing of grievances' right at the beginning.  It's like they wanted to see a cat fight or something.  Fortunately we didn't satisfy. 

I know that all was meant well and for the good of the whole.  But really?? So many reasons why I love my job.   sigh...

Toilet Texting

Okay, admit it.  Most of you are grossed out but like a train wreck you just have to keep watching/reading. 

I work at Utah State University in the Catering office.  Conveniently located on the second floor of the Taggart Student Center where all the action happens.  My office also just happens to be across the hall from the rest room that also functions as a mother's lounge (lactation station)/dressing room/there's-clearly-no-better-place-to-sleep-than-in-here.  I suppose in fairness there are two over-stuffed black leatherish couches in there.  Why?  Seriously, no idea.  But there are several other places on campus I can think of to take a quick snooze that don't involve other people's bodily functions and the hearing thereof.

This restroom has provided many an office discussion.  Like the time there was a couple of girls looking up each other's noses while lying in each other's laps.  Or the TP vandalist who would fill entire toilets full of tp so they wouldn't flush and then just leave. Structurally speaking, my favorite feature is the tile floor that earily resembles a half played minesweeper field.  It's all I can do sometimes not to flag the bombs and declare victory.  But enough.

So, as I was visiting the rest room this fine March day I noticed the sounds of texting coming from the stall next to me.  That's right, texting.  I couldn't help but think how irresponsible this was.  Seriously.  Laws have been passed outlawing texting while driving because it causes too much distraction on the road.  I shudder to think what would happen if one were distracted in the bathroom!  Sure it looks harmless enough.  You even have the illusion of control.  But one slip is all it takes to send your phone plunging to where no one will go after it.  All your unmemorized numbers, your cool apps, music, pictures... all gone because you just had to text someone while on the pot.  Like it was all that urgent in the first place.  What could possibly not wait until you are finished and away from the swirling death?!  I mean, are you out of toilet paper and texting for help?  Fallen and can't get out?  Play by play on twitter?  Seriously people, just put it away.

Say Anything

This is my husband.

He is the John Cusack of my world. 

David's blog post is the modern day equivalent of standing outside the house of the woman you love and letting the boombox do the talking.  The woman doesn't know what to make of it.  She cringes at the exposed underbelly.  It's so public.  He's so exposed.  Anyone can stumble upon the trials in the relationship, the trials that were meant to stay behind closed doors.  The trials that would have stayed behind closed doors if the woman wasn't so obstinate.  What chance does he have at rectifying the situation unless he opens himself up for ridicule in the most public way possible.  She feels guit because after all it was her refusal to accept the apology that has brought him so low.  He stands.  He takes the boombox, he turns it up loud and he waits.

Her heart melts.  She rushes to his side.  Throws her arms around him and apologizes for her own stubborness.  If there was a sunset they would be walking into it.  Instead they go into the house, put on some music, make some dinner, and dance around the kitchen with two left feet laughing the whole time.

Life is good isn't it.

I, David, am a nerd and a jerk

I hope I don't surprise anyone too much with my appearance here. This has been Lora's blog for a long time, but she somehow thought it would be OK if I were to contribute now and then. I have had permission to post for a while, but just haven't had much to say, until now.

First, the reason I am a nerd. I have had to accept the fact. I like nerdy things. I am in graduate school for math, I know a lot of trivial things and share those things all the time, whether this information is welcome or not. About the only thing that keeps me from going on and on is when one of our friends mentions, "Oh yeah, you are a spermologist!". Besides the word being like a brick thrown at me because it doesn't sound like something you would say in polite company, it is the fact that spermologist is slang for knowing tons of trivia. I even looked it up, further incriminating my nerdyness.

But the reason it is on my mind is because of last night, why I am a nerd. Please bear with me. My new position at work is Analyst for production systems. At least, that is the position I am working towards. They gave me an intermediate position until I got up to speed with some things, mostly programming. One of the languages that I should learn is call Python. From my programming experience in the past, doing a small project is usually the best way to learn, so I chose something I thought would be fun enough to keep me going. I am going to write a game based on the Settler's of Catan board game. I know, I know, pretty nerdy already, but it gets worse. A computer game made by the company has already been written and is available online. So, to try to remember all of the things I would have to do to write this, I played the online version a couple of times last night before bed. Even when I went to bed, I kept on having what variables I would have to declare, how they would interact, how to keep track of everything. It took me a bit for my mind to go to sleep.

Yup, I am totally and unequivocally, a nerd!

So, why am I a jerk too? Well, I'm not always a jerk. But sometimes, my jerkyness does come out. Again, last night is a good example. So there I am on the couch playing a game before bedtime. In my mind it is important and research. But all I am really doing is playing a game. Lora tells me she is tired and something about falling asleep for the 3rd time as she reads the same paragraph in her book. I didn't catch it very well because I was engrossed in my game.

She asks me, I think, if I am coming to bed with her. I don't even remember what I said as I paid no attention and continued on with the game. Anyway, I finish the game and put things away and go to bed. The first sign, at least to me, that all is not well is that the door is shut and all of the lights are out in the bedroom. I don't know why, but for some reason I thought she would be there reading still because it wasn't that late yet. I realize that I did mess up some, because we have a routine and if I do stay up later than Lora, I usually say prayers and read scriptures with her before she goes to sleep. I missed it last night.

It wasn't until morning when Lora confesses that she is still mad at me. That she was so mad at me last night that she locked the door for a while until she thought what good is that going to do in the long run. She had even thought about throwing my pillow and stuff outside the door to let me know where I should sleep.

Hmmm... Oh! Wow! I am a jerk! I don't know if I am a jerk, more for paying no attention last night and barely looking up from the laptop. That is being a pretty big jerk. Or was it worse that I didn't realize it, being clueless until the next morning. I don't know. You will have to tell me.

I Heart Primary March 14th edition

Teacher:  Who knows what the prophet Nephi did for us?

Child 1: He cut off Laban's head.
Child 2: We have that movie!
Child 3: We have a commercial of that movie!
Back to C1: It didn't show Laban's head in the movie though.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Teacher:  What did Joseph Smith translate for us?
eerie silence
Teacher:  Translate means to take something in a language we don't understand and put it into a language we do understand.  So, what is it that Joseph Smith translated for us?

Child:  English!!

Vegas... do we really get along?

Some of you may or may not know that I am currently spending my time in the city of sin.  Yes, I have hung my my hat temporarily in Las Vegas. 

My view out the window:

I am here because of this:

and will be here till Thursday afternoon when we fly out.

We flew in on Sunday and being bored out of my mind I finished this:

I quite enjoyed it though I was apprehensive about how it would turn out but that's for another day.

Monday night brought us here:

It was a lot like this:

We were there till midnight.  This morning this helped:

Imagine what it would have been like if I was a drinker!

Speaking of drinking.  There's a fridge in the room but it has this on it:

Which is a shame because of this:

Though I didn't pack a supply of bottled water I did pack this:

and it has helped immensely.

In summary:

The goods and bads of Lora in a Las Vegas night club:

Positives:

#1.  If I went into cardiac arrest the beat of the music would have resuscitated me.

#2.  I was the only sober person so I knew the cover band stunk.

#3.  It's fun to watch unattractive, overweight, older women gush at younger men.

#4.  I actually remember the entire night.

Negatives:

#1.  I actually remember the entire night.

#2.  No one dances unless they are drunk.

#3.  I wear too much cloth on my body to fit in properly.

#4.  I kept on trying to turn into a pumpkin at 10 o'clock.

all in all I still have this on my face:

Look into my crystal ball...

Are you tired of not knowing what's around the corner?


Sick of making plans only to have something unforseen gunk them all up?


Well wait no more! Yesirree my friends, your future is about to be revealed.  The EBOFC is the ticket to win.  With this newly found no-fail system your future can be revealed.  Know when it's best to plan those get togethers.  Find out how to avoid high stress situations before they happen.


Here's how it works.  Think of a question, something you really want to know.  Now chant it quietly to yourself.  Focus.  Don't let anything distract you.  Are you ready? 


Your answer is...
"You will always be surrounded by friends when you need them."


I know, you are amazed!  Let's try it again.


Got your question?  Chanting?  Focused?


Your answer is...
"Something on four wheels will soon be a fun investment for you!"


Please, please, hold your applause.  Your amazed!  Mystified!  Dying to try it again!  Chant it out loud and clear this time baby!!


The answer is!....
"An unexpected even will soon make your life more exciting."


Never before has life been so easy for you!  The EBOFC is the answer! 


Just what is the EBOFC you ask?  How can you get it?  Simple my friends.  All you have to do is rummage through the Primary closet long enough and you can find your very own Expired Box Of Fortune Cookies!  Crack 'em open and your future can be revealed too! 


I know mine was:
"You create your own stage and your audience is waiting!"


Words to live by my friends.


May fortune smile upon you.

(Not valid in all 50 states.  Licensing requirements and fees may apply.  Headdress and gypsy jewelry sold seperately)