Hope your's was just as good!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
I'm sitting here...
I'm sitting here in a robe and pajamas.
It's Monday. What a wonderful day to be sitting here in my robe and pajamas.
David and I got back from Hurricane last night after spending Christmas with the Sullivan clan. (Can I call it a clan? I mean it wasn't even the completely family - Sophie and Andrew were in Texas - but "family" seems so formal, "clan" seems more manly?? It just fits better knowing the crew.) Anyway, it was warm there. It is cold here. But there was still nothing as glorious as walking in to my home after a few nights away.
I've been thinking a lot about this past year. It always happens when a new year approaches. I almost can't help but start taking stock of what has happened during the last 12 months of my life. Not surprisingly, it didn't take long before I felt so abundantly blessed.
"Abundance" is my friend Tawnya's word of the year for 2010 and it just fits so perfectly. I hope Tawnya that you don't feel like I'm stealing anything, but I really just can't get over how much David and I have been blessed. We have a home that we love, friends that just warm our hearts and make everything better, financial blessings even despite the set-backs, a wonderful ward and neighborhood. We are appreciated at our jobs, we have wonderful family that I can't imagine being without (yes, that includes both sides!), and our relationship with each other is stronger than ever before.
There are so many details that I could go into but I don't have the kind of time and you aren't really interested in reading a book right now. But my heart is overflowing with gratitude for everything with we have been blessed with, even the trials. Life certainly doesn't turn out the way we all plan and David and I both didn't think we would be childless for so long. But looking back at this journey, there are silver linings every step of the way. Most especially in the people that we know and have been blessed to be able to associate with. The Lord truly does have a plan for us and he blesses us every way he can.
Thank you all for being such wonderful people. For blessing our lives so much by just being yourselves. You are our best Christmas gifts.
It's Monday. What a wonderful day to be sitting here in my robe and pajamas.
David and I got back from Hurricane last night after spending Christmas with the Sullivan clan. (Can I call it a clan? I mean it wasn't even the completely family - Sophie and Andrew were in Texas - but "family" seems so formal, "clan" seems more manly?? It just fits better knowing the crew.) Anyway, it was warm there. It is cold here. But there was still nothing as glorious as walking in to my home after a few nights away.
I've been thinking a lot about this past year. It always happens when a new year approaches. I almost can't help but start taking stock of what has happened during the last 12 months of my life. Not surprisingly, it didn't take long before I felt so abundantly blessed.
"Abundance" is my friend Tawnya's word of the year for 2010 and it just fits so perfectly. I hope Tawnya that you don't feel like I'm stealing anything, but I really just can't get over how much David and I have been blessed. We have a home that we love, friends that just warm our hearts and make everything better, financial blessings even despite the set-backs, a wonderful ward and neighborhood. We are appreciated at our jobs, we have wonderful family that I can't imagine being without (yes, that includes both sides!), and our relationship with each other is stronger than ever before.
There are so many details that I could go into but I don't have the kind of time and you aren't really interested in reading a book right now. But my heart is overflowing with gratitude for everything with we have been blessed with, even the trials. Life certainly doesn't turn out the way we all plan and David and I both didn't think we would be childless for so long. But looking back at this journey, there are silver linings every step of the way. Most especially in the people that we know and have been blessed to be able to associate with. The Lord truly does have a plan for us and he blesses us every way he can.
Thank you all for being such wonderful people. For blessing our lives so much by just being yourselves. You are our best Christmas gifts.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I've Been Enabled!
Last Sunday we played games at Tawnya and Isaac's house. It's always so fun. It's always filled with good company, good food, and a plethora of sarcasm. I can't be a hundred percent sure, but I'm pretty darn sure that a good chunk of that sarcasm actually came out of my mouth and was directed towards my husband. (Dun dun dun dun...) And because I felt so free, it did allow others to jump on the proverbial band wagon and lend a helping hand.
Now before the "sarcasm is evil and can lead to no good" alerts go off and I'm condemned by everyone as a mean wife, it's high time we got a few things straight.
First. I absolutely adore my husband! Adore! I practically worship the ground he walks on! And there are several reason for this which we won't get into here because I simply don't have the time to list them all because it would be a long list which may or may not involve the fact that he cleans the bathrooms and he laughs at my jokes.
Second. Not all sarcasm is bad. In fact, perhaps my sarcasm isn't really sarcasm by Webster's definition. It's more like playfully teasing. And in this particular game night case it would have practically been a crime not to say something. A crime. Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Chandler makes a New Year's resolution to not be sarcastic and he almost explodes? Yeah, that might be me.
Anyway, there is a point. David informed me this morning that a member of the game night party felt the need to clear the air and make sure that the teasing that was done didn't make him feel bad which led us to discuss the situation.
L: did you feel bad
D: No.
L: Good, I didn't think so
There, that clears it up right! Okay, there was more. As we explored the ins and outs of our relationship we came to find that we pretty much both enable the teasing. In fact, we feed off of each other to the point of ridiculousness. And like grade schoolers, we tease the one's we love right. It was also decided that if this was the only means of communication between us, then there would be a problem. A pretty big one in fact. As it stands we talk to each other a lot. We express our love to each other a lot. I mean a. lot. I don't think that we could survive the blessings and trials without holding on to each other for dear life.
Now, because we can't be too gushy and mushy and all around sickeningly sweet (mostly because my constitution can't handle it, even typing that sentence made me shudder a little... or a lot) we have different ways of expressing our love and it works for us. In fact it works quite well. We laugh with each other, sometimes at each other, but mostly with each other.
So, we enable each other to act as crazy and silly and sarcastic as we do. And although it may look dangerous from the outside, don't worry, we're on top of it. We still hold hands at church, we still snuggle up together at night. And David, even though that Queen of Diamonds you just threw away would have won us the game... I still love you.
Now before the "sarcasm is evil and can lead to no good" alerts go off and I'm condemned by everyone as a mean wife, it's high time we got a few things straight.
First. I absolutely adore my husband! Adore! I practically worship the ground he walks on! And there are several reason for this which we won't get into here because I simply don't have the time to list them all because it would be a long list which may or may not involve the fact that he cleans the bathrooms and he laughs at my jokes.
Second. Not all sarcasm is bad. In fact, perhaps my sarcasm isn't really sarcasm by Webster's definition. It's more like playfully teasing. And in this particular game night case it would have practically been a crime not to say something. A crime. Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Chandler makes a New Year's resolution to not be sarcastic and he almost explodes? Yeah, that might be me.
Anyway, there is a point. David informed me this morning that a member of the game night party felt the need to clear the air and make sure that the teasing that was done didn't make him feel bad which led us to discuss the situation.
L: did you feel bad
D: No.
L: Good, I didn't think so
There, that clears it up right! Okay, there was more. As we explored the ins and outs of our relationship we came to find that we pretty much both enable the teasing. In fact, we feed off of each other to the point of ridiculousness. And like grade schoolers, we tease the one's we love right. It was also decided that if this was the only means of communication between us, then there would be a problem. A pretty big one in fact. As it stands we talk to each other a lot. We express our love to each other a lot. I mean a. lot. I don't think that we could survive the blessings and trials without holding on to each other for dear life.
Now, because we can't be too gushy and mushy and all around sickeningly sweet (mostly because my constitution can't handle it, even typing that sentence made me shudder a little... or a lot) we have different ways of expressing our love and it works for us. In fact it works quite well. We laugh with each other, sometimes at each other, but mostly with each other.
So, we enable each other to act as crazy and silly and sarcastic as we do. And although it may look dangerous from the outside, don't worry, we're on top of it. We still hold hands at church, we still snuggle up together at night. And David, even though that Queen of Diamonds you just threw away would have won us the game... I still love you.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
What a day!
It's time's like this, tragic times filled with sorrow and confusion, ie. death of a loved one, health issues, or birthdays, that really help you know that you really do have the bestest friends in the entire world!
I'm usually quite excited about my birthday. In fact, I get a kick out of calling various members of my family and asking them if they have something to say to me. Every year I am met by an awkward pause, and stumbling voice of the person wracking their brain while trying to figure out what on earth they have to tell me. The longer it goes the more I get a kick out of it. In fact, I delight in it. It's almost better than having them actually remember my birthday before I remind them.
This year was not one of those years. In fact, this is the first time that I have actually dreaded a birthday. I woke up feeling none to celebratory. 35. 35. 35. That's all that went through my head. Oh and "how did I let things get out of hand like this! grrr!" You know, like I actually had a say in it. So yea, the day didn't start out that great.
But then again... I am just amazed at the wonderful people in my life that are not my family so are therefore exempt from the "hey you, tell me I'm great" phone call and just flat out surprise me! I just feel so dang lucky to have such wonderful women in my life and just so blessed because of the silver linings the Lord continually gives me. And did I mention my husband. He's really just the best.
I ended up going home for my actual birthday and spending time my parents. (Let's take a minute to give them a shout out because they actually got the internet! That's right folks, they are moving out of the dark ages and coming to grips with such wonders as: online shopping, the wonders of YouTube, movie trailers at your fingers tips, and of course, this blog! To quote an oft used phrase for such an occasion, 'Hell has truly frozen over'.) But moving on. Spent the afternoon with the parents and came home better for it. In fact, I was actually ready to not only face the rest of the day, but the week as well. Truly magical!
So back to Logan I go and what to my wondering eyes should appear but David up to his elbows in chocolate so dear. A cake! A birthday cake! Chocolate with more chocolate. And it was made from scratch! Not even out of a box. Yep, that's love.
And before I had the sense to take a picture, I dove right in. And I can for sure tell you... mmmmmmm. The card says: What happens at the dessert cart, stays at the dessert cart. Oddly enough, I was reminded of last book club... hmm, wonder why...
So, to sum up. I have the best group of friends in the entire world. Seriously. And not only does that make an unwanted birthday more bearable, but I truly hope that the same people are around next year. Thank you all!
I'm usually quite excited about my birthday. In fact, I get a kick out of calling various members of my family and asking them if they have something to say to me. Every year I am met by an awkward pause, and stumbling voice of the person wracking their brain while trying to figure out what on earth they have to tell me. The longer it goes the more I get a kick out of it. In fact, I delight in it. It's almost better than having them actually remember my birthday before I remind them.
This year was not one of those years. In fact, this is the first time that I have actually dreaded a birthday. I woke up feeling none to celebratory. 35. 35. 35. That's all that went through my head. Oh and "how did I let things get out of hand like this! grrr!" You know, like I actually had a say in it. So yea, the day didn't start out that great.
But then again... I am just amazed at the wonderful people in my life that are not my family so are therefore exempt from the "hey you, tell me I'm great" phone call and just flat out surprise me! I just feel so dang lucky to have such wonderful women in my life and just so blessed because of the silver linings the Lord continually gives me. And did I mention my husband. He's really just the best.
I ended up going home for my actual birthday and spending time my parents. (Let's take a minute to give them a shout out because they actually got the internet! That's right folks, they are moving out of the dark ages and coming to grips with such wonders as: online shopping, the wonders of YouTube, movie trailers at your fingers tips, and of course, this blog! To quote an oft used phrase for such an occasion, 'Hell has truly frozen over'.) But moving on. Spent the afternoon with the parents and came home better for it. In fact, I was actually ready to not only face the rest of the day, but the week as well. Truly magical!
So back to Logan I go and what to my wondering eyes should appear but David up to his elbows in chocolate so dear. A cake! A birthday cake! Chocolate with more chocolate. And it was made from scratch! Not even out of a box. Yep, that's love.
But wait, there's more. I received thoughtful gifts from friends and my little heart almost burst. And then, just when I thought it was all done, I went out today, a full day after my birthday and came home to a fun little package on my doorstep.
So, to sum up. I have the best group of friends in the entire world. Seriously. And not only does that make an unwanted birthday more bearable, but I truly hope that the same people are around next year. Thank you all!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tough Choices
Saturday was filled with choices. Unexpected choices. And one really tough one.
You see, I am one of those people who are riddled with guilt when choosing between duty and self. Whether it's duty to an employer, duty to church, duty to friends, duty to strangers on the street. Whenever I choose something for myself, even though it is clearly the best thing, I am riddled with guilt about who I might be letting down.
It's the worst at work. I have on occasion run myself into the ground before realizing "Hey! You might want to start taking care of our own well-being sister!" And then I back off, take a little time for myself, and get my life back in order. Unfortunately these things are also accompanied by guilt guilt and more guilt for at least half of the day off being taken. Long vacations are the worst. If we are gone for 5 days I finally start to really relax on day 3.5. It's really obnoxious, just ask my husband.
Which brings us to Saturday. It was our ward Christmas party. We had missed the last two weeks of church and had missed the announcement and I had made tentative but un-voiced plans for David and I. I wanted to go to A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Morgan Theatre on campus. My friend's son was in it and all reports were good and it was the last night it was showing. I wanted a date night. (It's amazing how even though it's just us, we rarely make time for dates... pathetic huh.) Anyway, my automatic response at finding out about the Christmas party was "well, guess we won't be going to the play after all." But I was a little, okay a lot, frustrated with that choice. Like my plans didn't count because I had this duty.
In fact I was so frustrated that I was completely ornery for a good portion of the day. Finally I talked to David about it. We went to dinner and the play, and had a wonderful time. We laughed so much at parts of the play that my stomach hurt and I was crying. Hilarious! So good for the soul. But I did have to ask David at least three times whether this was really okay. In fact 3 times during dinner alone my guilt was brought into play. Do you know what he finally said? "You need to be here with me more than they need you at the ward Christmas party." And you know what, he was right!
That's why my husband is awesome. So good and putting things in perspective. Sad I missed the party, but oh so glad for date night with David and a night on the town. So glad to make decisions instead of letting everyone and everything else make them for me.
The moral of the story you ask?
Stand up and take control! Act rather than be acted upon! Don't let guilt rule your life!
Or at least keep it to a minimum cause let's face it, old habits die hard.
May this coming weekend be guilt free for you all!
You see, I am one of those people who are riddled with guilt when choosing between duty and self. Whether it's duty to an employer, duty to church, duty to friends, duty to strangers on the street. Whenever I choose something for myself, even though it is clearly the best thing, I am riddled with guilt about who I might be letting down.
It's the worst at work. I have on occasion run myself into the ground before realizing "Hey! You might want to start taking care of our own well-being sister!" And then I back off, take a little time for myself, and get my life back in order. Unfortunately these things are also accompanied by guilt guilt and more guilt for at least half of the day off being taken. Long vacations are the worst. If we are gone for 5 days I finally start to really relax on day 3.5. It's really obnoxious, just ask my husband.
Which brings us to Saturday. It was our ward Christmas party. We had missed the last two weeks of church and had missed the announcement and I had made tentative but un-voiced plans for David and I. I wanted to go to A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Morgan Theatre on campus. My friend's son was in it and all reports were good and it was the last night it was showing. I wanted a date night. (It's amazing how even though it's just us, we rarely make time for dates... pathetic huh.) Anyway, my automatic response at finding out about the Christmas party was "well, guess we won't be going to the play after all." But I was a little, okay a lot, frustrated with that choice. Like my plans didn't count because I had this duty.
In fact I was so frustrated that I was completely ornery for a good portion of the day. Finally I talked to David about it. We went to dinner and the play, and had a wonderful time. We laughed so much at parts of the play that my stomach hurt and I was crying. Hilarious! So good for the soul. But I did have to ask David at least three times whether this was really okay. In fact 3 times during dinner alone my guilt was brought into play. Do you know what he finally said? "You need to be here with me more than they need you at the ward Christmas party." And you know what, he was right!
That's why my husband is awesome. So good and putting things in perspective. Sad I missed the party, but oh so glad for date night with David and a night on the town. So glad to make decisions instead of letting everyone and everything else make them for me.
The moral of the story you ask?
Stand up and take control! Act rather than be acted upon! Don't let guilt rule your life!
Or at least keep it to a minimum cause let's face it, old habits die hard.
May this coming weekend be guilt free for you all!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Friday Random (Truly Random)
* White women don't wrap. (Okay, I'm just really bad at wrapping gifts)
* I drove by a crosswalk and noticed a large truck coming my way with an orange cone stuck in the bumper and two crossing guards looking on in awe wondering if perhaps they should chase it down.
* Mother-love-n-patience! Either a new swear word or a really good cake.
* I was driving home from work the other day when the hokeyist rendition of Jingle Bells came on. The two men in the truck in front of me started bobbing up and down in time with the song. I wonder if he is using the same station we are using?
* a conversation:
L: Do you think it would bee too much if I had a picture of a waterfall in the bathroom that said 'Relax, everything will come out just fine'?
D: You are terrible!
L: I know, but do you think it would be too much?
* I was driving home from work the other day and it was taking forever. I didn't mind though because the very large vehicle in front of me had a drop down screen for the kids. I watched Happy Feet almost all the way to my house! For once I didn't mind if I hit the red light.
Anything happen weird happen to you this week?
* I drove by a crosswalk and noticed a large truck coming my way with an orange cone stuck in the bumper and two crossing guards looking on in awe wondering if perhaps they should chase it down.
* Mother-love-n-patience! Either a new swear word or a really good cake.
* I was driving home from work the other day when the hokeyist rendition of Jingle Bells came on. The two men in the truck in front of me started bobbing up and down in time with the song. I wonder if he is using the same station we are using?
* a conversation:
L: Do you think it would bee too much if I had a picture of a waterfall in the bathroom that said 'Relax, everything will come out just fine'?
D: You are terrible!
L: I know, but do you think it would be too much?
* I was driving home from work the other day and it was taking forever. I didn't mind though because the very large vehicle in front of me had a drop down screen for the kids. I watched Happy Feet almost all the way to my house! For once I didn't mind if I hit the red light.
Anything happen weird happen to you this week?
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Picture
I LOVE this picture. It is of a tree by my house and since I was late for work anyway I figured I might as well be really late and get a good shot!
I like it in black and white too.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Christmas Memories
Monday night was the last night of my photography class. The "final" was to bring 5 of your favorite photos and let the class critique them. I showed up a little before 7 and the previous class was still there. There were 5 photos up on the big screen and they spoke to my country girl heart.
The first picture was a close up of a white faced heifer with a snowy background. It was cropped close so the entire face didn't show, the beautiful brown eyes made striking. But oh the memories it brought. The feelings.
I have a favorite Christmas tradition. Growing up on a farm there were always chores to be done regardless of the holiday. One was to feed the cows. On Christmas morning we not only had to wait for the parents to get up (an eternity in and of itself) but we had to wait for Dad to get done with the chores before we could throw back the makeshift curtain that hid the living room from our view and gaze with wonder upon the gifts Santa brought. When we got a little older, it was suggested that we go along with Dad to feed the cows on the hill. So we all bundled up in our mis-matched winter gear (did anyone ever have matching gloves?) and headed out into the cold Christmas morn.
Depending on the amount of snow, we either rode on the back of the snowcat (ideal for deep snow) or the feed wagon behind the big green John Deere tractor. Dad would put it in gear and we'd head up on the hill where the cows were waiting with eagerness. First the hay went down. As the cows munched away contentedly a bale of straw was pitched bit by bit for the cows to bed down in.
It was magic. I can still smell the crispness of the air, the sweetness of the hay as it was tossed down to the waiting cattle. Sometimes we were blessed with blue skies and the warm sunshine. Other times it was frigidly cold and grey. Still other times were filled with snow globe weather; big fluffy flakes that floated down like magic. Always it was filled with satisfaction.
When I was younger it was fun to ride on top of the hay bales and get in snowball fights with brothers and sisters. Watch the dogs plow through the snow and try to do the same only to break through the hard surface and sometimes fill your boots with snow. The older I got the more I appreciated that moment on top of the hill. I loved to look across the valley, at our home, and be filled with gratitude for the beauty of the day. The beauty of the season. The gift it was to grow up in such a remote and perfect location.
This year I will miss the sounds of children giggling ring through the air, no longer brothers and sisters but nieces and nephews, combined with the quiet munching of the cows and the sounds of my own breath as I take it all in. That is the sound of Christmas morning for me.
I hope to be able to share one of those moments with my own children someday. For now I will be content to remember it and to share a little bit of what Christmas means to me.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra
Tis the season people, tis the season.
This one has caught me more off guard than most. In fact it took almost an entire week after Thanksgiving to get our tree up. Half of my usual holiday adornment is still in it's boxes where it was so tenderly packed up last January.
I seriously don't know what's gotten in to me, I'm just not that excited. Perhaps it has something to do with:
1. The Christmas Open House we did for work in October?
2. The Christmas music we've been working on in ward choir since September?
3. The fact that I really do still have a box or two that still needs a home since we moved?
4. The Holiday Office Party flier that has haunted me since October and then never came into reality?
Could it be that everything started so early that I have experienced the usual Christmas excitement in slow degrees since September and there's no where left to peak?
Even Nat King Cole, that trusted holiday soul has left me less that glowing by the fire of his magic voice. I just don't know what to do!?!
Suggestions?
This one has caught me more off guard than most. In fact it took almost an entire week after Thanksgiving to get our tree up. Half of my usual holiday adornment is still in it's boxes where it was so tenderly packed up last January.
I seriously don't know what's gotten in to me, I'm just not that excited. Perhaps it has something to do with:
1. The Christmas Open House we did for work in October?
2. The Christmas music we've been working on in ward choir since September?
3. The fact that I really do still have a box or two that still needs a home since we moved?
4. The Holiday Office Party flier that has haunted me since October and then never came into reality?
Could it be that everything started so early that I have experienced the usual Christmas excitement in slow degrees since September and there's no where left to peak?
Even Nat King Cole, that trusted holiday soul has left me less that glowing by the fire of his magic voice. I just don't know what to do!?!
Suggestions?
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
"And remember, this is for posterity so please be honest"
I thought it fitting to start out with a movie quote. Fitting that it should be from the torture chamber scene. Fitting that some mention of torture should be involved.
Okay, it's a bit extreme, let me 'splain. No there is too much. Let me sum up.
On November 9th David and I headed down to Salt Lake for our first round of IUI. It was simpler than I thought, and not quite as invasive as I thought. Still not the most comfortable thing in the world, but we have a wonderful doctor with more than wonderful staff. I've said this before, but it is so good to have a doctor's office where you are the priority. As we left everyone wished us luck. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. Nurses from two stations over chimed in with "let us know how it turns out!" We were well-wished all the way out the door.
Next step was to wait for that monthly visitor to make other arrangements and skip town for awhile. It looked promising. Very promising. In fact, I was 4 days late! 4 days people! It needs to be known that I have never been 4 days late. The most I have every gotten was 1 day late. So 4 was confusing, hopeful, trying, and wonderful at the same time. I took many a pregnancy test with obviously negative results, but no signs of that monthly visitor, not even a hint!
Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?
I just want you to feel you are doing well.
After the second skipped day, we actually allowed ourselves to enjoy it. The thoughts of a little one being able to join our family were just too exciting. (Not to mention finally being able to try on that stay-at-home mom hat.) We told ourselves not to get too excited, after all there was no definite "yes" yet. But it was the closest we have ever been. We talked about how wouldn't it be crazy if all we needed was 1 round of IUI this whole time. Years I tell you, years we've been trying! 1 Round! Just crazy. We've been fairly certain this whole time that we are headed for IVF and that the rounds of IUI were just pieces on the path. So much hope.
Do you hear that Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering.
2 days later it came crashing down. Right before Thanksgiving in fact. I had that Wednesday off and instead of using it for good (cleaning the house, packing, baking, general getting readiness so we could join the family that evening) I spent it in the basement in front of the TV watching episode after episode of 'Psych'. Shockingly appropriate huh! I was having a well deserved pity party and the world was better for it. Had I allowed myself to mingle with family I might have done something awkward like break down in tears for no apparent reason. Or perhaps even bitten someone's head off. That's always a bit awkward even if there is a good reason.
When the job went wrong he went back to the beginning. Well, this is where we got the job, so it's the beginning.
There's still hope though, or at least steps to take. I just finished another round of Femara and am waiting for that magic stick peeing moment to get another doctor appointment for the second round of IUI. There is comfort in a plan. Steps to be taken, not too much time to sit around and feel sorry for one's self.
Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
And in the meantime, while waiting for that little miracle to take place in our lives, at least there's one more guaranteed trip to IKEA before all this is through. I feel another piece of our bedroom set will be joining us soon.
**10 points to the first namer of the movie. Hey, you never know when you are gonna need an extra 10 points! Thanks for reading.**
Okay, it's a bit extreme, let me 'splain. No there is too much. Let me sum up.
On November 9th David and I headed down to Salt Lake for our first round of IUI. It was simpler than I thought, and not quite as invasive as I thought. Still not the most comfortable thing in the world, but we have a wonderful doctor with more than wonderful staff. I've said this before, but it is so good to have a doctor's office where you are the priority. As we left everyone wished us luck. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. Nurses from two stations over chimed in with "let us know how it turns out!" We were well-wished all the way out the door.
Next step was to wait for that monthly visitor to make other arrangements and skip town for awhile. It looked promising. Very promising. In fact, I was 4 days late! 4 days people! It needs to be known that I have never been 4 days late. The most I have every gotten was 1 day late. So 4 was confusing, hopeful, trying, and wonderful at the same time. I took many a pregnancy test with obviously negative results, but no signs of that monthly visitor, not even a hint!
Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?
I just want you to feel you are doing well.
After the second skipped day, we actually allowed ourselves to enjoy it. The thoughts of a little one being able to join our family were just too exciting. (Not to mention finally being able to try on that stay-at-home mom hat.) We told ourselves not to get too excited, after all there was no definite "yes" yet. But it was the closest we have ever been. We talked about how wouldn't it be crazy if all we needed was 1 round of IUI this whole time. Years I tell you, years we've been trying! 1 Round! Just crazy. We've been fairly certain this whole time that we are headed for IVF and that the rounds of IUI were just pieces on the path. So much hope.
Do you hear that Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering.
2 days later it came crashing down. Right before Thanksgiving in fact. I had that Wednesday off and instead of using it for good (cleaning the house, packing, baking, general getting readiness so we could join the family that evening) I spent it in the basement in front of the TV watching episode after episode of 'Psych'. Shockingly appropriate huh! I was having a well deserved pity party and the world was better for it. Had I allowed myself to mingle with family I might have done something awkward like break down in tears for no apparent reason. Or perhaps even bitten someone's head off. That's always a bit awkward even if there is a good reason.
When the job went wrong he went back to the beginning. Well, this is where we got the job, so it's the beginning.
There's still hope though, or at least steps to take. I just finished another round of Femara and am waiting for that magic stick peeing moment to get another doctor appointment for the second round of IUI. There is comfort in a plan. Steps to be taken, not too much time to sit around and feel sorry for one's self.
Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
And in the meantime, while waiting for that little miracle to take place in our lives, at least there's one more guaranteed trip to IKEA before all this is through. I feel another piece of our bedroom set will be joining us soon.
**10 points to the first namer of the movie. Hey, you never know when you are gonna need an extra 10 points! Thanks for reading.**
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I'll Hold My Breath Until I Turn Blue!
A big one.
It's lasted for awhile now.
You should be happy that I haven't blogged about every step of it.
I could you know... but then you might stop reading.
And dear readers, I really don't want you to stop. I like you all too much.
I'll be better tomorrow. I promise. I may even have insightful information. It's possible I could actually grow through this situation. Actually learns something through these trials. Crazy huh!
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for not writing me off completely. I was doing so well you know, posting regularly.
Then I threw a tantrum. I almost made it till my face turned blue... almost.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
One Step at a Time
Lora has hinted several times that she would be very interested to see what I would have to say about our Journey so far with trying to have children. So... here is trying to put into words what it is like for me. It may turn out to be a book, so trudge through at your own risk.
I don't think anyone ever expects to wait so long for some things in there life. I knew I didn't want to get married young and always thought it would be sometime after I turned 25. I guess be careful what you wish for because I had no idea it would take me until almost 33. Earlier on, I didn't put it off, but I didn't pursue it nearly as much as I could have. Through all of that waiting, I always knew somehow that I would find someone wonderful, and lo and behold I found her, and she was definitely worth the wait.
When we were married, I wasn't sure if I wanted to have children right away either. Selfishly or not, in spite of getting married later in life (at least around these parts) I wanted to have at least a year with Lora to myself. Yet again, a wish for a little time turned into a surprisingly long wait, because here we are, 5 years and still waiting and we still don't know when children will come.
For me, it is easy to see some similarities between waiting to find the one to marry and trying to have children. I enjoyed life. I was basically pretty happy as I am tremendously so now with Lora, but I started to feel and now feel even more so the missing part of what else I want in my life: then marriage, and now children. Although I say it's a wait, really it is more a pursuit. You have to take steps and go after what you want. To get married, you have to meet people and date. For us to have children we have registered to adopt at an agency and we are also going to a fertility clinic. For each, you took the step, hoping it will turn out with what you wish, but many times you had to keep going even after there were times when the signs pointed to it being the time had finally come when it actually was not; a canceled engagement here, a you think your are pregnant there. Those close calls can be hard.
Trying to have children is also different. Even though it is much better to go through the hard times together, it seems you feel the pain for both of you. I feel much more urgent this time. A part of that is simply that the clock is ticking. How old will I be when it finally happens? When they Graduate? When they get Married and have there own kids? Will I be around long as a Grandpa? But the bigger part is that, even though I feel we are really happy now and enjoying life with just the two of us, it's just knowing that there is this other aspect to life that will be much more difficult, but oh so much more rewarding with children, and I want that.
One of the biggest frustrations is I want to go faster than we are able. Either it costs so much so we have to save for it, or it just takes so much time and energy, or life just simply gets in the way. For fertility, it was minor complications slowing the doctor down and him being cautious. Now that we are going to a good fertility clinic, I feel like we are moving a lot faster. Or it was getting signed up for adoption which is quite the involved process and it just takes a long time. Even when we decided to buy a house and we just couldn't focus on much else, adoption or doctors. Some things just take too much focus to do much else.
Adoption brings its own interesting thoughts and feelings. I'd always been open to the idea since my cousin, whose family I am very close to, was adopted. Her older sister also adopted her first son. I also have several other family and friends who have adopted. From them I knew that adopted children are not second class kids who the parents had to settle for, but are as much a part of the family as any other child, loved as much as any other; and that is how it would be with us. But I have heard and seen how adoption brings its own challenges. Adopted kids basically have both a heritage from the family they are adopted into as well as a biological heritage from their birth parents. A part of them will be from other than you. This is even more so now that adoptions are much more open and not closed like they used to be. Depending on how involved the birth parents will want to be, there will be other people in the lives of your adopted child. I've seen some where they are like extended family. That isn't bad for me, but something else to juggle and consider as you raise your child.
We've had one birth mother interested in us so far that we know of. We were told she was still considering us for a while. We never met her and she finally choose another family. It was exciting to know that we were being looked at. But when it didn't happen, it was disappointing, but maybe not as much as it could have been since we had not yet met her or felt like it was going to happen
When we first went in and talked with our case worker, we had such a good experience with how we felt about it. I think it will be an option we keep open even the fertility stops getting in the way; so for me, not so much if, but most likely when. However, much can happen, so we will have to see.
Going to the doctors has been its own adventure. You get to open up what is usually the most private process of your lives to other people. That can be hard and awkward, and much more so for Lora than me. We have been classified into the "unexplained infertility" category. From all of the tests, there is no good reason why we can't get pregnant. There is one thing going on that may be impeding things, but not necessarily. That in itself is frustrating because you really don't have any good answers. In some ways it would be easier to know why, even if it meant that the option was closed.
Even though we have been going to the doctors for months both times we pursued this, but the other frustrating thing is how far we have gone. Not very. The first time, the furthest we got was Lora taking a round of Clomid. That is as far as we got after months of monitoring and even a laparoscopy. Now that we are going to a specialist at a fertility clinic, we are at least moving. We have taken the battery of tests and got those out of the way. We are now in the the step of several rounds of IUI (artificial insemination), and if that doesn't get us there, we have a plan in place to try In vitro fertilization. It feels so much better to be doing things now and have a much more concrete plan in place.
But, depending on how things go, we are vulnerable again to things not happening. I kind of got used to another month and nothing. Now we will have a reason to hope for something during some of the months ahead and if it turns out that not that month; well, it will be difficult to be disappointed again. Still, I'd rather be doing something. You won't get anywhere doing nothing.
I know we will eventually have children of our own. I know it because I've got this feeling inside like I did that I would find someone wonderful to marry. Not having children just isn't an option. It gives me a lot of peace, which helps so much through the setbacks and dashed moments of hope and not understanding why it isn't happening until later. So, here we are. We just plug along, truly enjoying what we have now and for the most part being really happy, but desiring something so much more.
From whichever method the child arrives, I do feel one thing very strongly. Children are brought to a family by divine guidance. When we finally get there, the children will be meant for us. And we are going to be AWESOME parents too!
I don't think anyone ever expects to wait so long for some things in there life. I knew I didn't want to get married young and always thought it would be sometime after I turned 25. I guess be careful what you wish for because I had no idea it would take me until almost 33. Earlier on, I didn't put it off, but I didn't pursue it nearly as much as I could have. Through all of that waiting, I always knew somehow that I would find someone wonderful, and lo and behold I found her, and she was definitely worth the wait.
When we were married, I wasn't sure if I wanted to have children right away either. Selfishly or not, in spite of getting married later in life (at least around these parts) I wanted to have at least a year with Lora to myself. Yet again, a wish for a little time turned into a surprisingly long wait, because here we are, 5 years and still waiting and we still don't know when children will come.
For me, it is easy to see some similarities between waiting to find the one to marry and trying to have children. I enjoyed life. I was basically pretty happy as I am tremendously so now with Lora, but I started to feel and now feel even more so the missing part of what else I want in my life: then marriage, and now children. Although I say it's a wait, really it is more a pursuit. You have to take steps and go after what you want. To get married, you have to meet people and date. For us to have children we have registered to adopt at an agency and we are also going to a fertility clinic. For each, you took the step, hoping it will turn out with what you wish, but many times you had to keep going even after there were times when the signs pointed to it being the time had finally come when it actually was not; a canceled engagement here, a you think your are pregnant there. Those close calls can be hard.
Trying to have children is also different. Even though it is much better to go through the hard times together, it seems you feel the pain for both of you. I feel much more urgent this time. A part of that is simply that the clock is ticking. How old will I be when it finally happens? When they Graduate? When they get Married and have there own kids? Will I be around long as a Grandpa? But the bigger part is that, even though I feel we are really happy now and enjoying life with just the two of us, it's just knowing that there is this other aspect to life that will be much more difficult, but oh so much more rewarding with children, and I want that.
One of the biggest frustrations is I want to go faster than we are able. Either it costs so much so we have to save for it, or it just takes so much time and energy, or life just simply gets in the way. For fertility, it was minor complications slowing the doctor down and him being cautious. Now that we are going to a good fertility clinic, I feel like we are moving a lot faster. Or it was getting signed up for adoption which is quite the involved process and it just takes a long time. Even when we decided to buy a house and we just couldn't focus on much else, adoption or doctors. Some things just take too much focus to do much else.
Adoption brings its own interesting thoughts and feelings. I'd always been open to the idea since my cousin, whose family I am very close to, was adopted. Her older sister also adopted her first son. I also have several other family and friends who have adopted. From them I knew that adopted children are not second class kids who the parents had to settle for, but are as much a part of the family as any other child, loved as much as any other; and that is how it would be with us. But I have heard and seen how adoption brings its own challenges. Adopted kids basically have both a heritage from the family they are adopted into as well as a biological heritage from their birth parents. A part of them will be from other than you. This is even more so now that adoptions are much more open and not closed like they used to be. Depending on how involved the birth parents will want to be, there will be other people in the lives of your adopted child. I've seen some where they are like extended family. That isn't bad for me, but something else to juggle and consider as you raise your child.
We've had one birth mother interested in us so far that we know of. We were told she was still considering us for a while. We never met her and she finally choose another family. It was exciting to know that we were being looked at. But when it didn't happen, it was disappointing, but maybe not as much as it could have been since we had not yet met her or felt like it was going to happen
When we first went in and talked with our case worker, we had such a good experience with how we felt about it. I think it will be an option we keep open even the fertility stops getting in the way; so for me, not so much if, but most likely when. However, much can happen, so we will have to see.
Going to the doctors has been its own adventure. You get to open up what is usually the most private process of your lives to other people. That can be hard and awkward, and much more so for Lora than me. We have been classified into the "unexplained infertility" category. From all of the tests, there is no good reason why we can't get pregnant. There is one thing going on that may be impeding things, but not necessarily. That in itself is frustrating because you really don't have any good answers. In some ways it would be easier to know why, even if it meant that the option was closed.
Even though we have been going to the doctors for months both times we pursued this, but the other frustrating thing is how far we have gone. Not very. The first time, the furthest we got was Lora taking a round of Clomid. That is as far as we got after months of monitoring and even a laparoscopy. Now that we are going to a specialist at a fertility clinic, we are at least moving. We have taken the battery of tests and got those out of the way. We are now in the the step of several rounds of IUI (artificial insemination), and if that doesn't get us there, we have a plan in place to try In vitro fertilization. It feels so much better to be doing things now and have a much more concrete plan in place.
But, depending on how things go, we are vulnerable again to things not happening. I kind of got used to another month and nothing. Now we will have a reason to hope for something during some of the months ahead and if it turns out that not that month; well, it will be difficult to be disappointed again. Still, I'd rather be doing something. You won't get anywhere doing nothing.
I know we will eventually have children of our own. I know it because I've got this feeling inside like I did that I would find someone wonderful to marry. Not having children just isn't an option. It gives me a lot of peace, which helps so much through the setbacks and dashed moments of hope and not understanding why it isn't happening until later. So, here we are. We just plug along, truly enjoying what we have now and for the most part being really happy, but desiring something so much more.
From whichever method the child arrives, I do feel one thing very strongly. Children are brought to a family by divine guidance. When we finally get there, the children will be meant for us. And we are going to be AWESOME parents too!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Discuss this!
As prompted from an earlier discussion post by a discussion member of the discussion topic... (head hurt yet?), or really the only other discussion post I've done up to date... *big breath* here's today's topic.
If you could have only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
Post a comment and let's discuss!
If you could have only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
Post a comment and let's discuss!
Photo courtesy of thefilmyap.com
Friday, November 12, 2010
7 Faces of David
Ok, can't help but ask, are there any of you out there who remember "The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao"? It was an obscure movie from my childhood that I never did get used to. It seemed almost disturbing in a way. Here is the trailer if you want to check it out. Anyway, it has absolutely nothing to do with this post except that I happen to have 7 shots of my husband!
He's a good sport, did I ever tell you that? Well, he is. I even asked permission this time to put it on the blog. Since it is technically our blog, I figured that I would help him contribute as much as possible.
He's a cutie. I think I'll keep him. We just have so much fun together. We're both a little bit silly... okay a lot silly at times, but it's just who we are. Fortunately none of his 7 faces are all at that scary. I think he's just too good natured for that.
Love ya babe!
He's a good sport, did I ever tell you that? Well, he is. I even asked permission this time to put it on the blog. Since it is technically our blog, I figured that I would help him contribute as much as possible.
He's a cutie. I think I'll keep him. We just have so much fun together. We're both a little bit silly... okay a lot silly at times, but it's just who we are. Fortunately none of his 7 faces are all at that scary. I think he's just too good natured for that.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
A Few of my Favorite Things
I love it when things are on sale.
I love it when things are on sale at Hobby Lobby.
I love it when things are on sale anywhere and by some trick of nature, we actually have some extra cash to pay for those lovely things on sale.
I love my clock:
I love it's swirly pattern and the way it looks on my wall in our downstairs living room. I love that it helps bring everything together and is functional too. I love that it was 50% off.
I love my serving dish/table decor/ whatever I want to use it for.
I love the colors. I love the richness of it all. I love that it was 50% off as well. I love that it can work for Fall or for Christmas and that it looks good on my table.
I love my chargers:
I love the texture. I love the way they look under my plate. I love that they can be used for serving platters as well. I love that even though they weren't on sale, I didn't feel bad because everything else I bought was on sale so I could feel good about a frivolous award for my frugality.
I love how they look on my table.
But most of all, right now I LOVE my shelves. In order to love and appreciate them as much as I do, a before and after photo is appropriate. I give you the before:
Kind of messy, has that "still in college feel". Functional but not exactly pleasing to the eye.
and the after:
I love that it's dark! I love that it's in boxes. I love that everything fits in a stylish way. I love that it feels like it was done on purpose, not just "making do". I love that I want to be downstairs right now just looking at it. I love that I have room to hang things on the wall now and it won't add to clutter! I love it so much I want another one to take the place of the white shelf to the right. I love that we got it at IKEA and it is sturdy and stylish and in our price range.
Between Hobby Lobby and IKEA, they could possibly take over my world. Hmm.
I love it when things are on sale at Hobby Lobby.
I love it when things are on sale anywhere and by some trick of nature, we actually have some extra cash to pay for those lovely things on sale.
I love my clock:
I love my serving dish/table decor/ whatever I want to use it for.
I love my chargers:
But most of all, right now I LOVE my shelves. In order to love and appreciate them as much as I do, a before and after photo is appropriate. I give you the before:
and the after:
Between Hobby Lobby and IKEA, they could possibly take over my world. Hmm.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I'll Give you a Topic: Peanut Butter. Neither pea, nor butter, discuss.
On The Pioneer Woman's website she says:
"My Name Is Ree
I'm a desperate housewife. I live in the country. I channel Lucille Ball, Vivien Leigh, and Ethel Merman. Welcome to my frontier!"
I can't help but wonder, who do you feel like you channel? In writing, in life? Does it change with the occasion?
I have answers for myself, but I want to hear what you all say first! Drop a comment and let's discuss!
"My Name Is Ree
I'm a desperate housewife. I live in the country. I channel Lucille Ball, Vivien Leigh, and Ethel Merman. Welcome to my frontier!"
I can't help but wonder, who do you feel like you channel? In writing, in life? Does it change with the occasion?
I have answers for myself, but I want to hear what you all say first! Drop a comment and let's discuss!
Monday, November 8, 2010
What Happened to that Guy?
So. Remember those oh-so-luscious people in High School? You know, that boy that you actually went to school for. The one who's smile could make or break your day. The one who's initials were written in secret places in your notebook? yeah that guy. Seen him lately? He's fat and bald.
Whatever happened to that guy?
I was talking with a friend at book club and disclosing secret crushes of high school when the topic came up. Couldn't help but wonder why it was the beautiful people that got struck with the big and bald disease. Not that there is anything wrong with big and bald, it's just kind of funny seeing as they were the hunks of high school who were worshipped on several levels by several classes. Even if you didn't like them you still had to appreciate their beauty despite the bad manners and huge egos.
Then I couldn't help but think of the effect this would have on me. Since I wasn't classified in the "dreamboat" category in high school... or really any category... I think I would have been in the "you were in high school with me?" category. I was a face in the crowd, the one that didn't stand out and was more than happy to be not standing out. But, seeing as I was definitely not in the "she who must be worshipped and sought after" crowd, doesn't it just make sense that when others are getting fat and bald that I would be blossoming into something rare and beautiful? You know.. breath taking?
No, you say? Completely wrong? Against the laws of nature and class division?
Well it was worth a shot wasn't it.
I wonder who finds me on random places such as facebook and Wal-mart and say to themselves "sheesh! what happened to her?" Hmm.
Whatever happened to that guy?
I was talking with a friend at book club and disclosing secret crushes of high school when the topic came up. Couldn't help but wonder why it was the beautiful people that got struck with the big and bald disease. Not that there is anything wrong with big and bald, it's just kind of funny seeing as they were the hunks of high school who were worshipped on several levels by several classes. Even if you didn't like them you still had to appreciate their beauty despite the bad manners and huge egos.
Then I couldn't help but think of the effect this would have on me. Since I wasn't classified in the "dreamboat" category in high school... or really any category... I think I would have been in the "you were in high school with me?" category. I was a face in the crowd, the one that didn't stand out and was more than happy to be not standing out. But, seeing as I was definitely not in the "she who must be worshipped and sought after" crowd, doesn't it just make sense that when others are getting fat and bald that I would be blossoming into something rare and beautiful? You know.. breath taking?
No, you say? Completely wrong? Against the laws of nature and class division?
Well it was worth a shot wasn't it.
I wonder who finds me on random places such as facebook and Wal-mart and say to themselves "sheesh! what happened to her?" Hmm.
Friday, November 5, 2010
What do you do when you're all alone?
Today I am alone in the office. And by alone, I mean alone. No boss, no co-workers, no other office mates who don't report to the same person. If you listen closely enough and hold your breath you may even hear crickets.
So what do I do?
For starters I walked in, flipped on the lights, and yelled "Hello". No one answered. Which is good because if someone had I would have freaked out!
Next step was to get the computer up and running and put on the musical selection of my choice brought to me by Pandora... no office should be without it. It's kind of a random mix too. Everything from Chris LeDoux, to Broadway hits, to Inspirational sounds, and a little bit of Blue October thrown in the mix. It makes me happy. Best part: if I feel like singing out loud I can!
Then I sit and ponder what is to be done today. Ponder ponder ponder. "two people on vacation... one herding cows with family... one out with the army... I wonder if I could have gotten away with a hat today... why did I wear this* shirt!... crap someone is coming in the office, quick do something... why do I have "Downtown**" running through my head?"
Then naturally I write it all down in a blog post because that's what good employees do? Hmm. Maybe I should do some work.
Wishing you all a lovely, productive day
*This shirt refers to the fact that I wore have a button up shirt tucked in and it's just a bit too short to not come untucked whenever I do such things and pick up a pen or breathe.
** Downtown, where all the people are. Downtown where all the shmuh shmuh... Downtown.
So what do I do?
For starters I walked in, flipped on the lights, and yelled "Hello". No one answered. Which is good because if someone had I would have freaked out!
Next step was to get the computer up and running and put on the musical selection of my choice brought to me by Pandora... no office should be without it. It's kind of a random mix too. Everything from Chris LeDoux, to Broadway hits, to Inspirational sounds, and a little bit of Blue October thrown in the mix. It makes me happy. Best part: if I feel like singing out loud I can!
Then I sit and ponder what is to be done today. Ponder ponder ponder. "two people on vacation... one herding cows with family... one out with the army... I wonder if I could have gotten away with a hat today... why did I wear this* shirt!... crap someone is coming in the office, quick do something... why do I have "Downtown**" running through my head?"
Then naturally I write it all down in a blog post because that's what good employees do? Hmm. Maybe I should do some work.
Wishing you all a lovely, productive day
*This shirt refers to the fact that I wore have a button up shirt tucked in and it's just a bit too short to not come untucked whenever I do such things and pick up a pen or breathe.
** Downtown, where all the people are. Downtown where all the shmuh shmuh... Downtown.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
It Pays to Have Amy Friends...
... and their daughters.
Daughter of said Amy brought this in to work today. She said I could borrow it to get me through the week.
on the back it says...
"Powerful Stress Relief"
"I dedicate this candle
to you that I may enjoy
immediate relief of the
stress of the everyday pressures of life.
Through your great power allow me to
juggle my responsibilities with a minimum
of anxiety medication. Help me focus
on what is most important and keep my
blood pressure within normal levels.
Keep my path clear of drama queens;
manic depressives, and emotional
vampires.
And with the most fervent
desire of my soul I ask that I be allowed
a day off OCCASIONALLY.
Amen."
Directions for use:
"place candle on yoga mat and light. Contemplate your navel while repeating the prayer every time the phone rings. In extreme cases, repeat prayer continuously while programming your massage therapist, psychiatrist, and pharmacy on speed dial. Good luck!"
Enough said.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Adoption
I have been thinking a lot about adoption. Thinking about the feelings I had when we decided to go through with it. The excitement. The hope. The pouring of energy into another route to our own family.
It felt good to stop worrying about a dysfunctional body and put all that energy into paperwork, and pictures. To create something that would allow someone to connect with us in a way that would save us both.
We weren't in the ideal situation at the time. In fact, had we had a child in the home we were living in we would have been kicked out. Not because of people, or neighbors, or anything like that, but because of a city ordinance. We weren't zoned properly to have a family where we were living. We didn't care though. We went forward with full faith that when we got our child something would work out. The Lord would take care of us because he always has.
Now we have a home all our own. No children yet, but a home that we won't get kicked out of. We've painted and hung curtains. We've done a few things with the yard and have great plans for the future.
I have a baby room. I hung up all the little boy and little girl clothes that I've been collecting. I couldn't do it when we first moved in. It was too painful. Now they hang in the closet over the car seat that we bought last February. We wanted to be prepared. I have a little dresser with diaper changing things, and onesies, and burp cloths. I have toys, and soaps, and baby wipes. When I open the drawer it smells like baby.
Sometimes I have a hard time going into that room. Sometimes I shut the door completely.
I don't know why David and I have had to go through this. I don't know why we are still going through this. But just like everything else in our lives, we know there is a plan. There is a God in the heavens and he is our Father. He does love us. He does care for us. And he knows what we need to learn and how we need to learn it. And he knows how to bless us. And he has blessed us.
Through the longing and the loneliness, we know there is a plan. And that's what helps us make it through. It's what helps us look for the silver linings to our seeming rain clouds.
It felt good to stop worrying about a dysfunctional body and put all that energy into paperwork, and pictures. To create something that would allow someone to connect with us in a way that would save us both.
We weren't in the ideal situation at the time. In fact, had we had a child in the home we were living in we would have been kicked out. Not because of people, or neighbors, or anything like that, but because of a city ordinance. We weren't zoned properly to have a family where we were living. We didn't care though. We went forward with full faith that when we got our child something would work out. The Lord would take care of us because he always has.
Now we have a home all our own. No children yet, but a home that we won't get kicked out of. We've painted and hung curtains. We've done a few things with the yard and have great plans for the future.
I have a baby room. I hung up all the little boy and little girl clothes that I've been collecting. I couldn't do it when we first moved in. It was too painful. Now they hang in the closet over the car seat that we bought last February. We wanted to be prepared. I have a little dresser with diaper changing things, and onesies, and burp cloths. I have toys, and soaps, and baby wipes. When I open the drawer it smells like baby.
Sometimes I have a hard time going into that room. Sometimes I shut the door completely.
I don't know why David and I have had to go through this. I don't know why we are still going through this. But just like everything else in our lives, we know there is a plan. There is a God in the heavens and he is our Father. He does love us. He does care for us. And he knows what we need to learn and how we need to learn it. And he knows how to bless us. And he has blessed us.
Through the longing and the loneliness, we know there is a plan. And that's what helps us make it through. It's what helps us look for the silver linings to our seeming rain clouds.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Do you ever feel like this?
I feel like I have a lot to say right now. Like it's been brimming out of me all day and I have had to remind myself that I am at work and can't do personal things right now. Yet when I sit here at the computer and the appropriate time to put it all out there so to speak, I find myself... blank. But I still have the desire to write. So you get randomness because that's all that's left of my brain right now. Random bits of a puzzle that was beautiful earlier today. It would have made you cry.
Sigh. Oh well.
1. I am reading Dracula for book club and I can't read it before I go to bed because it makes me scared to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
2. My Amy friend at work is on vacation now. She left me chocolate frogs to help out when the Dementors attack. She thinks of everything.
3. I have several Amy friends in my life.
4. At one point I had 4 that I worked with closely through church and work. It got confusing.
5. My photography teacher is kind of strange. I suppose in a good way but it wigs me out just a bit. that's right, wigs.
6. Old school terminology is making a come back. Rad.
7. Maybe not.
8. It might just take me a long ways into November before I take the Halloween decorations down. Not because I like them that much, but because it takes too much effort to put them away. I swear I just got them out.
9. My cat's breath smells like catfood.
10. I don't have a cat.
How was your day?
Sigh. Oh well.
1. I am reading Dracula for book club and I can't read it before I go to bed because it makes me scared to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
2. My Amy friend at work is on vacation now. She left me chocolate frogs to help out when the Dementors attack. She thinks of everything.
3. I have several Amy friends in my life.
4. At one point I had 4 that I worked with closely through church and work. It got confusing.
5. My photography teacher is kind of strange. I suppose in a good way but it wigs me out just a bit. that's right, wigs.
6. Old school terminology is making a come back. Rad.
7. Maybe not.
8. It might just take me a long ways into November before I take the Halloween decorations down. Not because I like them that much, but because it takes too much effort to put them away. I swear I just got them out.
9. My cat's breath smells like catfood.
10. I don't have a cat.
How was your day?
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Back in the Saddle Again
So a quick update on the child and the getting thereof.
Most of you know we're working with the doctor again, this time a specialist. Last update was 4 rounds of IUI and see what happens, unless there's a cyst. So of course there's a cyst. Why wouldn't there be a cyst?!? Did they not realize who they are dealing with. I have cysts and that's just how it goes. So the last three months have been the months of monitoring.
Good news is that after three months of monitoring said cyst (I shan't even give this one a name) we're moving forward anyways. Dr. Hatasaka is a little more aggressive with these things and I for one am quite happy about that.
So on Friday I started taking Femara which is a non-FDA approved drug that does similar things as Clomid but with fewer side effects. He feels confident with it and I have no reason to doubt so here we are. Next step is the ever loverly stick-peeing game (sorry I don't know how to word that differently and still leave no doubt about how I feel) and when the appropriate spike happens, we give the doctor a call, go in the next day and do the first round of IUI. I know, we're living on the edge here.
I mostly wanted you all to know that we're still pursuing. Still headed down the road of children one way or another. As stated before I really don't care how our children come into our family just so long as they come!
The end... for now.
Most of you know we're working with the doctor again, this time a specialist. Last update was 4 rounds of IUI and see what happens, unless there's a cyst. So of course there's a cyst. Why wouldn't there be a cyst?!? Did they not realize who they are dealing with. I have cysts and that's just how it goes. So the last three months have been the months of monitoring.
Good news is that after three months of monitoring said cyst (I shan't even give this one a name) we're moving forward anyways. Dr. Hatasaka is a little more aggressive with these things and I for one am quite happy about that.
So on Friday I started taking Femara which is a non-FDA approved drug that does similar things as Clomid but with fewer side effects. He feels confident with it and I have no reason to doubt so here we are. Next step is the ever loverly stick-peeing game (sorry I don't know how to word that differently and still leave no doubt about how I feel) and when the appropriate spike happens, we give the doctor a call, go in the next day and do the first round of IUI. I know, we're living on the edge here.
I mostly wanted you all to know that we're still pursuing. Still headed down the road of children one way or another. As stated before I really don't care how our children come into our family just so long as they come!
The end... for now.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Indulge me
Warning!! Whining ahead!
Today I am having a pity party because today, I am still sick!
It's just not fair. Two weeks ago I got the flu and boy howdy did I get the flu! I spent some quality time conversing with the toilet gods wishing for death. I was down and out for 4 days. Then I got to feeling better and life went on.
Well on Tuesday I had this scratchiness in the back of my throat and I thought "oh no, not a cold!". David didn't get the flu but he had a doozy of a cold. That's right doozy. He was miserable and I felt bad for him. In fact I stated out loud that I would rather have the flu than a cold because at least with the flu you get it over and done with in a few days. A cold could last forever.
So the scratchy throat propelled me into a flurry of Zicam lozenges to help fight it off before it got there completely. Well my friends, I'm here to tell you that the cavalry was called and the circled wagon train still fell to the hostiles.
I'm sick. I can't breathe. I have mouth-breathing syndrome at night accompanied by cracked dry lips in the morning. I'm in a constant state of cotton mouth and my sinuses drip continuously but still remained stuffed. Massive amounts of Nyquil and Dayquil are having little effect. It used to be that half a dose of either medicine had me right as rain. This time a full dose barely makes a dent! And it's been going on for days.. days I tell you! I NEVER get colds that last this long or hit this hard.
So I'm whining about it. Whining that I had to cancel plans with family for the weekend. Whining because I had to cancel dinner with friends. Whining because this dastardly cold kept me from the ward Halloween party. Whining because it's kept me in a perpetual state of medicine head with no end in sight. Baaah ha ha aaaahaaa. Whining.
That's it. Life will go on. I will survive. I just wish I could breath a little better while doing it.
Today I am having a pity party because today, I am still sick!
It's just not fair. Two weeks ago I got the flu and boy howdy did I get the flu! I spent some quality time conversing with the toilet gods wishing for death. I was down and out for 4 days. Then I got to feeling better and life went on.
Well on Tuesday I had this scratchiness in the back of my throat and I thought "oh no, not a cold!". David didn't get the flu but he had a doozy of a cold. That's right doozy. He was miserable and I felt bad for him. In fact I stated out loud that I would rather have the flu than a cold because at least with the flu you get it over and done with in a few days. A cold could last forever.
So the scratchy throat propelled me into a flurry of Zicam lozenges to help fight it off before it got there completely. Well my friends, I'm here to tell you that the cavalry was called and the circled wagon train still fell to the hostiles.
I'm sick. I can't breathe. I have mouth-breathing syndrome at night accompanied by cracked dry lips in the morning. I'm in a constant state of cotton mouth and my sinuses drip continuously but still remained stuffed. Massive amounts of Nyquil and Dayquil are having little effect. It used to be that half a dose of either medicine had me right as rain. This time a full dose barely makes a dent! And it's been going on for days.. days I tell you! I NEVER get colds that last this long or hit this hard.
So I'm whining about it. Whining that I had to cancel plans with family for the weekend. Whining because I had to cancel dinner with friends. Whining because this dastardly cold kept me from the ward Halloween party. Whining because it's kept me in a perpetual state of medicine head with no end in sight. Baaah ha ha aaaahaaa. Whining.
That's it. Life will go on. I will survive. I just wish I could breath a little better while doing it.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday Movie Quotes
Theme: Movies from my home collection... GO!
1. "I've written papers on 'Little did he know...' I nearly taught a course on 'Little did he know..."
2. "I love you like a son." "I am your son!"
3. "Maybe you're the plucky comic relief?"
4. "Joe! You're one beauty!"
5. "Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion."
6. "Use your talent to save him!... Hurt him to save him."
7. "Now, why go up there when people are dying to get down here?"
And for those of you feeling like you are pathetic because you know so many movies... well there are equal parts that are feeling pathetic because they don't know enough! See, it all balances out. Why not enjoy what we've got.
1. "I've written papers on 'Little did he know...' I nearly taught a course on 'Little did he know..."
2. "I love you like a son." "I am your son!"
3. "Maybe you're the plucky comic relief?"
4. "Joe! You're one beauty!"
5. "Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion."
6. "Use your talent to save him!... Hurt him to save him."
7. "Now, why go up there when people are dying to get down here?"
And for those of you feeling like you are pathetic because you know so many movies... well there are equal parts that are feeling pathetic because they don't know enough! See, it all balances out. Why not enjoy what we've got.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Funny
So I was going through the camera to make sure that my memory card was empty for class and this was one of the pictures.
I know it's blurry, but it just made me laugh out loud. So many reasons why my husband is awesome. He'll probably be a little bit irritated that I put this out here for the world to see, so be sure and tell him he's awesome.
You know, it's his birthday soon. October 28th to be exact.
A sense of humor helps in times like this.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Halloween Candy
David and I bought Halloween candy today.
I'm quite proud of us because this is the longest that we've held out on stocking up for the Halloween rush of costumed kids coming to the door. Of course when purchased in advance of the actual day that usually means another purchase closer to, if not the day of, because something mysterious happened to chocolate stash! I have no idea what, it just disappears. And I'm positive that we're not the only ones who suffer from this phenomenon. It is Halloween after all, strange and unusual things are in the air.
So with a few days to go and a minimal purchase, we should be right as rain.
My snack size candy bar of choice is Milky Way. It's not even my favorite candy bar but it has so many memories attached to it.
My Grandma.
Isn't she beautiful. This was taken when she was younger of course. She's gone now but it always surprises me how much I miss her at times. So much that it hurts inside. I get a lump in my throat and for a minute I can't trust myself to speak.
Halloween as a child carries memories of scratchy burlap sacks and tights (Indian), painted faces, hand-made costumes, snow boots and winter coats. I grew up in Idaho after all and it wasn't uncommon to have the occasional skiff of snow (or drift as the year went) on the ground. But out we went.
I also lived in the country which meant everyone piled in the car fully costumed and we drove from neighbor to neighbor. We mostly kept it to our ward members and started at one end of the valley with Aunt Diane and Uncle Kurt and ended up on the other end of the valley with Aunt Sandy and Uncle Berry and hit every house in between. Each year we went to the same houses and each year we came home with homemade popcorn balls, Halloween suckers, Tootsie rolls, and the prized snack size candy bars.
After the usual route, instead of heading home we made one last stop at Grandma's house. She always had a hug and a kiss on the cheek for us. And she always had Milky Way candy bars... always.
My grandma was an incredible woman so full of love, hope, and reality. There are so many things to tell about her, to pay tribute to her character and the strong woman she was. But today I'll just take comfort in letting the sweet feelings of memory wash over me. Remember her scent. Remember her smile. Remember always feeling special.
I'm quite proud of us because this is the longest that we've held out on stocking up for the Halloween rush of costumed kids coming to the door. Of course when purchased in advance of the actual day that usually means another purchase closer to, if not the day of, because something mysterious happened to chocolate stash! I have no idea what, it just disappears. And I'm positive that we're not the only ones who suffer from this phenomenon. It is Halloween after all, strange and unusual things are in the air.
So with a few days to go and a minimal purchase, we should be right as rain.
My snack size candy bar of choice is Milky Way. It's not even my favorite candy bar but it has so many memories attached to it.
My Grandma.
Isn't she beautiful. This was taken when she was younger of course. She's gone now but it always surprises me how much I miss her at times. So much that it hurts inside. I get a lump in my throat and for a minute I can't trust myself to speak.
Halloween as a child carries memories of scratchy burlap sacks and tights (Indian), painted faces, hand-made costumes, snow boots and winter coats. I grew up in Idaho after all and it wasn't uncommon to have the occasional skiff of snow (or drift as the year went) on the ground. But out we went.
I also lived in the country which meant everyone piled in the car fully costumed and we drove from neighbor to neighbor. We mostly kept it to our ward members and started at one end of the valley with Aunt Diane and Uncle Kurt and ended up on the other end of the valley with Aunt Sandy and Uncle Berry and hit every house in between. Each year we went to the same houses and each year we came home with homemade popcorn balls, Halloween suckers, Tootsie rolls, and the prized snack size candy bars.
After the usual route, instead of heading home we made one last stop at Grandma's house. She always had a hug and a kiss on the cheek for us. And she always had Milky Way candy bars... always.
My grandma was an incredible woman so full of love, hope, and reality. There are so many things to tell about her, to pay tribute to her character and the strong woman she was. But today I'll just take comfort in letting the sweet feelings of memory wash over me. Remember her scent. Remember her smile. Remember always feeling special.
Friday, October 22, 2010
My Neighborhood... a Tribute
I LOVE my neighborhood. I LOVE my neighbors. Even the ones I don't know very well, there's just a feeling here. A feeling of belonging. I love the kids playing in the yard. I love the quietness of the cul-de-sac. I love the mixing of cultures. We've got people from Brazil, El Salvador, Mexico, Africa, New Zealand, Tonga. LOVE. I LOVE our ward! Yes, LOVE! I wish that everyone could have a ward as cool and friendly as ours. I love that there are new people as well as people who have been their for 15 years and still consider themselves "new to the ward". Love that!
I love my overgrown backyard that screams for help because it's my overgrown backyard that's screaming for help. I love my home with the things that need to be fixed or updated here and there. I love making it look more comfortable and more inviting. I love feeling welcome in my own rooms... all of them.
There is so much to be thankful for right now. The change in temperature seems to bring some excitement. The air is colder and crisp in the morning. All things pumpkin appear from the colors in department stores to items on the grocery store shelves. The Holiday season is just around the corner. The time when you can't help but be drawn to do something nice for everyone you see. But especially the people who surround you, whether it is family, friends, or people you barely know, now is the time when the very air around you lends itself to kindness, warmth, and compassion.
Perhaps that is why Fall is my favorite season. I love them all but it's Fall that makes me giddy inside.
May this day be wonderful for all!
I love my overgrown backyard that screams for help because it's my overgrown backyard that's screaming for help. I love my home with the things that need to be fixed or updated here and there. I love making it look more comfortable and more inviting. I love feeling welcome in my own rooms... all of them.
There is so much to be thankful for right now. The change in temperature seems to bring some excitement. The air is colder and crisp in the morning. All things pumpkin appear from the colors in department stores to items on the grocery store shelves. The Holiday season is just around the corner. The time when you can't help but be drawn to do something nice for everyone you see. But especially the people who surround you, whether it is family, friends, or people you barely know, now is the time when the very air around you lends itself to kindness, warmth, and compassion.
Perhaps that is why Fall is my favorite season. I love them all but it's Fall that makes me giddy inside.
May this day be wonderful for all!
Answers!
I wish I had a cool prize for all participants. That would have been fun too.
1. "I've never seen that. I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick."
THE BURBS
2. "When was the last time you were decently kissed? I mean, truly, truly, good and kissed?"
THAT THING YOU DO
3. "You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity."
TOY STORY
4. "The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? "Leave the gun, take the cannoli." "
YOU'VE GOT MAIL
5. "It's easier to be killed by a terrorist than it is to find a husband over the age of 40!"
SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE
6. "I have less than six months to live. The Waponis believe they need a human sacrifice or their island is going to sink into the ocean. "
JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO
7. "WILSON"
CASTAWAY
Thanks for playing!
1. "I've never seen that. I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick."
THE BURBS
2. "When was the last time you were decently kissed? I mean, truly, truly, good and kissed?"
THAT THING YOU DO
3. "You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity."
TOY STORY
4. "The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? "Leave the gun, take the cannoli." "
YOU'VE GOT MAIL
5. "It's easier to be killed by a terrorist than it is to find a husband over the age of 40!"
SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE
6. "I have less than six months to live. The Waponis believe they need a human sacrifice or their island is going to sink into the ocean. "
JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO
7. "WILSON"
CASTAWAY
Thanks for playing!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Because it was fun the first time
More Movie Quotes!
A big pat on the back and the feelings of euphoria that come from being similarly minded to someone cool on the internet.... I know, it's a stretch.
1. "I've never seen that. I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick."
2. "When was the last time you were decently kissed? I mean, truly, truly, good and kissed?"
3. "You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity."
4. "The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? "Leave the gun, take the cannoli." "
5. "It's easier to be killed by a terrorist than it is to find a husband over the age of 40!"
6. "I have less than six months to live. The Waponis believe they need a human sacrifice or their island is going to sink into the ocean. "
7. "WILSON"
Extra cool points to those of you brilliant people who can spot the common link.
A true test in movie trivia.
A big pat on the back and the feelings of euphoria that come from being similarly minded to someone cool on the internet.... I know, it's a stretch.
1. "I've never seen that. I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick."
2. "When was the last time you were decently kissed? I mean, truly, truly, good and kissed?"
3. "You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity."
4. "The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? "Leave the gun, take the cannoli." "
5. "It's easier to be killed by a terrorist than it is to find a husband over the age of 40!"
6. "I have less than six months to live. The Waponis believe they need a human sacrifice or their island is going to sink into the ocean. "
7. "WILSON"
Extra cool points to those of you brilliant people who can spot the common link.
A true test in movie trivia.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Answers
Okay, so that was way too fun. I think I'll do it again. Perhaps a Name That Musical because I grew up on musicals.
Anyway, here's the answers to the movie lines:
* Be sure to drink your ovaltine The Christmas Story
* Beware of the groove Emporer's New Groove
* The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle The Court Jester
* Sink me The Scarlett Pimpernel
* You are my inspiration, Irene Pillow Talk
* Well they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes Benny &Joon
* I'm a Dapper Dan man O Brother Where Art Thou
* She reminds me of me True Grit
* You can't handle the truth! A Few Good Men
* Looks to me like they're comin' up with a plan Tremors
Anyway, here's the answers to the movie lines:
* Be sure to drink your ovaltine The Christmas Story
* Beware of the groove Emporer's New Groove
* The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle The Court Jester
* Sink me The Scarlett Pimpernel
* You are my inspiration, Irene Pillow Talk
* Well they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes Benny &Joon
* I'm a Dapper Dan man O Brother Where Art Thou
* She reminds me of me True Grit
* You can't handle the truth! A Few Good Men
* Looks to me like they're comin' up with a plan Tremors
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
There are far too many...
There are far too many times today when I couldn't finish a sentence.
or a thought
or an assignment
or an email
or a phone call
or a job
or my piece of cake.... sigh.
Movie quotes that went through my head today:
(bonus points to those of you who can name them)
* Be sure to drink your ovaltine
* Beware of the groove
* The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle
* Sink me
* You are my inspiration, Irene
* Well they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes
* I'm a Dapper Dan man
* She reminds me of me
* You can't handle the truth!
* Looks to me like they're comin' up with a plan
Random things that made me wish I had a camera handy
1. The flower bed in the median
2. The black and white calf grazing close the fence
3. The fog at the base of the Wellsvilles this morning
4. The girl in full cabaret attire complete with top hat standing by the copy center
or a thought
or an assignment
or an email
or a phone call
or a job
or my piece of cake.... sigh.
Movie quotes that went through my head today:
(bonus points to those of you who can name them)
* Be sure to drink your ovaltine
* Beware of the groove
* The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle
* Sink me
* You are my inspiration, Irene
* Well they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes
* I'm a Dapper Dan man
* She reminds me of me
* You can't handle the truth!
* Looks to me like they're comin' up with a plan
Random things that made me wish I had a camera handy
1. The flower bed in the median
2. The black and white calf grazing close the fence
3. The fog at the base of the Wellsvilles this morning
4. The girl in full cabaret attire complete with top hat standing by the copy center
Monday, October 11, 2010
Progress
So part of healing is finding something you love and pursuing it... right?
Well, I'm taking a photography class on Monday nights and I'm loving it. I've always wanted to learn more but I knew that I would never do it just by pulling out a book and studying. I need visuals people. And one on one instruction and someone to make me actually do it. That is why online classes would have been bad for me. Procrastination.
But now I have a class through Bridgerland that lasts until December 6th and goes Monday nights 7-9. There's a teacher. There's a studio. There's assignments. This just may work.
Here's the results of the 2nd class, first day in the studio.
Enjoy.
Granted we were only supposed to be taking pictures of the apple and berries, but since when have I stuck to the script?
Well, I'm taking a photography class on Monday nights and I'm loving it. I've always wanted to learn more but I knew that I would never do it just by pulling out a book and studying. I need visuals people. And one on one instruction and someone to make me actually do it. That is why online classes would have been bad for me. Procrastination.
But now I have a class through Bridgerland that lasts until December 6th and goes Monday nights 7-9. There's a teacher. There's a studio. There's assignments. This just may work.
Here's the results of the 2nd class, first day in the studio.
Enjoy.
Granted we were only supposed to be taking pictures of the apple and berries, but since when have I stuck to the script?
Monday, October 4, 2010
Healing
Healing comes in many forms
and is needed for different things.
Discouragement
Depression
Emotional pain
Physical needs
Some can be taken care of with a band-aid.
Some require a little bit more.
Sometimes you're broken on the inside
and no one can tell with just a quick glance.
They have to look deeper and even then
they aren't sure.
It may have just been the lighting.
But you never can tell how much a hug
a hello
a smile
a listening ear
can help someone needing to heal.
Sometimes it just requires a bit of time.
That's what I'm taking now.
A bit of time.
Time to look at my life without any pressure
Time to decide what is best for me.
Meanwhile I want to give you a hug, a smile, a hello, a listening ear.
Oh, and thank you for your smiles, your hugs, your hello's and your listening ears.
So Thank you.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Silver Linings
Let me tell you a story about my friend Amy, who is my sole salvation at work, and her lovely family. A couple of weeks ago life was crazy as usual. Only on this particular Saturday one curve ball after another was thrown at her. Her teenage son was having a dinner party for Homecoming at her house. She was to be the cook because she is marvelous at it and is willing and is generally a good mom like that.
So being the good mom who also knows her boundaries, she ordered some side dishes from work because she is also smart like that.
Her day started roughly at midnight the Friday night leading to Saturday. It started because she realized that there was a final count due for an event on Saturday that she never received. It's one of those things that if not checked on then you could potentially throw both staff and chef's "under the bus" so to speak. So up she gets and logs onto her email at work to find the very message she was looking for giving a count change to 250 box lunches to be delivered at 11:30.
She kindly waits until 6:00 or so to text this information to the involved parties. But you know how it is sometimes... You know you can't do anything until 6 but that doesn't stop you from worrying about it the entire rest of the night. Yeah, it wasn't that restful for her. But 6 rolls around and everything is taken care of.
At approximately 11:25 she drops in to the kitchen to pick up the items she has ordered from Chefland. While there she sees a staff member wrapping cookies. She says "Hey staff member, why are you wrapping cookies?" Staff member says "This is stupid and I hate it. No one prepped the box lunches and now I have to do it whine whine whine, blah blah blah." Amy responds with a panicked "you mean for the box lunches that are to be delivered to an off-site location in 5 minutes!?!" Staff member "yeah.. blah blah blah, whine whine whine."
Amy immediately wishes death on all stupid people in the world... maybe not all but at least the portion that have reared their ugly heads this particular Saturday morning... and takes charge of the situation. There are 80 more lunches of the 250 that need to be packed in to their boxes. She takes over the wrapping of the cookies, gets help from other apparently stupid staff and whips things into shape all the while muttering in her head "seriously! seriously! what would have happened if I hadn't shown up!"
The lunches are late, the customer isn't all that pleased but at least it wasn't as bad as it could have been right? And now she is free to take her food and reconvene at her own home and handle the situation there and she lived happily ever after.
Or not.
You see that particular day there was also a wedding... and a wedding cake. She had met with bride and mom of bride for at least 8 gazillions hours discussing the intricacies of the wedding cake and had gotten herself invited to the wedding. I picked her up because I wanted to take some pictures of said cake to put on our website. So off we go.
Two things should be taken into consideration at this point.
1. The bride's thoughts on the cake were "the groom could not show and it would be better than the cake being wrong." No pressure.
2. The baker had asked if he could arrive at 5 (one our before the reception) to set up the cake. Information was passed on to the mom of bride and all were satisfied.
That is until we showed up at 5:40 to take pictures of the cake and there was no cake. And there was no baker answering the phone to assure us of a cake on it's way. And there was a panicked bride running around with a floral bouquet in one hand and a diet coke in another threatening to hyper-ventilate. And there was a mom of bride with flames coming out of her eyes. Amy and I spent the next 30 minutes with cell phones on re-dial all the while reassuring said stressed bridal party that everything would be okay and didn't the decorations look lovely.
At 6:20 the cake arrived, it wasn't exactly what she wanted but it was at least there. Bridal party calms down, everyone gathers around the cake and oohs and aahs. Snap snap of the camera and we are on our way.
As I am driving Amy back to her house and the dinner party that was to arrive at any moment (snap snap of camera was supposed to be a 10 minute venture tops) when her phone rings. "Hello... The grill is on fire?!... Calm down.... I'll be home in 5 minutes." At this point we both start laughing cause it's the only response we have left. Her phone rings again. "Hello... You used a fire extinguisher to put out the grill.... Was the chicken still on it?... Okay, put it in the oven I'm on my way."
As we drive up to her house there is a haze over the neighborhood as evidence of the grill fire and the homecoming party is walking up her drive. I drop her off amid not so stifled laughter and wish her well.
As I'm on my way home I get a text: All is not lost. Bryce (her son) and his cousin are dressed up as French waiters with penciled mustaches and thick French accents. Apparently they were in character the entire night, had finished cooking the chicken (which was not subjected to the fire extinguisher) and entertained the guests. The party was a hit and everyone wanted to come back again for another round. But because family is what it is, little brother of Bryce waited until the bitter end of the evening to introduce him to the French foreign exchange student. Suddenly Bryce didn't feel so good. Fortunately she got a kick out of the whole thing rather than being offended by the American version of an over-the-top French waiter and all was still right in the world.
So, silver linings? Amy was able to enjoy the evening with the best of them despite the stressful/horrific day thanks to her own sense of humor and that passed on to her family. Laughter really is the best medicine... which means I spend a lot of time heavily medicated.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
On Customer Service
I've been thinking a lot today.
About how much I can handle.
How much can I take before it "does me in"?
How far does customer service go?
How far does "exceeding expectations" go?
Work has been a bit beastly as of late. As evidence of this I bring my 57 hour work week to the judge's attention. I feel fragile. I feel over-worked and under appreciated. K, so I know that my efforts are appreciated, but...
How far do you go to do the job?
Where is that line in the sand that says enough is enough! I'm done, I'm finished, I refuse to do more! And where does that cross into the personal life as well?
I think I have been so long in the customer service field that I have lost all sense of reality. "The customer is always right." That's okay except sometimes the customer is dead wrong. Sometimes we really can't do what they want. Sometimes the impossible is all that is expected and no matter how hard you try, it simply is not going to happen. Sometimes those customers don't even know what they are asking. And sometimes there are absolutely no boundaries to guide your decision.
I'm tired of it.
On my way home from Bridal Fair today (hence the extra long work week) a scene popped into my head. It's from Life Is Beautiful, one of my all time favorite movies. The uncle explains to his nephew, Guido, about service and how far to bow to the guest as a waiter.
"Think of a sunflower. They bow to the sun.
But if you see some that are too bowed down...
it means they're dead!
You're serving. You're not a servant.
Serving is a supreme art.
God is the first servant.
God serves men, but he's not a servant to men."
I don't want to be a dead sunflower.
I don't want to feel stretched too thin.
Just throwing it out there. Boundaries are a good thing. They guide us, they help us make good decisions... or at least decisions we can live with. Decisions that won't keep us awake at night.
Perhaps my Monday will be spent finding those boundaries.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Embrace the Bouf!
This is Serious business.
I have a made a decision of great importance.
It's been a long time coming.
It has to do with my hair...
This hair. This frizz.
This hair that has been subjected to instruments of torture such as:
This:
And this:
And this:
See how it's kept hold of the hairs it has ripped from my head!
All in an effort to have hair like this:
What I have finally realized is that I will NEVER have hair like that!
Never.
Simply not an option.
So why fight it.
embrace it.
Embrace the bouf that is my hair.
Embrace the natural curl
Embrace the impossible amounts of body.
Embrace the shadow it creates on the sidewalk.
Embrace the way it actually balances out my hips!
There are perks you know.
I am Lora and you'll know it's me by my impossibly large hair.
Humidity makes it worse.
My best friends are bobby pins.
It's freeing really.
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