10. You have time to make a list.
9. You notice when they've changed a billboard.
8. You've read an entire book on travel time alone.
7. Skipping work isn't fun anymore.
6. In fact you try to make it home in record time so you can get some work done.
5. You start packing a lunch so you don't have to eat out.
4. Ikea is no longer appealing.
3. Your gas budget has tripled.
2. You mark your time by the roadkill that is still there.
1. I'm sick of Rachel Ray and I don't even have TV! (for some reason she's always on at the doctor's office.)
There you have it folks!
On a side note, everything is going grand! Lefty picked up the slack and more than made up for the brother of Bob on the right. 11 eggs my friends, 11. We were hoping for 4. My doctor calls me a late bloomer... like that's news. So we're more than likely to finish up on Tuesday.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Too Much Information?
Sometimes I wonder if I divulge to much information on here. You know, of the sort that makes people uncomfortable. When I say things like "fertility" and "eggs" and "injections" and stuff. I have actually been thinking about this for awhile. I know there are some people close to me that would feel extremely uncomfortable reading about such things and get all awkward and stuff. Sometimes I find myself in a situation when I get told something that is a little out there and I find myself having trouble finding a place to rest my eyes. (that hasn't happened in absolute ages by the way.)
And then I thought to myself "Why am I so comfortable with this?" because let's face it, I didn't used to be comfortable talking about infertility. That was something private. It was going to be a short struggle until David and I got things figured out. And then things just stretched out. And there were "procedures" and "operations" and drugs and general craziness. The months turned in to a year, the year turned into 5 and now I'm an open book. And I'm glad for it (the open book thing, not the 5 years).
I am comfortable talking about it because right now it is my life. Not all of it of course. I am perfectly capable of having conversations that have nothing to do with children. In fact sometimes I want to have a discussion that has absolutely nothing to do with fertility. Not because it's too hard, but because I'm plum warn out on that topic of conversation! There's a lot more to life right now than our "trial". And in just a few days, it should be less consuming. Because in a few days this IVF process will come to it's conclusion.
Thursday I go in for egg retrieval, Sunday or Tuesday we go in for the transfer depending on how "petri dish love" goes. And then we wait. Just like normal people do. We wait for evidence of success or failure. There's a test, a blood draw, and then we know whether we get our own biological kids or if our family really will be adopted. I am not in any way shape or form opposed to adoption, but we had to see this route through. Knowing that there are options out there that hadn't been explored... well, it would have continued to eat me up. I would have always wondered. And now we'll know.
As a side note but really related. I once wrote a post about socks. Someone anonymously commented with "too much info". They had no idea did they!
Enjoy the sunshine my friends. It's a glorious reprieve and I'm certain the rain will come again. Just not today.
And then I thought to myself "Why am I so comfortable with this?" because let's face it, I didn't used to be comfortable talking about infertility. That was something private. It was going to be a short struggle until David and I got things figured out. And then things just stretched out. And there were "procedures" and "operations" and drugs and general craziness. The months turned in to a year, the year turned into 5 and now I'm an open book. And I'm glad for it (the open book thing, not the 5 years).
I am comfortable talking about it because right now it is my life. Not all of it of course. I am perfectly capable of having conversations that have nothing to do with children. In fact sometimes I want to have a discussion that has absolutely nothing to do with fertility. Not because it's too hard, but because I'm plum warn out on that topic of conversation! There's a lot more to life right now than our "trial". And in just a few days, it should be less consuming. Because in a few days this IVF process will come to it's conclusion.
Thursday I go in for egg retrieval, Sunday or Tuesday we go in for the transfer depending on how "petri dish love" goes. And then we wait. Just like normal people do. We wait for evidence of success or failure. There's a test, a blood draw, and then we know whether we get our own biological kids or if our family really will be adopted. I am not in any way shape or form opposed to adoption, but we had to see this route through. Knowing that there are options out there that hadn't been explored... well, it would have continued to eat me up. I would have always wondered. And now we'll know.
As a side note but really related. I once wrote a post about socks. Someone anonymously commented with "too much info". They had no idea did they!
Enjoy the sunshine my friends. It's a glorious reprieve and I'm certain the rain will come again. Just not today.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Monday Photo
I once went to a Chris LeDoux concert and I loved it. It was awhile ago, obviously, and I went with roommates. It was Erica's birthday and that's what she wanted to do. We went to Ruby River for a steak before hand because it just seemed fitting. At the concert Chris pulled out all the favorites. Some I knew, some I didn't. But some I absolutely loved. "Western Skies", "County Fair", and "Look at You Girl".
April leaned over and asked if I had fallen in love before at the county fair. As it turned out I had. Several times. Then she said "I bet these songs just speak to your country girl heart?" and you know what, the answer they did. Country will always be in me no matter where I live. It's my roots. It's why as a semi-photographer I have an obsession with old buildings, fence lines, herds of cows. They speak to my country girl heart.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Progression... kind of
This week:
1. I have been to Salt Lake and back twice. Each time for a doctor's appointment. Each time to know we are right on track except for...
2. Remember "Bob" and his nasty little brother "George". Turns out George is still there, which we knew. Which doesn't surprise me. A. Bit. But he has hindered my right side, so it's up to my left ovary to make good on deal. To respond with wit and charm and productivity to my nightly drug cocktail. So that we can...
3. Spend Sunday and Monday and probably Tuesday and Wednesday and next Saturday in Salt Lake again. Yep, moving right along keeps us moving right along! Can someone please invent a safe auto-pilot for our car that can be installed tomorrow? Thanks.
4. Last Saturday we pulled a lot of trees out of the yard. And by "we" I mean David did all the work and I drove the truck. 4 loads to the green waste pile at the Logan Landfill. 4 large loads. So much more to go. Feels good to be moving forward though so we can...
5. Put in a raised garden in our front yard. We don't play in our front yard. Seems a shame to waste good sun on grass that we hate to mow. So a raised garden it will be. If it ever stops raining that is.
I know there's more my friends. So much more. Laughing, sharing, crying. But right now I'm tired. So very tired. My doctor says that it's one of the side effects of Lupron but it doesn't usually effect too many people. We've always known I'm not one of the "many" though. And that's okay.
Have a lovely weekend my friends.
1. I have been to Salt Lake and back twice. Each time for a doctor's appointment. Each time to know we are right on track except for...
2. Remember "Bob" and his nasty little brother "George". Turns out George is still there, which we knew. Which doesn't surprise me. A. Bit. But he has hindered my right side, so it's up to my left ovary to make good on deal. To respond with wit and charm and productivity to my nightly drug cocktail. So that we can...
3. Spend Sunday and Monday and probably Tuesday and Wednesday and next Saturday in Salt Lake again. Yep, moving right along keeps us moving right along! Can someone please invent a safe auto-pilot for our car that can be installed tomorrow? Thanks.
4. Last Saturday we pulled a lot of trees out of the yard. And by "we" I mean David did all the work and I drove the truck. 4 loads to the green waste pile at the Logan Landfill. 4 large loads. So much more to go. Feels good to be moving forward though so we can...
5. Put in a raised garden in our front yard. We don't play in our front yard. Seems a shame to waste good sun on grass that we hate to mow. So a raised garden it will be. If it ever stops raining that is.
I know there's more my friends. So much more. Laughing, sharing, crying. But right now I'm tired. So very tired. My doctor says that it's one of the side effects of Lupron but it doesn't usually effect too many people. We've always known I'm not one of the "many" though. And that's okay.
Have a lovely weekend my friends.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
For My Mother and What She Did to Me
What, I can't post this late? My blog, my rules.
Mother's Day, the day to celebrate motherhood, the day to make all the other mothers out there feel guilty for not being as good as the mothers that are being talked about. The day for mothers who are being talked about to wonder when their children became so eloquent. And the day that exists for mothers to be put upon a pedestal in which she will inevitably fall off. (all in all, those of us without children might not have it that bad... so far I have zero guilt for messing up anyone's frail childhood and stunting their creative growth because I didn't let them take Tap for Two-year Olds. huh.)
Mother's Day to me has always been about my mom. She's wonderful. She's not perfect though and that's part of why she is so wonderful. In fact she's the first one that pointed out that Mother's day isn't always so fun for women whether they have children or not. In fact it usually left her with a fair amount of guilt because she "clearly didn't raise her children near as well as so-and-so did". (Which is not true because I know so-and-so's children and what they did last summer!) So, she usually came home with guilt and a flower to kill before the end of the week. But I digress.
My mother. Never was I so shocked when I came home from my mission to find out that in finding myself I was more like her than ever before. I mean hello! I had spent 18 months away from the woman. I had really and truly found myself! And I liked myself. I was fun and witty and saying things exactly like she did... drat! I was a little troubled at first, and then I found it not so bad. I mean, people like my mother. In fact when I was in high school she was more popular than I was! (She played the piano for the plays and everyone liked her.) She was fun. Still is. And together we are fun.
There are a few things that will endear me to her forever though. First. The mission field.
I had a companion. She was a little, shall we say "overboard" on the rules. She was stressed. She was drama. She was trying my patience. My mother had kindly sent me a Disney tape (I know, 'tape' dates me) with things like "Let's Get Together" and "The Ugly Bug Ball" and "A Whole New World". It was p-day. I put it in to listen to while I cleaned the house. My companion went a little crazy. In fact she locked herself in the closet with another tape player with hymns going as loud as the little player could go.
I was stunned. I kind of sat there for a minute and just blinked. Then I laughed (that's just the way I am) and lacking anyone else to tell I wrote it in my letter to home going out that very day.
It was my mother who gave me those wise words of calm and reason so I could deal with such a thing. It was my mother who saw the situation for what is was and knew just how to help her struggling daughter with this well-meaning but slightly off balance missionary. Yes, it was my mother who shared these words of wisdom with me:
"Do you think if I sent some Metallica she would melt?"
And that about sums it up. They were the perfect words. I love my mother. She's fun. She's a bit crazy. She makes me laugh. And most of all she puts up with all the drama her kids heap upon her. And believe me, the power of 7 (and spouses and children) combined can really pile up on a person. But she handles it with grace, and dignity, and prayers, and snark. Good woman that.
And on a side note: thank you to all the wonderful friends and women out there who brought me chocolate on Mother's day! Nothing heals the soul like chocolate. Oh and good friends. And good company. And belated mother's day gifts that might just be a Nook (yeah!)
Life is good my friends. Life is good.
Mother's Day, the day to celebrate motherhood, the day to make all the other mothers out there feel guilty for not being as good as the mothers that are being talked about. The day for mothers who are being talked about to wonder when their children became so eloquent. And the day that exists for mothers to be put upon a pedestal in which she will inevitably fall off. (all in all, those of us without children might not have it that bad... so far I have zero guilt for messing up anyone's frail childhood and stunting their creative growth because I didn't let them take Tap for Two-year Olds. huh.)
Mother's Day to me has always been about my mom. She's wonderful. She's not perfect though and that's part of why she is so wonderful. In fact she's the first one that pointed out that Mother's day isn't always so fun for women whether they have children or not. In fact it usually left her with a fair amount of guilt because she "clearly didn't raise her children near as well as so-and-so did". (Which is not true because I know so-and-so's children and what they did last summer!) So, she usually came home with guilt and a flower to kill before the end of the week. But I digress.
My mother. Never was I so shocked when I came home from my mission to find out that in finding myself I was more like her than ever before. I mean hello! I had spent 18 months away from the woman. I had really and truly found myself! And I liked myself. I was fun and witty and saying things exactly like she did... drat! I was a little troubled at first, and then I found it not so bad. I mean, people like my mother. In fact when I was in high school she was more popular than I was! (She played the piano for the plays and everyone liked her.) She was fun. Still is. And together we are fun.
There are a few things that will endear me to her forever though. First. The mission field.
I had a companion. She was a little, shall we say "overboard" on the rules. She was stressed. She was drama. She was trying my patience. My mother had kindly sent me a Disney tape (I know, 'tape' dates me) with things like "Let's Get Together" and "The Ugly Bug Ball" and "A Whole New World". It was p-day. I put it in to listen to while I cleaned the house. My companion went a little crazy. In fact she locked herself in the closet with another tape player with hymns going as loud as the little player could go.
I was stunned. I kind of sat there for a minute and just blinked. Then I laughed (that's just the way I am) and lacking anyone else to tell I wrote it in my letter to home going out that very day.
It was my mother who gave me those wise words of calm and reason so I could deal with such a thing. It was my mother who saw the situation for what is was and knew just how to help her struggling daughter with this well-meaning but slightly off balance missionary. Yes, it was my mother who shared these words of wisdom with me:
"Do you think if I sent some Metallica she would melt?"
And that about sums it up. They were the perfect words. I love my mother. She's fun. She's a bit crazy. She makes me laugh. And most of all she puts up with all the drama her kids heap upon her. And believe me, the power of 7 (and spouses and children) combined can really pile up on a person. But she handles it with grace, and dignity, and prayers, and snark. Good woman that.
And on a side note: thank you to all the wonderful friends and women out there who brought me chocolate on Mother's day! Nothing heals the soul like chocolate. Oh and good friends. And good company. And belated mother's day gifts that might just be a Nook (yeah!)
Life is good my friends. Life is good.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday Photos
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Guess what came in the mail...
It's kind of a big box huh. Does not bode well.
I call these the "Big Damn Needles". It's alright if it's in quotes right? That's all I have to say about that.
Something to look forward too....
Starting some of this on Friday. Perhaps I'll just hide under the covers.
Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
To Tweet or not to Tweet...
Remember when I told you I was going to do Write Words Weekend every Wednesday? Well wouldn't you know it as soon as I commit then something happens. She's taking this weekend off. What's the deal with that. So I have a question for all of you wonderful people out there.
Twitter.
1. Do you use it? Why or why not?
2. Do you like it? Why or why not?
3. What do you do with it?
I'm going to start my own Twitter account not because I'm oh so into it, but because I need to research it out for work to see if it's something that would be right for Dining Services. I myself have never used it. I just created a profile and it took me way too long to even get the stupid picture to upload. So I need some feeback from those of you who have or haven't and your thoughts on it.
Help!!!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Monday Photo
Friday, May 6, 2011
In Review
A list:
1. My bread pudding is better than Aggy's bread pudding.
2. Chocolate comes close to curing everything but doesn't quite make it all the time.
3. I have been blessed to know some of the best women/friends EVER.
4. I never thought I would laugh so hard when someone says "I have mono!"
5. My entire front flower bed is a disguise for tree roots.
6. I am glad that I have a husband with determination because I'm pretty sure he can wage a decent war on said tree root.
7. I really really really want real patio furniture.
8. I hate it when friends leave. grrr. double grrrr.
9. I have finally decided to start cooking again and it feels pretty darn good!
10. David is glad.
11. It's one of the few things he's glad about lately because his wife is insane.
12. I suppose you just have to take what you can get.
Love to you all. Peace out!
1. My bread pudding is better than Aggy's bread pudding.
2. Chocolate comes close to curing everything but doesn't quite make it all the time.
3. I have been blessed to know some of the best women/friends EVER.
4. I never thought I would laugh so hard when someone says "I have mono!"
5. My entire front flower bed is a disguise for tree roots.
6. I am glad that I have a husband with determination because I'm pretty sure he can wage a decent war on said tree root.
7. I really really really want real patio furniture.
8. I hate it when friends leave. grrr. double grrrr.
9. I have finally decided to start cooking again and it feels pretty darn good!
10. David is glad.
11. It's one of the few things he's glad about lately because his wife is insane.
12. I suppose you just have to take what you can get.
Love to you all. Peace out!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Musical Thoughts: Dedicated to Grace Idaho Potato Crew of Days Gone By
For better of for worse, we had themes for potato harvest each year. It was for the high school Harvester Crew which consisted of 3 sometimes 4 girls, our personalities, and a tape deck installed by none other than my dad because he was soooo cool! Best. Boss. Ever. (And I really mean that too!)
Don't judge me. I still love this song. I still sing it to my cousin who was on harvester crew with me. We sing it to each other. We know all the lyrics and it's filled with love. I know there were others, but I just don't think they held the place in our hearts like this one.
Don't judge me. I still love this song. I still sing it to my cousin who was on harvester crew with me. We sing it to each other. We know all the lyrics and it's filled with love. I know there were others, but I just don't think they held the place in our hearts like this one.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Just a Little Breeze
I sit outside in the warm Spring sunshine. Listening to the birds in the trees. Feeling the warmth in my toes and on the top of my head. Content.
My thoughts blown about by the slight breeze of the morning. It reminds me of days spent in the mountains. Hiking by myself. I spent a good portion of one summer hiking the trails of Logan Canyon by myself. I wasn’t worried or afraid. I looked forward to the solitude that the canyon offered. I chose trails that I knew well. Trails that weren’t deserted so if I really did need help, I’d only have to sit and wait. Someone would be along.
I always took a book and my journal and a camera. I would find a quiet location and sit and ponder. Everything from the beauty that surrounded me to where I was going with my life. What I had to look forward to, what I needed to change. Mostly I focused on living in that moment. Writing my thoughts down, unedited, as they came. Finding pleasure in writing for the sake of writing. I took those simple moments home with me. Later if I wanted to I could open my journal again and go back to that spot, that moment in time where I was completely at peace. Content.
I don’t usually take the time to think about those days. To sit and let my mind wander where it will. Life is too packed, too busy, too scheduled. But not today. Today I sit in the sunshine and feel the breeze lift my hair and remember what it’s like to be happy. To be content.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I have decided to dedicate Wednesdays to the Write Words Weekend thought up and crafted by DeNae Handy. I love her blog "My Real Life Was Backordered" and she's got a writing blog as well. I want to improve my writing and what better way than having limited topics to choose from. I may even have to make stuff up to fulfill the assignment. Overall I think it will help me write outside the box and stretch my skillz... that is if I can find them in time. Thanks for reading!
My thoughts blown about by the slight breeze of the morning. It reminds me of days spent in the mountains. Hiking by myself. I spent a good portion of one summer hiking the trails of Logan Canyon by myself. I wasn’t worried or afraid. I looked forward to the solitude that the canyon offered. I chose trails that I knew well. Trails that weren’t deserted so if I really did need help, I’d only have to sit and wait. Someone would be along.
I always took a book and my journal and a camera. I would find a quiet location and sit and ponder. Everything from the beauty that surrounded me to where I was going with my life. What I had to look forward to, what I needed to change. Mostly I focused on living in that moment. Writing my thoughts down, unedited, as they came. Finding pleasure in writing for the sake of writing. I took those simple moments home with me. Later if I wanted to I could open my journal again and go back to that spot, that moment in time where I was completely at peace. Content.
I don’t usually take the time to think about those days. To sit and let my mind wander where it will. Life is too packed, too busy, too scheduled. But not today. Today I sit in the sunshine and feel the breeze lift my hair and remember what it’s like to be happy. To be content.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I have decided to dedicate Wednesdays to the Write Words Weekend thought up and crafted by DeNae Handy. I love her blog "My Real Life Was Backordered" and she's got a writing blog as well. I want to improve my writing and what better way than having limited topics to choose from. I may even have to make stuff up to fulfill the assignment. Overall I think it will help me write outside the box and stretch my skillz... that is if I can find them in time. Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Hi Honey, It's 7 o'clock, am I safe? or My Life on Drugs
Friday April 29th:
Am able to proceed with Lupron injections. Find myself very nervous. Close to breaking out in a cold sweat but manage to stick myself with the needle. Is not that bad. In fact barely felt it. Relieved and a little shaky I go to bed wondering how I'll be in the morning.
Saturday April 30th:
Find myself semi nauseous in the morning. More sensitive to stupid things. Strange desire to arm-wrestle my husband into submission for the offense of waking up in the morning. Have family coming to spend the day. Sense a pattern developing. Nightly injection hurt this time. And itched.
Sunday May 1st:
Definite pattern developing. Am able to see a trend. No time to write, have to arm-wrestle husband and find something with chocolate in it. 3rd dose didn't hurt. Is this some kind of joke?
Monday May 2nd:
Feel it necessary to outline pattern for those who may follow in my footsteps or have an urge to visit un-announced.
6-7 am: wake up and feel a bit nauseous but still okay
7:30 am: doing okay until husband talks to me then have sudden urge to rip head off
7:31 am: suppress urge, put up a hand, and ask if that question/comment is really necessary
7:32 am: husband backs away slowly with soothing voice and takes question/comment back
8:00 am: husband attempts to go to work, I ignore him till he does
8:30 am: overwhelmed by hunger pangs and eat anything I can find for breakfast (or second breakfast as the case may be)
8:45 am: day proceeds normally as long as there are no unforeseen interruptions
12:00-3:00 pm: have uncontrollable urge to cry at everything including commercials on the radio, songs that have anything to do with sentimentality or violence or that have words or instruments in them
4:00 pm: doing pretty good. Waterworks have stopped and smile is on the face
7:00 pm: nausea returns and irritation at everything comes in full force. Husband walks on egg shells, sometimes ignoring me for his own safety. But then again ignoring me causes further irritation and irrational thinking and might not be that safe either
7:30 pm: large dose of chocolate is consumed
7:32 pm: feeling better but watch your step
9:00 pm: life is good and rational conversation is possible
9:30 pm: another dose of chocolate for own safety
10:00 pm: take another shot and go to bed
Okay, seriously though. It's kind of interesting how it follows a pattern, and I'm not really crazy all the time. But it is a little freaky how out-of-control and irritated that I feel sometimes. I know it's the drugs that are causing it but just see if I can do anything about it! Man may as well put forth his arm to stop the mighty Mississippi from flowing! It really does follow a schedule though. So much that when 7 pm approaches I start getting out the chocolate.
I don't think this affects everyone the same way either. I happen to be uber-sensitive to drugs. Half the dose of Dayquil does me in. So birth control and injections... yeah. Can't wait till they add more! I'm gonna have to buy chocolate in bulk!
ps. I just realized that I didn't officially say that we're okay to go forward with all of this! David, who gets uber-brownie points in heaven, did many a phone call between doctors office and insurance and was finally able to get things straightened out. We found out late Friday afternoon that we could go forward. So yeah... nothing like a late update!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Monday Photo
I have decided to make a change. Since I always want to blog on Monday but can't seem to get my act together over the weekend to actually have something up... well. Tuesday photo has turned into Monday photo. Try not to let it throw you off. (insert picture of me smirking)
This last week I had to opportunity to do Senior Photos for a person in my ward. I was really nervous, but David was kind enough to go out with me a few days before and scout out some good areas. Of course he had to pose for me so that I knew what I was doing. He's such a ham I love it!
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