Hi Honey, It's 7 o'clock, am I safe? or My Life on Drugs

I write this journal in hopes that someone will benefit from where I have been, that those who follow me may have a road map to guide their footsteps. (sounds of the rainforest in the background, mosquitoes buzzing around, me wiping the sweat off my face and nobly looking towards the future... and the sunset... and the angry natives...)

Friday April 29th:
Am able to proceed with Lupron injections.  Find myself very nervous.  Close to breaking out in a cold sweat but manage to stick myself with the needle.  Is not that bad.  In fact barely felt it. Relieved and a little shaky I go to bed wondering how I'll be in the morning.

Saturday April 30th:
Find myself semi nauseous in the morning.  More sensitive to stupid things.  Strange desire to arm-wrestle my husband into submission for the offense of waking up in the morning.  Have family coming to spend the day.  Sense a pattern developing.  Nightly injection hurt this time. And itched.

Sunday May 1st:
Definite pattern developing.  Am able to see a trend.  No time to write, have to arm-wrestle husband and find something with chocolate in it.  3rd dose didn't hurt.  Is this some kind of joke?

Monday May 2nd:
Feel it necessary to outline pattern for those who may follow in my footsteps or have an urge to visit un-announced.

6-7 am:  wake up and feel a bit nauseous but still okay

7:30 am:  doing okay until husband talks to me then have sudden urge to rip head off

7:31 am: suppress urge, put up a hand, and ask if that question/comment is really necessary

7:32 am: husband backs away slowly with soothing voice and takes question/comment back

8:00 am: husband attempts to go to work, I ignore him till he does

8:30 am: overwhelmed by hunger pangs and eat anything I can find for breakfast (or second breakfast as the case may be)

8:45 am:  day proceeds normally as long as there are no unforeseen interruptions

12:00-3:00 pm: have uncontrollable urge to cry at everything including commercials on the radio, songs that have anything to do with sentimentality or violence or that have words or instruments in them

4:00 pm: doing pretty good.  Waterworks have stopped and smile is on the face

7:00 pm:  nausea returns and irritation at everything comes in full force.  Husband walks on egg shells, sometimes ignoring me for his own safety.  But then again ignoring me causes further irritation and irrational thinking and might not be that safe either

7:30 pm: large dose of chocolate is consumed

7:32 pm:  feeling better but watch your step

9:00 pm:  life is good and rational conversation is possible

9:30 pm: another dose of chocolate for own safety

10:00 pm: take another shot and go to bed

Okay, seriously though.  It's kind of interesting how it follows a pattern, and I'm not really crazy all the time.  But it is a little freaky how out-of-control and irritated that I feel sometimes.  I  know it's the drugs that are causing it but just see if I can do anything about it!  Man may as well put forth his arm to stop the mighty Mississippi from flowing!  It really does follow a schedule though.  So much that when 7 pm approaches I start getting out the chocolate.

I don't think this affects everyone the same way either.  I happen to be uber-sensitive to drugs.  Half the dose of Dayquil does me in.  So birth control and injections... yeah.  Can't wait till they add more!  I'm gonna have to buy chocolate in bulk!

ps. I just realized that I didn't officially say that we're okay to go forward with all of this!  David, who gets uber-brownie points in heaven, did many a phone call between doctors office and insurance and was finally able to get things straightened out.  We found out late Friday afternoon that we could go forward.  So yeah... nothing like a late update!